The purpose of my Album Spotlights is to bring lesser-known albums to your attention with backstories you’ll find interesting and music you’ll find enjoyable.
A few days ago, it hit me that it’s been a year and a half since my last Album Spotlight. I was way overdue for another, so I’m kicking off the new year with a new Album Spotlight. In fact, I’ll probably post another next month to make up for the long absence.
Before you change channels on me, this is not about the soundtrack to Alien the sci-fi/horror film. That said, I imagine the band Alien is indeed alien to you. If so, you’re forgiven considering the group hails from Gothenburg, Sweden and formed almost 40 years ago. However, their songs aren’t sung in Swedish and their music doesn’t sound Swedish. In fact, if I hadn’t told you Alien was from Sweden and I played this CD for you, you’d swear they were an American hard rock band.
AC/DC & Deep Purple
That makes sense because the lead singer and co-founder, Jim Jidhed, was influenced by AC/DC. The guitarist and other co-founder, Tony Borg, was influenced by Deep Purple and Eric Clapton. They might be Swedish, but they have roots in American rock ‘n roll. They also recorded Alien, their self-titled debut album, in Van Nuys, California, not Sweden.
Frankly, I’ve never been a hard rock kind of a guy. I generally don’t go for records that should come with a free coupon for Tylenol. Yet Alien the album (Virgin 259 198) won’t give you a migraine. In fact, the album produced 3 singles. One of the singles, a cover of Only One Woman, a beautiful ballad written by the Bee Gees, made it to #1 in Sweden.
The Blob
Alien did a great job of turning Only One Woman into a rock power ballad, but my favorite track off of Alien is Brave New Love. I became acquainted with the song thanks to my interest in horror films. I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming. The song was used in the end credits of the 1988 remake of The Blob.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
Throughout Alien, Jidhed’s vocals are forceful while Borg’s guitar is tight and hard rocking. You won’t be able to get through the album without playing air guitar, especially on Feel My Love. Besides Brave New Love and Only One Woman, other standout tracks include Tears Don’t Put Out The Fire,Jaimie Remember, and Touch My Fire. It’s a great listen from start to finish.
Alien from left to right: Drummer Toby Tarrach, lead singer Jim Jidhed, and guitarist Tony Borg. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
Alien has so far released 7 albums altogether though not all under the same personnel. Co-founder and lead singer Jim Jidhed departed the group in 1988 to pursue a solo career. The band carried on with a new lead singer but he left a few years later. The other musicians weren’t much better in the stability department. Jidhead returned as lead singer in 2005, left again, and reunited with band yet again in 2010. He’s still with the band today along with two other original members, Tony Borg on guitar and Toby Tarrach on drums.
“If I hadn’t told you Alien was from Sweden and I played this CD for you, you’d swear they were an American hard rock band.”
The strange USA version of “Alien”.
The composition of the band might be confusing, but that’s nothing compared to the album that’s the subject of this Spotlight. Alien came out in 1988 in Sweden. The following year, the record company remixed 5 songs from the original record, cut out 4 of the 12 songs, and tacked on 2 new songs that were recorded by the new singer who had replaced Jidhad. They also replaced the album artwork with something much stranger, yet retained the album’s original title. This Frankenstein album was the version that was released in the USA and some other countries. But hang on, it gets even better.
The “Alien” 25th Anniversary Edition 2 CD set. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
If you decide to buy Alien, you’ll not only have the choice of the original release from 1988 and the remixed version from 1989, but also a rare 2012 re-issue from Greece of the original album limited to 1,000 copies. Then there’s the 25th Anniversary 2 CD set from 2013 that included both the original and the remixed version. This same set was re-issued on a different label in 2019. Are you still with me? Then, of course, there’s the various vinyl record and cassette iterations.
Depending on which variant and format you’re looking for, prices on eBay start at around $29 and go up from there. The fact that most of the product exists outside the USA doesn’t do anything to help the cost. If you’re into 80s hard rock bands, I think it’s worth the investment. I bought my original Alien CD from a seller in Italy. On the other hand, you can listen to the entire remastered album for free on YouTube (link at the end).
I reached out to the group to ask some questions about Alien the band and the album and received a response from band co-founder and guitarist Tony Borg.
Alien’s Tony Borg. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
Peter: What led you to start “Alien” in 1986? Tony: “I had been in many bands with great success in the 1970s and 1980s, but had never started a band myself. My goal before Alien started was to work as a session musician. I got to play with many Swedish but also American artists. When I played with the famous artist Lill-Babs, I understood that it would not be my thing, therefore, I started Alien.”
Peter: Was there anything memorable about the “Alien” recording sessions? Tony: “There absolutely was. What became our first hit song was an instrumental song called Somewhere Out There that Jim and I wrote at 4:00 a.m. after midnight. It was recorded one night in the studio as a filler song and [B side] for Only One Woman but became a big hit in Sweden. Jim and I would often sit at night, drink coffee, have a cigarette and create many of the band’s songs.”
Peter: Why didn’t “Somewhere Out There” make the “Alien” album? Tony: “During that time, bands used to put remix songs on the back so as not to waste good songs on B-sides. We rather wanted to show that we were a real rock band that could write good songs without vocals. That’s why we wrote that song to be a B-side.”
Peter: Why did you decide to record a cover of “Only One Woman”? Were you surprised that it was a hit? Tony: “We collaborated with Anders Hjelmtorp on the record label Virgin. Anders had been an old disc jockey so he had some song suggestions for us. We thought the song was good but when Jim and I changed the time from 6/8 to 2/4 time, the song felt perfect for us.”
Peter: Were you surprised that “Brave New Love” made it into the credits of “The Blob” movie remake? Tony: “How come? Because we recorded the record at ‘Sound City’ in L.A. so we were so close to the film industry and they needed that kind of song right then. It was a chance like it can be when you are in the right place at the right time.”
Peter: What’s your favorite song on “Alien”? Tony: “My favorite song is I´ve Been Waiting. The music has the right suffering and the right expression and the lyrics are true to my story.”
Image from Alien’s Facebook page.
Peter: Is there a story behind the original “Alien” album art? Tony: “I have a friend called Anders Holmberg who had just started painting pictures with cool landscapes so I asked him if he wanted to do our covers. I have our cover for the Swedish album in my possession, but the rest of the paintings have been sold and are probably adorning the walls of some fans’ homes.”
Peter: Why did you release a different version of the album “Alien” for the US including a completely different album cover? Tony: “It was the record company that wanted to adapt the record to the American market. We agreed because we thought it was possible to mix the record even better.” Peter: What do you think of the remastered “Alien” from 2013? Did you have any involvement in that? Tony: “No, this is something that the record companies do without asking the artists. This is what the record industry looks like.”
Peter: How do you think the music on “Alien” holds up 36 years later? Tony: “I think it’s a good record, a bit timeless. I’m proud that the band got to make such a good debut album.”
Image from aliensweden.com/shop/
Alien’s latest recording, Into The Future, saw the band turn into a more heavy metal direction which has met with mixed reviews. Frankly, I don’t know the band’s body of work well enough to categorically state that Alien is their best album, but few bands release such a strong debut record. If you enjoy hard rock, classic rock, melodic rock, metal, album oriented rock (AOR) radio, or classic 80s music, seek out Alien. Despite the album turning 36 years old this year, the music doesn’t sound dated or…alien.
Trivia (from Tony Borg):“When we went to L.A. to record [Alien], we stayed throughout the spring in L.A. What we didn’t know was that every week we climbed all the sales and pop charts, so when we got home to Sweden, we had become a very popular band without our knowing it. We just had time to pack our bags to embark on a tour with 70 gigs booked while doing videos, television and a ton of interviews so it’s been a very hysterical career for the band.”
This is the 5th and final installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a strange Christmas record.
For many, the Christmas season just isn’t the same without an annual viewing of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. In the movie, Clark W. Griswold, played by Chevy Chase, plans to surprise his family by using his Christmas bonus to have a large swimming pool installed in their backyard. Unfortunately, instead of a Christmas bonus, Griswold’s stingy boss gives him a year’s subscription to the Jelly of The Month Club (there really is such a thing). His wife’s Cousin Eddie shows up unexpectedly and takes matters into his own hands as only Cousin Eddie could.
The film was based on a short story called “Christmas ’59,” by John Hughes, which was published in a December 1980 issue of National Lampoon magazine. I won’t spoil it for you if you never saw the film, but it’s a very entertaining holiday movie the whole family will enjoy. Good talk, son.
In December of 1989, Christmas Vacation opened at #2 and quickly became #1 at the box office, grossing over $73 million. Initial reviews were mixed (Roger Ebert only gave it 2 stars) but the movie went on to become a holiday classic. Despite its popularity and the great songs used in the film, an official original motion picture soundtrack was never released. Or was it?
Merry Clarkmas
The music on the Christmas Vacation CD isn’t strange, but the backstory has created a strange mystery worthy of a Columbo episode. A story on the Internet persists that a limited-edition CD of the soundtrack was released in 1999 for the movie’s 10th Anniversary. As the story goes, Warner Brothers Records teamed up with RedDotNet and Six Flags to sell the CD’s via on-demand kiosks at Six Flags Magic Mountain (where “Wally World” was based for the first “Vacation” film) for one week only. The blank CDs were burned one by one as purchased by customers and the booklets and the rear jewel case perforated inserts were assembled by Six Flags employees. Each CD’s back insert was printed with its own individual serial number, up to 20,000. The story goes on to say that 7,000 of the 20,000 CDs were burned and sold to the public. An interesting tale, but is there any truth to it?
A Hot Seller
I’ll begin my examination with those reported Six Flags sales figures: 7,000 CDs sold in 1 week. That averages out to 1,000 CDs burned per day. If my math is correct, that translates into 125 CDs per hour based on an 8-hour day. That’s quite a run for a CD that was just a movie soundtrack, was never advertised, and was only available at one location for one week. Even if you dismiss those figures as unreliable, it’s pretty certain that thousands of unburned CDs were left over. For them to become available years later, someone would have to burn and assemble all of those leftover blank CDs, warehouse them, and then sell them years later.
Another argument against the Six Flags story: Warner Brothers purchased Six Flags in 1993 and sold it in 1998. During the 5 years they owned the Park, Warner never once made the Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD available. Yet a year after they sold Six Flags, Warner licensed the CD to be sold inside the Park which they no longer owned?
Image from rateyourmusic.com/release/comp/various-artists/national-lampoons-vacation-cancelled-passport-edition/
Another Six Flags CD
Not to confuse matters, but I think it’s relevant to point out that the 2003 CD soundtrack of National Lampoon’s Vacation, the first Vacation movie, adopted the exact same story line. Discogs.com notes the CD, called the “Cancelled Passport Edition”, was “manufactured and distributed by RedDotNet in association with Warner Bros. Motion Picture Studios and Six Flags Magic Mountain Theme Park USA. Numbered series of 20,000.” An expired listing on Worthpoint.com added that, “for the last few thousand copies, WB added music from 1985’s ‘European Vacation’ and 1997’s ‘Vegas Vacation’”, neither of which ever made it to CD. Let me make sure I understand this. The kiosks were reprogrammed and the roll of rear artwork was changed out by park employees to add 10 more songs to the track list during the last three or so days the CDs were being sold? Honestly, I find this a little hard to believe. In any event, we now have two CD soundtracks using the same Six Flags cover story.
This raises another issue. If Six Flags had such on-demand CD burning kiosks then one could logically conclude there would be many, many more titles out there that were burned and sold to public. However, I was unable to find a single CD title beyond these two that was born from a Six Flags RedDotNet CD kiosk. Disogs.com lists discographies from other amusement park on-demand kiosks but not Six Flags other than these 2 titles. Surely, Six Flags didn’t install these on-demand CD kiosks for one week each just for two titles and that’s it.
Proof Of Purchase
During the course of my research, out of the 7,000 CDs supposedly burned at Six Flags, or whatever the number is, I was unable to find a single case where someone claimed to have purchased their Christmas Vacation CD from a Six Flags kiosk and could prove it. Without exception, those who said they owned the CD admitted they bought their copy from one website or another, not at Six Flags.
RedDotNet CD kiosks did exit but I was never able to find any information about Six Flags having installed such on-demand kiosks. Yet I had no difficulty finding information about on-demand CD kiosks at Universal and Disney which I’ll address a little later. A New York Times article by Karen Bannan from April of 2000 reported RedDotNet CD kiosks being in Target, Sam Goody, Warehouse Entertainment, and Walt Disney, but no mention whatsoever of Six Flags.
According to billboard.com, in 2004, Warner Music Group inked a deal with Mediaport Entertainment to offer its music via kiosks to be installed in “retail outlets, colleges, military bases and travelers’ waiting areas”. The article made no mention of Warner having previously partnered with RedDotNet at Six Flags.
This Was A Bootleg
There’s clear information on the Internet that goes against the Six Flags story. Web.archive.org lists the CD as a bootleg. An article on yardbarker.com states, “Strangely, in 1999 a purported ‘10th anniversary’ soundtrack started popping up online on various auction sites. The claim was that they had been made to be sold at Six Flags. Ultimately, it proved to be false, as this was a bootleg CD. In fact, one of the songs on the CD was from John Williams’ ‘Home Alone 2: Lost in New York’ score.” There are also comments on the net that say some of the tracks are of inferior sound quality and some of the discs exhibit skipping problems. Incorrect track listings, questionable sound, and playback issues are often telltale signs of a bootleg.
Get A Life
All this begs the question- If the Six Flags story is false and these CDs arebootlegs, why would someone go to all the trouble of making up an elaborate false history about them? What’s the point? Don’t they have anything better to do with their time? Or do they just get off on putting one over on people? In the history of bootleg recordings, I don’t think there’s ever been an instance where someone fabricated a detailed backstory to try to pass off a series of bootleg recordings as legitimate.
One CD that is definitely legitimate is A Hollywood Christmas and it’s the closest you’re going to get to an official Christmas Vacation soundtrack. The CD was released by Time Life Music (24892-D), of all labels, in 2009, and includes Ray Charles’ That Spirit of Christmas which was used in the Christmas Vacation film, as well as Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckingham (which actually wasn’t used in the film). The latter is the only time that song has ever been licensed to another label for inclusion on a CD. But I digress.
For this article, I decided I needed to somehow obtain one of these legendary Six Flags CDs and evaluate it for myself. It turned out I had a much easier time finding copies and obvious bootlegs. One company on Amazon was selling what it described as the Christmas Vacation “official soundtrack” CD starting in 2011, yet the CD didn’t even come in a jewel case or include a booklet. I’d hardly call that “official”.
There was a convincing limited-edition soundtrack CD released down under in 2011 by “MSH Music”. I couldn’t find any information about this Australian record company or any other titles the label released, so I’ve concluded it was a bootleg. Real record companies don’t usually release a single title in a single country limited to 1,000 pressings and then disappear. That’s not what I’d all a successful business model.
My “free” Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Free CDs
I found a company in Florida burning their own “Special Edition” Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. They say it’s one of their best-selling titles. The track list is somewhat similar to that of the Six Flags CD. As the CD was on sale for less than 14 bucks including shipping, I bought one (link provided at the end). Technically, I bought the jewel case and the artwork since the website says, “You’ll receive a jewel case with custom artwork created for the soundtrack. This is what you are purchasing. The audio recordings contained within are always absolutely free of charge…with no claim to their quality, copyright or ownership being implied.” In the words of Monty Python, “Say no more. Know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
Story #2
Incidentally, the above website selling this CD states yet another version of the Christmas Vacation soundtrack story: “A soundtrack for the filmNational Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation was released on LP, cassette and CD in 1989. The soundtrack was out-of-print by the mid 1990’s. Since then, there have been several limited-edition print-on-demand CD issues offered at Universal Studios Theme Parks including 10th and 20th Anniversary editions, both of which are also out-of-print.” Wrong! The soundtrack was never officially released in 1989 in any format. It’s true that Universal had CD burning kiosks starting in 1999 (“The Disc Kiosk”), but the selections drew from their back catalog, and Universal didn’t own the rights to the Christmas Vacation soundtrack. Also, there was never a “20th Anniversary Edition” Christmas Vacation soundtrack. This is enough to make the vision of sugar plums dancing in your head explode.
A CD from a Disney Wonderland Music kiosk. Image from disneycds.com/category/75
Universal wasn’t the only amusement park burning CDs. According to mousetroop.blogspot.com, Disney had their own on-demand CD burning kiosk system called “Disneyland Forever”, limited to old theme park music, announcements, sound effects, and narration culled from its 40+ year history. The customer selected up to 10 songs (at $2 per track!) from the touch screen kiosk they wanted burned on their CD. The machines could even print the customer’s first name on the cover and on the face of the CD. Disney shut down the service in early 2001. There were also “Wonderland Music Experience” kiosks that operated through 2006 and sold complete Disney CD titles.
You’re Getting Warmer
Themusicshopandmore.com sells a Christmas Vacation CD for $27.98 that looks very close to the Six Flags CD and has all the same tracks, but alas, without a serial number. The site openly admits their CDs are unofficial. There has probably been more bootlegging of this soundtrack than of all the alcohol during prohibition. Will the real Six Flags Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD please stand up?
After keeping a very close eye on discogs, an actual Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD became available from a seller in Romania. I got really excited until I saw the price: $227! GM Chrysler! I wouldn’t pay that even if I had the money.
“An interesting tale, but is there any truth to it?”
Too Legit To Quit
I was feeling like I was on a mission: impossible until I finally tracked down a real Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD in a web shop in Germany of all places. The site sells “Griswold Christmas madness”…Christmas Vacation merchandise like Wally World glass moose mugs, Clark Griswold action figures, Griswold drink coasters, and the coveted Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD. Their website states they were able to secure some of these ultra rare discs thanks to their “long history with the film [industry] and contacts in the USA”. The website repeated the Six Flags story adding, “Park employees had the honorable task of producing the CDs at the burning stations…then the employee removed the perforated cover from a long endless roll, packed everything up and wished the lucky owner of the rarity a nice day.”
The site goes on to say that after the leftover Six Flags Christmas Vacation CDs shipped from the US to this German website, German Customs released the CDs to them after Warner Brothers provided a letter stating the CDs were legit. I contacted the site and asked to see a copy of the letter but my request was denied on the basis that the letter was a private internal document.
Going, Going, Gone
I exchanged numerous emails with someone connected to the website who I’ll keep anonymous, peppering them with questions. By the time I decided to purchase the CD, the price had skyrocketed from $36 to over $60 USD (the regular retail price was shown as $109)! That was a lot better than $227, but I still couldn’t bring myself to drop that kind of dough on a CD, especially being financially challenged. Another week or two passed and the website indicated they were sold out. I had to face the hard reality that I blew what might have been my only chance to buy this rare CD without having to spend megabucks.
More time passed and my curiosity forced me to visit the German site again. Miraculously, they somehow found 20 more copies (“the last 20 brand new with extra high collector’s value”). Despite the “extra high value”, the price had actually dropped to $44. This time I bought one, though the purchase process turned into its own wild adventure since the company only shipped to the UK, Germany, and Switzerland. I was able to enlist the help of a relative who lived in Europe who then forwarded the CD to me. What I won’t go through for my blog. Suspiciously, 3 weeks later the site is still selling “the last 20” CDs and for the same price.
An insert sheet which went into a little more detail about the process accompanied my CD. It was in German but here’s a portion I Google translated: “In the park, park visitors were able to use the RedDotNet Music Kiosk System to select titles or entire soundtracks from the music program and have them burned to CD by park employees on the on-site production machines. The cover inlays ran down from large rolls (hence the perforations and simple printing techniques). The CDs produced without silver dye coating (i.e. without an industrial protective layer – hence the CD burning appearance) and the cover inlays were paired with the jewel case – the soundtrack was ready. Every single soundtrack inlay that rolled off the roll had a unique serial number. 00001 to 20000. The finished soundtrack CDs were handed over to the customer unsealed directly at the kiosk system because ‘sealing technology’ was not provided for on the devices.”
The back insert of my “Christmas Vacation” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
By most appearances, my CD fits the Six Flags narrative. My copy has a serial number (5,237), though if 7,000 were sold to the public as the story goes and this CD was “brand new”, I don’t understand how it could have such a low number. The booklet and rear insert appear to be perforated. It’s a CD-R with a bluish tint. The CD label art features 4 small Clark Griswold’s as opposed to a single Clark Griswold. It would seem I had found the Christmas Vacation CD holy grail.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
One glaring omission- The photo in the Christmas Vacation soundtrack listing on discogs, which I consider the website of record when it comes to CDs and LPs, shows a black printed number below the CD’s center hole. My CD has no such number.
Image from facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=662995692695388&set=pb.100069548886165.-2207520000&type=3
The Silence Is Deafening
So, it’s time to revisit the questions I posed at the outset. Is the Six Flags story really true or is it just an urban legend? Is the Warner Brothers National Lampoon’sChristmas Vacation10th Anniversary soundtrack CD legitimate? Always up for a challenge, I donned my detective’s fedora and contacted both Warner Brothers and Six Flags Magic Mountain in an attempt to once and for all confirm or debunk the Six Flags story and CD (I couldn’t contact RedDotNet, not to be confused with RedDot Networks, because they’re out of business). The film division of Warner Brothers referred me to the Warner Brothers Music Group. I sent them a message every week for 13 straight weeks and they ignored every single one of my messages despite an auto reply stating they’d respond “shortly”. I asked for the contact information for a manager so I could report my experience and that message was also ignored.
After finding their email address, I emailed the Press Department of Warner Music Group every week for 10 weeks and they also ignored all of my messages. How the staff of a major US company can blatantly ignore their responsibilities and still keep their jobs is beyond me. If I ignored customer emails when I was with Como Audio I would’ve been let go in pretty short order. In desperation, I sent a snail mail letter to Warner Brothers in CA but that also received zero response. If the Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD is a bootleg, I don’t get why Warner Brothers wouldn’t be more willing to say so.
I had only slightly better success with Six Flags in Los Angeles. Their Guest Services referred me to their Public Relations Department which, after 3 weeks, finally got back to me with, “We unfortunately do not have any information or details to share regarding this matter. We wish you the best of luck with your story.” I realize we’re talking over 24 years ago, but it would seem to me the Park would have some kind of record of this (a press release, photos, a contract with RedDotNet, sales records, etc.). Of course, there would be no record if it never happened.
ThThThTh…That’s All Folks
I’m not one to give up easily, but I’ve raised the white flag (all 6 of them) on this magical musical mystery tour. You’ll have to make up your own mind about the Six Flags story and the Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. Regardless of which side you come down on, it certainly makes for a strange Christmas.
Trivia (from www.imdb.com/title/tt0097958/trivia/):“After failing to get the Christmas lights to work one last time, Clark Griswold takes his frustration out on the plastic decorations in the front yard. Chevy Chase actually broke his pinky finger while punching Santa Claus. He resorts to kicking and clubbing the decorations after that. The film kept rolling, and the take was used.”
Trivia: In real life, Randy Quid, who played Cousin Eddie in “Christmas Vacation”, is the third cousin of Gene Autry, who recorded several hit Christmas songs.
Classic lines from Christmas Vacation:
Clark to Cousin Eddie: “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?”
Clark to Cousin Eddie: “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”
Clark to a sexy female store clerk: “It’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out…It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter — hotter than they are.”
Art to Clark: “The little lights are not twinkling.”
Clark to his family: “We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a** down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!”
Every word in my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
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My “Christmas In The Stars” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is the fourth installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
Star Wars(A New Hope) was released in theaters in 1977 and quickly became a sensation. It grossed almost $800 million worldwide. Not bad for a low budget film that 20th Century Fox didn’t have much confidence in. Star Wars won six Oscars and went on to spawn 10 more films, making it the third highest grossing film franchise in history.
Crap
In typical capitalist fashion, every imaginable piece of Star Wars crap was licensed in order to cash in on the hyper-drive hysteria…a ceramic C3-PO tape dispenser, Darth Vader shower head, Death Star waffle maker, life-sized R2-D2 aquarium by Hammacher Schlemmer, and believe you me, that’s only scratching the surface. There was even a Star Wars Christmas album!
A Cast of Thousands
Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album (RS0 Records RS-1-3093) record and cassette was released in November of 1980 and featured C-3P0, R2-D2, Chewbacca, and a then unknown Jon Bonjovi in his first commercial recording (his cousin ran the New Jersey recording studio and co-produced the album). Over 70 people (!) were involved in the making of the record and it was one of the first non-classical and jazz albums to be digitally recorded. With all that talent you’d think this would be the most amazing Christmas album ever. It is. Amazingly bad.
Fast Track
The album actually came together at light speed. Several sources cite a Lucasfilm internal memo from September 1980 that outlined the album concept. Just nine 9 days later, actor Anthony Daniels flew in from London to record his vocals as C-3PO and supposedly had only 1 weekend to do it. Talk about fast tracking a project!
The album and its mostly original material scored a minor holiday hit with the single What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?). It reached #69 on the Billboard Hot 100. If you don’t remember the song, best we keep it that way. Strangely, 3 years after the record came out, a second single was released, R2D2’s Sleigh Ride with Christmas in the Stars on Side B. Even more strange, 10 years after the record came out, a 3” “CD single” was released in Japan featuring R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas and Christmas In The Stars.
After CDs were introduced, someone decided the album was important enough to be issued on CD….not once, but twice. The first was the original 1994 CD by Polygram called Meco Christmas In The Stars (Meco previously recorded Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk) with a pathetic generic cover. In 1996, Rhino Records reissued the CD with the original album artwork and new liner notes. It’s said that up to 9 songs from the original recording sessions remain unreleased to this day. Based on the existing material, perhaps it’s just as well.
My “Christmas In The Stars” cassette. Photo by Peter Skiera.
You can buy Christmas In The Stars on the used record market, but be prepared to spend all of your Christmas money from Santa. Discogs has one cassette tape listed for $150 while eBay has one for $2,100! Amazon has the CD for $89 and the vinyl record for $200.
After reading some of the comments left on Amazon, you’d wonder why anyone would pay that kind of money: “Without [a] doubt, the worst Christmas album of all time. Even kids will hate it. Stay far away”, and “To call this album bad would be an understatement. I realize that this is a children’s album, but I can’t imagine that too many children would enjoy this insipid junk. The lyrics are especially awful. When I met Anthony Daniels, he called this album ‘pure crap’. Take it from C-3PO himself, folks.” Just for the heck of it, I contacted Anthony Daniels and asked him to reflect on Christmas In The Stars. He ignored all of my messages. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to talk about it either. He probably has PTSD.
Truly Terrible
You’ll find other negative reviews besides comments on Amazon. Bradley Torreano’s write-up on Allmusic.com doesn’t pull any punches: “Few Christmas albums are as truly terrible as Star Wars: Christmas in the Stars…this could be the worst Star Wars related album on the market. To those who enjoy bad music on a camp level, this album is priceless. Fans of the series should give it a listen just to hear how bad it is, but this is really only recommended for those who enjoy terrible music for its comic value.” Ouch.
I’m afraid I must agree. Instead of Christmas In The Stars, it should’ve been called Crap In The Stars. Hearing C-3P0, a robot with a British accent portrayed by Anthony Daniels who wasn’t a trained singer, croon Christmas songs is just plain bizarre. Take the “duet” of Sleigh Ride he performs with R2D2. Please, take it. Or his butchering of a modified reading of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas. “Bells, Bells, Bells” is another oddity in which C-3PO tries to explain to R2-D2 what bells are…Chiming what the hour is now / Or they’ll lead you to a cow. Huh? Not exactly Lennon and McCartney. Besides that, the highly sophisticated robot R2-D2 doesn’t know what bells are?
With all that talent you’d think this would be the most amazing Christmas album ever.
Mauray Yetson. Photo from mauryyeston.com/about
The lack of depth in the lyrics is surprising considering the songs were written by Yale University music professor Maury Yeston, who went on to win two Tony awards and three Grammy nominations. Yeston also appears on the album as Santa on The Meaning of Christmas, and his voice is multi-tracked to create the “choir”. He briefly addresses his lyrics on his website: “The fun and light tone of [the album] was targeted towards the younger audience (Maury’s own son was then 7) that had fallen in love with Artoo, Threepio and the Droids, and of course the Wookiee.”
Listening to Christmas In The Stars will make you think you have a DVD of a Star Wars Christmas TV special playing but with the picture switched off. Yet the record wasn’t related to the “Star Wars Holiday Special”, a 1978 made-for-TV movie that should’ve been destroyed along with the Death Star.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
Frankly, the most impressive thing about the album is the cover artwork by Star Wars production artist Ralph McQuarrie. It depicts Santa’s workshop of the future, with toys being assembled by robots. I guess all the elves were transferred to another department, or worse, laid off. Santa is pictured warming himself before a fireplace while C-3P0 and R2-D2 look on. It’s not Currier and Ives but it’s nice as far as intergalactic Christmas album covers go.
According to the liner notes from the CD, Christmas In The Stars wasn’t to be the only Star Wars holiday recording. A series of Star Wars Christmas releases were planned but never materialized for whatever reason. RSO Records folded after the first run, which probably didn’t help matters. Whatever the reason, it was nothing less than a Christmas miracle that we were spared from further abuse.
Speaking of strange Christmas music, the Star Wars CD booklet promotes other classic Rhino Records Christmas albums you’ll surely want to add to your holiday music collection like The Flintstones: Christmas In Bedrock and Have Yourself A Looney Tunes Christmas. As the latter release exclaims, “Christmas tunes like you’ve never heard them before…”, and probably never wanted to.
There’s no doubt that Star Wars was an incredible sci-fi film. Christmas In The Stars is a different story. It’s an album for the ages. Ages 5 to 10. It was ground breaking, as in dig a hole in the ground and bury it. The best part of the album is when it ends. It has to be one of the worst Christmas records ever. If you buy this album, may the remorse be with you.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
Trivia (from www.starwars.com/news/10-things-about-christmas-in-the-stars):“Yoda was supposed to make an appearance [on “Christmas In The Stars”]. Frank Oz, the actor and puppeteer who helped launch Yoda to fame in “The Empire Strikes Back”, was approached to reprise the voice of the Jedi Master for the album’s ‘Meaning of Christmas’ track. Oz couldn’t participate due to scheduling conflicts, so the album eventually settled on Santa’s son, ‘S. Claus’, to fill the role (with revised dialog).”
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Return here next week for the final installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series.
My Max Headroom 45 RPM single. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is the third installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
Max Headroom was a “computer generated”, stuttering announcer who invaded our culture and our TV screens in late 1980s. In reality, Headroom wasn’t a computer creation at all. He was Canadian actor Matt Frewer heavily caked in makeup and latex prosthetics, wearing a shiny fiberglass suit, with strange looking contact lenses in his eyes (when he wasn’t wearing his fashionable Ray-Bans, that is). You never saw him below his elbows. For all anyone knew, he wasn’t wearing pants. A green screen behind him featured colorful Amiga computer graphics.
Matt Frewer in the makeup chair. The photo is signed to me by Humphreys. Photo by John Humphreys and Peter Litten.
I Want My Max TV
Like Frewer, Max Headroom wasn’t “born” in the USA. He was imagined by British director Rocky Morton who wanted an MTV-like VJ to host a British music video show, but something created by a computer. That wasn’t practical in the mid-1980s, so it was decided that an actor would be made-up to look like a computerized character. UK designers John Humphreys and Peter Litten created the custom makeup effects and the suit. The process to transform Frewer into Max Headroom took just over 4 hours from start to finish.
The Headroom character got his first big break across the pond in a UK movie for television. From there, he hosted a British music video and interview show that became very popular. It wasn’t long until Hollywood- the ABC network specifically- took notice and developed a television series in 1987 geared at the American market called…wait for it…Max Headroom.
Max Headroom and Matt Frewer. Photo licensed from alamy.com
Mad Max
The weekly science fiction adventure TV show starred Frewer as reporter Edison Carter (as well as Max Headroom, a computerized version of Carter), Amanda Pays (who was also in the UK TV movie) as his coworker, and Jeffrey Tambor as their producer. The show was set “20 minutes into the future” when TV networks ruled the world. Sound familiar? Frewer’s character was a sort of Mike Wallace of the future, exposing the greed and corruption of the networks. Carter also investigated “blipverts”- intense TV commercials lasting 3 seconds that literally caused some viewers’ heads to explode. Sound familiar?
Taking Max to lunch.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em…
Capitalizing on his popularity, Headroom appeared in TV and print adverts endorsing the New Coke (you can guess how that went), and there were all kinds of Max Headroom branded paraphernalia like a finger puppet, notebook, lunch box, wrist watch, trading cards, sleeping bag, skate board, and even a book titled Max Headroom’s Guide to Life. That’s interesting considering his character combated greed in the TV show.
Newsweek from April 1987.
Maxed Out
Max reached his max in mid-1988, having his plug pulled in mid-second season after just 14 total episodes, not even being allowed the respect of a final episode. TV viewers at the time were much more interested in Miami Vice and Dallas than a wisecracking CGI guy. Ironically, Lorimar, the company that produced Max Headroom, also produced Dallas. At least the show managed to pick up 3 Primetime Emmy Awards before it took its love away.
The promotional single for radio stations had the same song on both A & B sides and didn’t include “Gimme Shades”, a semi-country tune, as the sleeve stated. Photo by Peter Skiera.
A Huge Colostomy
Early on in his career, Headroom gave the world a little musical Christmas gift. Merry Christmas Santa Clause (Chrysalis VS4 44000) was released in 1986 on the heels of The Max Headroom Christmas Special, a US television special that was as successful as a 5-year-old cooking a Christmas turkey by himself. The song is a musical homage to the calorically challenged guy in the red suit who, in Headroom’s opinion, is greatly underappreciated for all he does. The most memorable lyric from the song is, “He bestrides the world like a huge colostomy.” They just don’t write them like they used to.
“You never saw Headroom below his elbows. For all anyone knew, he wasn’t wearing pants.”
Screenshot from youtube.com/watch?v=_GGgWwVlnI8
Terrifying
Headroom was a television star, and although his videos look primitive today, during his short 1986-88 lifespan, they came across as the cutting edge of computer animation, even though they weren’t computer animation. The music video of Merry Christmas Santa Claus features a tube color television set propped up on a bench in front of a shiny white grand piano. The Southwark Cathedral Choir surrounded Headroom as snow, as artificial as Max himself, fell on them. Some of the candid comments from the 23,000 views on YouTube include, “This terrified me when I was a kid”, “This is scary as hell”, “This is terrifying”, and my personal favorite, “Max Headroom f***ing creeps me out!”
Keith Stracham. Photo from strachan.org/biog-pics.html
Donning my detective’s fedora, I tracked down Keith Stracham who produced Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re A Lovely Guy) and asked for any memories he had. “[Merry Christmas Santa Claus] was recorded at CTS studios in Wembley”, Stracham recalled in an email to me. “I have a memory that Matt Frewer wanted to do it as himself rather than having his voice treated so as to be Max Headroom but that was never going to happen. It was the only time I worked on Max Headroom and Matt was very easy to work with. I remember that I asked Guy Barker to play piccolo trumpet on the track. Guy went on to be a famous jazz trumpeter running his own orchestra.”
My radio station copy of Max Headroom’s Christmas single. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lest you think this was Stracham’s sole contribution to music, he’s a renowned TV and theater director, producer, arranger, and composer. He composed the theme music to the popular TV game show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, which was heard many more times over than Merry Christmas Santa Claus. He also wrote Mistletoe and Wine which became a #1 hit in the UK for Cliff Richard.
Merry ChristMax
Alas, Merry Christmas Santa Claus never made the music charts and Headroom disappeared about as quickly as he appeared. Out of curiosity, I went on Chrysalis Record’s website, the record company that released the song, and input “Max Headroom” into the search bar. There were no results. That speaks volumes. Headroom is as memorable today as the 8-bit Commodore 64 computer that was around during the same time period.
Max Reboot
That said, Wikipedia and other sites like syfy.com report that the AMC Network is working on a new Max Headroom TV series presumably for next year. I contacted AMC several times to confirm. After several weeks of silence, my query was escalated to management, but in the end, no one ever responded. I reached out to AMC’s PR Department but they also failed to respond. I queried the company that owns the rights to the Max Headroom character but they also didn’t answer my question. If a new Max Headroom series is indeed in the works, none of the stakeholders seem very interested in promoting it.
Some would say Frewer’s computerized alter ego was ahead of its time. Others would say it was a very strange creation. Headroom’s lone Christmas song is much more the latter than the former. Have a strange C-C-C-C-Christmas, Max, in whatever universe you reside.
Return here next week for the next installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series!
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Please help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon supporter today for just $1 or make a donation of any amount via PayPal. Licensing images to be able to legally use them in my article, for example, costs $50 per photo.
Patreon members can read my exclusive interview with makeup designer John Humphreys and see more behind the scenes Max Headroom photos.
Trivia:Max Headroom’s name came from the last thing Frewer’s TV character saw just before a motorcycle accident that put him in a coma. It was a sign above a parking garage that read “MAX. HEADROOM: 2.3 M”.
Trivia (from Wikipedia): “On the night of November 22, 1987, the television signals of two stations in Chicago, Illinois, were hijacked, briefly sending a pirate broadcast of an unidentified person wearing a Max Headroom mask and costume to thousands of home viewers…A criminal investigation conducted by the Federal Communications Commission in the immediate aftermath of the intrusion could not find the people responsible, and despite many unofficial inquiries and much speculation over the ensuing decades, the culprits have yet to be positively identified.”
Trivia: “Paranoimia” was a song by pop group Art Of Noise that featured the voice of Max Headroom. The single reached #14 on “Billboard’s” Dance chart in 1986.
This is the second installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
My rare, out-of-print “Waffle House Jukebox Favorites CD”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Just about everyone has heard of Waffle House if not eaten at one, or passed their iconic school bus-colored signs. What a lot of people don’t know is that they used to regularly record Waffle House related songs and include them in the jukeboxes in their restaurants for their patrons to enjoy while chowing down. Some of those songs include There Are Raisins in My Toast, 844,739 Ways to Eat a Hamburger, Waffle Do Wop, and I’m Going Back to The Waffle House. These were not short commercial jingles but full length, professionally recorded songs. Originally, the songs were shipped to the establishments on 45 RPM records under the Waffle Records label to be loaded into the jukeboxes alongside regular music. Jukeboxes are still in each restaurant today but they’ve all gone digital. The records weren’t sold to the public, but in 1999, the chain released their first CD, Waffle House Jukebox Favorites Volume 1, which collected many of these musical culinary classics. The 10 track CD has been out of print for over 20 years, but you can download the complete digital album from Bandcamp.com for a mere $1,000!
Waffle Records
845,000 ways to eat a hamburger.
Believe it or not, there’s an actual Waffle Records and they recognize the top Waffle songs played in their restaurants’ jukeboxes with their annual “Waffle House Tunies”. This year’s winner will be announced on their Instagram page in mid-December.
According to Kelly Thrasher Bruner from WH’s Marketing and Communications Department, there are no new Waffle House recordings planned but they hope to be soliciting new songs soon. Their jukeboxes getting updated with new songs via the Internet.
Bacon Spirits Bright
In 2001, Waffle House released a Christmas CD called It’s A Waffle House Christmas. Jerry Buckner and Gary Garcia, best known for their 1982 hit Pac Man Fever, Waffle-ized numerous Christmas songs for this 16-track title. There are several tracks credited to “The Waffle House Carolers”, whoever they are, but that’s just the syrup on the waffles. Some of the other songs include a Frankie Valley-like version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town performed by “The Four Seasonings”, a humorous Elvis inspired ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas reading, and Heading Home For The Holidays done in distinct Dolly Parton style by Mary Welch Rogers, the wife of one of Waffle House’s co-founders. Rogers also lends her vocal talents to Heading Home for The Holidays.
Rogers didn’t get to sing just because, at the time, she was the wife of one of the co-founders, although that didn’t hurt. She’s a professional singer who recorded songs with 20th Century Fox Records in the late 1970’s, plus, she was the one who came up with the Waffle House song idea in the first place back in 1984. I emailed Rogers, now 73, asking her about It’s A Waffle House Christmas, but she declined to comment beyond, “I enjoyed recording and writing some of the WH songs”.
Mistletoe And Maple Syrup
Without a doubt, the standout track on the CD is The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas: “At the Waffle House on Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 different omelets, 5 pork chops grilled, 4 eggs a frying, 3 sausage patties, 2 waffles baking, and a bowl of delicious, hot grits.” I figured I’d spare you the lethal caloric intake from the last 6 dishes. Five of the songs are repeated at the end in instrumental form for Christmas karaoke purposes. Apparently, karaoke is a thing for some families on Christmas day. Mercifully, that was never a tradition I was exposed to.
Christmas, The Waffle House Way
These Christmas songs are finger lickin’ good.
If you’re of a certain age then you know big name companies releasing Christmas albums was hardly unusual back in the day. Goodyear, JC Penny, A & P Supermarkets, BF Goodrich, Avon, True Value, Firestone, and even KFC put out their own Christmas records every year and they were very popular. Those albums, however, were compilations of standard holiday hits. In the case of It’s A Waffle House Christmas, some of the songs were originals and most of those that weren’t had their lyrics “modified” to promote the brand. As to why Waffle House would put out their own Christmas CD in the first place, they explain on the CD’s rear insert: “At Waffle House, the holidays are always a favorite time for good cheer and happiness. This year we decided to capture that same spirit in a special CD collection of holiday songs, all served up with fun and tradition the Waffle House way.”
Waffle Heads
My “It’s A Waffle House Christmas” CD signed by Jerry Buckner. Phpt by Peter Skiera.
Like the Jukebox Favorites CD, It’s a Waffle House Christmas was only sold on the chain’s website and is hard to come by. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I spent many, many (many) months scouring eBay to score my original copy. I finally ended up buying one from Jerry Buckner himself, the guy who wrote or co-wrote many of the WH songs. He even signed the cover for me.
If you need your Waffle House Christmas fix and can’t find the CD, don’t fret. You can listen to the entire album for free on YouTube (link provided at the end of my article) like 2,200 other Waffle Heads (I just made that name up) have. Some of the comments people left on YouTube about the Waffle House Christmas CD include, “If your party’s not this lit, don’t bother inviting me”, and “could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
The House That Waffles Built
Photo from https://www.facebook.com/WaffleHouse/photos
Waffle House started in 1955, 68 years ago, in Avondale Estates, Georgia by two neighbors who wanted a 24-hour, 7 days a week, sit down restaurant, with an emphasis on treating customers like family. It’s now in 25 (mostly mid-west and southern) states with almost 2,000 restaurants, employing over 40,000 people. As their website states, “Waffle House was founded on the principals of providing the friendliest service in town…” Co-founder Joe Rogers, a former short order cook himself, said, “We aren’t in the food business. We’re in the people business.” Incidentally, he named his restaurant “Waffle House” because the waffles were the most popular item on the menu. Waffle House says their restaurants collectively serve over 300,000 waffles every day. Now that’s a lot of waffles.
Waffle House as a company bought back the very first Waffle House restaurant at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia which changed hands back in 1973. The two founders, Joe Rogers and Tom Forkner, had built the original property for $14,000 but the company hasn’t disclosed what it paid to buy back the building which had been a Chinese restaurant for the previous 20 years. In 2008 it was restored to its original 1955 stainless steel glory and turned into a museum.
The small section of the eatery has been outfitted with a period counter, 13 stools, cooking equipment, lighting, condiments, wood paneling, and even plates and mugs. There’s also a small memorabilia room featuring old menus, uniforms, hats, t-shirts, and lots of slogan buttons. For the perfect photo souvenir, there’s an opportunity to stick your head into holes of life size cut outs of vintage servers. And yes, there’s a working jukebox so you can play your favorite Waffle House song. If you’re thinking of visiting it’s by appointment only and you can’t eat there, but admission is free.
“Could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
Image courtesy of Waffle House.
Christmas is a special time to spend with family and friends, to exchange gifts, to hope for peace in the world, and to play strange holiday music. If you think It’s A Waffle House Christmas is odd, come back here every week for the next 3 weeks and be amazed at even stranger holiday recordings. Have A Strange Christmas.
Trivia:When the first Waffle House opened in 1955, per their menu, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 10 cents, hashbrowns cost 20 cents, waffles were 40 cents each as were eggs, 0.65 for a cheese omelet, a hamburger cost 30 cents, filet mignon was a whopping $1.50, and slice of fresh pie set you back 20 cents.
Trivia: Waffle House claims there are 1.5 million possible hashbrown combinations including cheese, onions, and sausage gravy.
Trivia (from WaffleHouse.com): “In 2015, Waffle House proudly served its billionth waffle.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“The founders of the Waffle House brand died in 2017 within less than two months of each other: Joe Rogers Sr. died on March 3 and Tom Forkner on April 26.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“In the 1960s, S. Truett Cathy, the owner of a local diner called the Dwarf House, contracted with Waffle House to sell his proprietary chicken sandwich, the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich. However, the Chick-fil-A sandwich quickly overtook Waffle House’s own items in sales and Waffle House ended the deal, prompting Cathy to spin off Chick-fil-A into its own chain.”
Trivia: August 24th is National Waffle Day.
Trivia: In 2018, legendary country music star Bill Anderson released the single, “Waffle House Christmas”, after having spent a Thanksgiving at a Waffle House.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. ‘This the season for giving. Please help support my website blog. Become a Patreon supporter today for just $1.
Jerry Buckner wrote or co-wrote many of the Waffle House songs including The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas and scored a hit with Pac-Man Fever. Read my 10 Q&As with Buckner only on Patreonalong with more interesting details about Waffle House.
My “Christmas In The Heart” CD and Christmas cards. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is my third-year presenting “Have A Strange Christmas”, where I take a deep dive into strange Christmas records. This holiday, I decided to do something a little different. Rather than cram 5 albums into one very lengthy article, I’ll be posting one strange Christmas record each week starting this week through and including the last week of December. I kick off my series with none other than Bob Dylan.
I recall reading a story about John Lennon playing a Bob Dylan record for Paul McCartney. I think it was around the time The Beatles were recording their Rubber Soul album. McCartney said he didn’t like Dylan’s voice, to which Lennon responded, “Listen to the words, man.” Dylan’s unquestionably a very gifted songwriter, but I’ve never been able to completely get past his whining, gravelly voice. His Christmas album is no exception. Yes, Bob Dylan recorded a Christmas album.
Deep Throat
Dylan’s voice is about as far afield from Bing Crosby and Perry Como as it can get, but that didn’t stop him from belting out an entire album’s worth of Christmas songs in October of 2009. Besides his voice sounding like it’s been roasting on an open fire, Robert Allen Zimmerman was born and raised Jewish, although he later converted to Christianity and changed his name. Dylan said everyone can relate to Christmas music regardless of religion. I agree with him on that score, although I find it difficult to relate to most of the songs on Christmas In The Heart (Columbia 88697 57323 1).
Perhaps if Dylan had used his God-given songwriting talent to write some brilliant Christmas songs of his own for this album, that might have rescued it. After all, we’re talking about the winner of the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature. Instead, what we have here are 15 Christmas classic covers in two nostril, throat-sonic sound. So much so, I think it should’ve been called “Christmas In The Throat”.
The three wise men escaping the “Christmas In The Heart” release party.
Kleenex Says Bless You
Diving into the songs on Christmas In The Heart, sixteen seconds into the first song, Here Comes Santa Claus, it sounds like Dylan’s voice cracks. Other than that, the song is actually pretty good, as is Winter Wonderland. I’d also put Little Drummer Boy in the same category. Must Be Santa is a hoot and is the unquestionable standout track. The rest of the songs on the album, however, are enough to reduce the baby Jesus to tears.
My blurry pics of Bob Dylan on stage and my original ticket stub from 1996. Photos by Peter Skiera.
Dark And Blurry
To those Dylan devotees who feel I’m being too hard on him, I liked him when he was a Traveling Wilbury, and I’ve already acknowledged that I think Dylan is a songwriting genius. Which is why, 27 years ago, I went to see him perform live in Portland, ME. I sneaked in my Minolta 35mm SLR camera and managed to get some snaps from the mezzanine. Dylan was wearing a very unusual shiny silver jacket that looked like it had a million tiny mirrors sewn on it. “Recording devices” weren’t allowed but I had no idea cameras fell into that category. Security staff were going through the audience literally ripping the film out of people’s cameras (this was before there were digital cameras and smartphones). That’s why my photos came out dark and blurry because I was clicking quickly while trying my best to conceal my camera. I also had the flash turned off so it didn’t give me away.
My opinion of Heart must be in the minority because the record opened at #1 on the Billboard Holiday chart, reached #5 on the Folk chart, made it to #10 on the Rock chart, and peaked at #23 on the overall album chart. It would seem music lovers across the board loved this record.
Laughing All the Way
Indeed, on Amazon, 82% of the reviews are 4 stars or above. Yet I found comments that were more along the lines of what I was thinking: “…it’s almost painful to listen to him try to sing. This may be the worst Christmas album I’ve ever heard”; “You have to LOVE Dylan and/or have a fantastic sense of humor”; “It’s like sticking a large bore needle into your ear into your brain”; “Awful. Sounds like my cat in heat…”; “A strange take on many classic songs and it reminds me of being at a Christmas party where everyone has had a few and someone brings out a guitar.”
The hype sticker on the front of my Christmas In The Heart CD mentioning Feeding America. Photo by Peter Skiera.
The Season of Giving
In light of its success, Dylan must have made a bundle off of this album, right? Wrong. Not that he needed the money, mind you. To his great credit, all proceeds went to charity. In the US, Feeding America benefited, while in the UK it was Crisis, with the rest going to the World Food Programme. Strange as it may be, Christmas In The Heart fed a lot of hungry people in the world.
Stocking stuffer: Mrs. Claus is looking pretty good for her age. Illustration by Olivia De Berardinis.
All I Want For Christmas Is You
One thing I do love about Christmas In The Heart is its visual presentation. The front cover artwork of a horse driven sleigh taken from an antique print reminds me of Christmas albums gone by. Inside the CD booklet is a great color illustration of Bettie Page as a sexy Mrs. Claus. If Mrs. Claus looked like that in reality, Santa wouldn’t dare leave her alone with the elves for 5 seconds, never mind all night long. The deluxe CD edition also came with 5 blank Christmas cards that reproduced the album cover art. Bravo.
The creativity didn’t stop with the album. Must Be Santa was released as a 45 RPM single. The promotional copy was issued on red colored vinyl and came packaged in a cardboard sleeve with vintage graphics and a label that made it look like an old 78 RPM record. Bravo again. Incidentally, Must Be Santa was backed with Dylan’s reading of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas which wasn’t included on the LP or CD. It’s the most uninspired reading I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I think it should’ve been called ‘Christmas In The Throat.’”
“Must Be Santa” screenshot from youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus
The Ten Worst
A 2013 Rolling Stone readers’ poll named Must Be Santa one of Dylan’s 10 worst songs. I beg to differ. Granted, it isn’t his best effort, but it’s a fresh, fun polka take on an old Christmas classic that you don’t hear very often. The only thing better than the song is the video which depicts a Christmas Eve party we’d all love to have been invited to. In the video, Dylan meanders through the house singing while wearing different hats. He winds up outside on the porch with the big guy himself. It’s been viewed over 7 million times.
Amazon’s brand new red colored vinyl edition of “Christmas In The Heart”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Back In Stock
If you missed this album when it came out and want a copy to play so you can clear out the stragglers at your Christmas party, you’re in luck. The CD is easily found on eBay and reasonably priced. Prefer vinyl? You’re in luck again. The record was just re-issued last month for the album’s 14th Anniversary. Why wait one more year for 15? Amazon put out their own exclusive red colored vinyl edition. Don’t bother trying to track down the original 2009 record (which came bundled with the CD) unless you’re okay with spending over a hundred dollars.
After the album came out, some music reviewers in the press suggested Christmas In The Heart was an intentional parody of vintage Christmas albums. Dylan responded by saying those reviewers didn’t have a clue about him or his music. Christmas In The Heart isn’t a parody, but it is strange.
Trivia:Dylan produced “Christmas In The Heart” himself but used the pseudonym “Jack Frost”.
Trivia (from krcgtv.com/features/beyond-the-trivia/beyond-the-trivia-best-selling-christmas-artist): “The artist who’s sold the most Christmas albums is Elvis Presley and his 1957 album, ‘Elvis’ Christmas Album’, is the best-selling Christmas album of all time. It contains Elvis’s iconic version of ‘Blue Christmas’. So far, it’s sold some 20-million copies. Kenny G is second on the list at seven million albums, followed by Nat ‘King’ Cole and Mannheim Steamroller.”
Return here next week for the next installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Please help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon supporter today for only $1 or make a donation of any amount via PayPal.
Robert J. Lurtsema as Santa Claus. Photograph by Kurt Stier.
If you listened to public radio in New England in the 1970s and 80s, even into the 1990s, chances are you remember the name Robert J. Lurtsema. Lurtsema hosted and produced a very popular 5-hour morning drive classical music program, Morning Pro Musica, for nearly 29 years. The radio show emanated from WGBH, a 100,000 watt FM public radio station in Boston. For a time, his show was also simulcast on WGBH-TV.
Lurtsema wasn’t just a well-known Boston area radio personality. Morning Pro Musica was carried by numerous public radio stations throughout New England, and for a time, over many NPR affiliate stations throughout the US via satellite. At its height, the program had a half million listeners. The Christian Science Monitor called Lurtsema “the world’s greatest alarm clock”.
Even if his name doesn’t ring a bell, you’ve probably heard Lurtsema’s distinctive voice. He voiced the opening to Public Television’s Mystery! (Produced by WGBH-TV), narrated many public TV documentaries, narrated an episode of the PBS TV series Nova, and can be heard on several records.
No Personality
I only knew Lurtsema as the host of Morning Pro Musica, but he had a profound influence on me as an undergraduate studying radio at Emerson College. My voice wasn’t anything like his but I adopted his speaking style. To say it was laid back would be an understatement. Thus, I earned a reputation at my college’s non-commercial radio station for being incredibly boring on the air. I wanted to work in public radio so it didn’t concern me that I wasn’t as exciting as Howard Stern. Unfortunately, I was never able to break into public radio, though I did score interviews with the two biggest public radio stations in Boston; WGBH and WBUR. WGBH actually called me to do some fill-in announcing but I was recuperating from eye surgery at the time and was reluctantly forced to decline. They never called again. Like a single beautiful woman, you only get one chance with public radio. I ended up working in commercial radio so I was forced to develop a personality. But I digress.
Getting To Know You
Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
As I got to know Lurtsema better through my research, it turns out he lived quite a life. He served in the US Navy for 5 years and held all manner of jobs before finding his calling as a classical music radio host. He was awarded a lifetime scholarship to the New England Conservatory of Music. My research also revealed he was passionate about environmental causes, nuclear disarmament, medical research, and civil rights. He sat on dozens of boards for music organizations throughout New England and was the artistic director for 5 years for the “Brown Bags for Kids” series at Worcester’s Mechanics Hall. He narrated two children’s records…The Story of Babar and Peter and The Wolf. He performed live narrations with orchestras. He authored 2 books, was a sculptor, painter, photographer, and composer (his bassoon quartet composition was adapted as the theme music for the PBS-TV program “Julia Child and Company”).
Ambassador Lurtsema
During his radio years he became an unofficial US ambassador as it were, having received formal invitations from the governments of France, Germany, Scotland, Greece, Canada, Israel, Finland, and the Netherlands. The latter country hosted him as one of 40 distinguished guests of Dutch heritage (the Dutch spelling of his last name is Luurtsema).
Warm Fudge
Back in late 80s, I had my clock radio set to wake to Morning Pro Musica even though I wasn’t a classical music buff. “Start your day with Robert J”, as the slogan went. Lurtsema began every show with a recording of bird songs…a recording he made himself. The bird songs would play without interruption, often for as long as 5 minutes, and then slowly mix with his opening classical piece. What a wonderful way to wake up! He had a calming voice which the New York Times likened to “warm fudge”. His pauses were so long you could drive a Mack truck through them. He was a welcomed alternative to screaming morning DJs in hysterics over nothing, playing music that was equally meaningless. In a promo for Morning Pro Musica, one listener described Lurtsema’s program as “sanity in a world soon to become insane. It’s an opportunity to take that last deep breath before you get on the fast track.”
Have A Taste
On the flip side of the record so to speak, not everyone held Lurtsema in such high esteem. Many were annoyed by his notoriously infinite pauses. Some considered Lurtsema narcissistic. Classical snobs didn’t like the selections he played or the way he framed them. Still others felt Lurtsema was just plain boring. He was an acquired taste, but for myself and hundreds of thousands of other listeners, it was a taste that lingered pleasantly on the palette.
News Break
The music Lurtsema played (he spent hours meticulously planning each program months in advance) and his on-air personality (or lack thereof) wasn’t all he was known for. He also insisted on writing and reporting his own newscasts during his show, something none of the other music hosts could get away with. He always opened his news segments with, “Here’s a look at some of the items in the news as edited and reported by your ‘Morning Pro Musica’ host.” The morning after the 1980 presidential election in which Ronald Regan defeated Jimmy Carter, Lurtsema announced, “there is no news worth reporting this morning”, and proceeded with his show. WGBH tried to replace his news with live hourly NPR news reports from Washington, D.C. and California. According to one telling of the story, Lurtsema threatened to quit and the radio station backed down, while another story said listener protests were so overwhelming that the station was forced to restore Lurtsema’s own newscasts.
Live From Tanglewood
From 1995 onward, during the Boston Symphony Orchestra’s opening weekends of their summer seasons, Lurtsema broadcasted live from Tanglewood, a music venue in Lenox, MA, and the home of the BSO since 1937. During this period, Morning Pro Musica featured live performances and interviews with John Williams, Seiji Ozawa, and Arlo Guthrie just to name a few. Other notable guests on his program included Aaron Copland, Isaac Stern, John Cage, and Itzhak Perlman. In the radio industry, or at least in the public radio realm, Morning Pro Musica became the gold standard for classical music programs.
Tell Me A Story
My rare original “Christmas Stories” CD on the Philo Records label. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema hosted special Christmas editions of his morning show featuring Christmas stories he narrated himself. Over the years, his listeners wrote in asking for copies of his moving readings. In 1981, he answered their requests with his first and only solo record…Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories, which celebrates its 42nd anniversary this year.
Best Pauses
In case you couldn’t tell, the cherubic faced man in the Santa Claus suit on the cover of Christmas Stories is indeed Mr. Lurtsema. The image, with his obscured smile, gives us a glimpse into his playful side. According to Wikipedia, “Lurtsema displayed a subtle sense of humor. On April Fool’s Day 1982, he stood in for the singing birds with his own deadpan chirping, and on April Fools’ Day 1992, the birds were replaced by howling wolves. Aware of his reputation for long pauses, on another April Fools’ Day, Lurtsema presented selections of his ‘best pauses.’ One morning, he devoted his full five hours to playing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ in all of the variations that he could find.”
Lurtsema vs. Shatner
Christmas Stories’ backside. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Like Morning Pro Musica and Lurtsema himself, Christmas Stories is unusual and at the same time remarkable. Besides the fact that it was put out by a radio announcer, this Christmas album doesn’t include a single Christmas song and Lurtsema doesn’t sing any songs, which would’ve proved interesting in itself. I envision him doing a spoken holiday song a la William Shatner. If you’re looking for sing-a-long with Robert, this isn’t it. Rather, it’s a showcase for Lurtsema’s voice and unique delivery, both of which were well suited for the subject matter.
Perfect 5 Star Rating
Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories enjoys a rare 5 out 5-star rating on Amazon. Some of the comments from the reviews include, “an amazing set of Christmas stories (and history) told by one of the best voices of our time. A must have for the holidays and Christmas Eve. I am not religious and I find these moving and in the true spirit of the season.” Another person wrote, “this collection of Christmas stories is carefully chosen and beautifully delivered. The recording quality is exceptional. A wonderful album!” Still another opined, “for beauty of language and soul of reading, this is a great addition to any library of Christmas recordings. Highly recommended!”
Despite such high praise, Christmas Stories didn’t exactly go platinum. I have a memory of seeing multiple copies of this record embarrassingly collecting dust in discount record bins. Its appeal would’ve been very limited. Lurtsema was popular, but he wasn’t Frank Sinatra. Besides, the album was distributed by a very small record label, Philo Records, which catered to folk, jazz, and world music, and operated out of a converted barn in Vermont.
CD Or Not CD, That Is the Question
In spite of or perhaps because of its limited appeal, there’s decent inventory of Christmas Stories on the used record market such as eBay and for reasonable prices. Alas, the coveted CD is more expensive and much harder to come by, which is odd since it was distributed by Rounder Records which had much wider distribution. I ended up finding one on Amazon of all places! The Amazon listing shows “CD-R”. To me, that meant the seller was selling copies, which is against US Copyright law. I went ahead and purchased one anyway and was extremely surprised to receive an original CD, not a copy, and it even included the original Rounder Records mail-in postcard. As of this writing, the listing is still on Amazon but there are no more CDs available. I contacted the seller about this and they apologized and said their inventory constantly changes.
If you’re not into physical media as I am, Amazon sells the MP3 download of the album for under $10. If you’re entertaining the idea of buying Christmas Stories, I’d suggest getting the digital download, CD, cassette tape, or a sealed or mint copy of the vinyl record so the crackles and pops don’t compete with the star of the show. I’ve included links at the end of my article. Unfortunately, there are no liner notes by Lurtsema or any background information about his readings, and the CD doesn’t include any bonus tracks.
The Bird Is the Word
Earlier I mentioned recordings of happy chirping birds that Lurtsema used to open each show with. If you’ll allow one of my trademark digressions, WGBH radio released a record and cassette of those recordings in 1984, entitled Dawn Chorus: The Birds of Morning Pro Musica, which can also be sourced on used music sites. Lurtsema isn’t heard on this recording, just his birds.
My “Man Who Planted Trees” CD and my very rare “Voices of The Loon” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema On Record
There are other Lurtsema related records you might find of interest, such as the Paul Winter Consort’s The Man Who Planted Trees from 1995, beautifully narrated by Lurtsema, and Voices ofThe Loon from 1980.
My “Wassail! Wassail!” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
There are 2 additional Christmas titles I’ll briefly bring to your attention if you’ll indulge me, though they’re not Lurtsema records per se. Wassail! Wassail! from 1995 features a mix of early American Christmas music and narration. Of the 21 tracks, 4 are narrated by Lurtsema, including a powerful reading of The Angels and The Shepherds. Though long out of print, this CD is available on used record sites.
The overlooked “The Christmas Revels” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I donned my detective’s fedora and after some extensive digging, discovered The Christmas Revels: In Celebration of The Winter Solstice. It includes just 1 reading by Lurtsema which is why it flew under my radar. The track I speak of, The Shortest Day, is a poem written by Susan Cooper. It times out at less than 90 seconds, but it’s 90 seconds of full throttle Lurtsema. You can easily find this CD used, and possibly the original gatefold vinyl album as well, but amazingly, I found this 43-year-old title being sold new on CD by none other than The Christmas Revels themselves (link at the end of this article).
David Lurtsema, Robert’s brother.Photo by David Lurtsema.
Since I was already wearing my detective’s fedora, I decided to track down David Lurtsema, Robert Lurtsema’s only brother. I’ve become quite the detective since I started my own blog and after some searching on the Internet and a few phone calls, I was able to connect with him. David’s 81 and still working, yet he managed to carve out some time for a late night (very late night!) phone conversation.
Peter: What did you think of Robert’s radio program, Morning Pro Musica?
David: “Um, I really didn’t hear that much of on the air for him. As far as radio is concerned, I went to his studio a couple times, but that was about it. And listening to his program…not very much because I [couldn’t] get it [where I lived].”
A page from the program of the Celebration of Life of Robert Lurtsema. Document courtesy of Emmanuel Church.
Peter: Can you give me one interesting or humorous story about your brother?
David: “When he passed away, they had a big celebration of life at [an] Episcopalian church somewhere in Boston; a big church. [Editor’s note: It was Emmanual Episcopal Church in Boston]. There were like 5,000 people there and they asked me to get up and speak. What the hell am I going to say? So, I figured I’d say what he said and I told a story that he had told me that’s true as far as I know. My brother was in demolitions in the Navy. The captain called him in and said, ‘Robert, you’ve been recommended for E4’, because he was an enlisted man. He was a 3rd class petty officer for three times and [he never took the test]. [The captain said,] ‘I want you to promise me you’ll take the test and you’ll study hard.’ Well, if he took the test and passed it, he knew that he would be extended because doing demolition work, they needed these guys. He said, ‘Okay, captain, I’ll take the test and I’ll study hard.’ So, he did and the captain called him in again and he said, ‘Robert, you’re the only man in the history of the Navy to get 100%…Wrong!’ I got up in front of 5,000 people to tell that story. It got a couple of laughs.”
Paying my respects. Photo by Mary.
Peter: I was in Rhode Island visiting relatives a couple of months ago and I went to visit Robert’s grave in Canton, MA, where his ashes are interred.
David: “I’m so glad you’re telling me. I know where it is now. Great. That’s where he was supposed to go but I never got the word what happened with that. All I got with the word was, was that Betsy [Robert’s girlfriend] was bitch moaning and complaining that he didn’t have some great, ah, thing built for him, and I think the thing about the family was, well [chuckling], why don’t you take some of the money and give it to him yourself?”
Peter: Since I’m writing about Robert’s “Christmas Stories” record, what was Christmas like as a child in the Lurtesma household?
David: “Well, I don’t have a lot of recollection of it because there was 10 years between us. So, in other words, when [Robert] was old enough to go in the navy, I was what, 6, 8 [years old], somewhere in there. So, I remember how the Christmas’ were for me but to remember him there, it wasn’t very often
Peter: But did you decorate and have a tree?
David: “We did. We decorated to the hilt. The tree [had] many lights and many ornaments. A lot of presents.”
Peter: Any other stories you’d like to mention about your brother?
David: “Another thing you may not know about him, as long as I’ve got it in my head…I don’t talk to anybody about this much, so I’ve got to bring it out of the memory. He was a child prodigy. His IQ was up like 160 or something. Off the charts. He graduated high school with 2 double promotions…he had 2 [college] degrees in 4 years…a degree in public relations and communications and, ah, I can’t remember what the other one was. It’s been too long now.
“He did children’s stories in Phoenix with a collaboration with some people there. He did, ah, what else? I can’t think right now.”
Peter: He wrote a couple of books.
David: “Yes. He wrote a book on music. I have the book. It’s basically written for musicians because most people wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was in there.”
David (left) with his brother, Robert, on Cape Cod. Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
Peter: I only knew Robert as a listener of his show. What was he like as a person?
David: “When I got out of the Navy, I lived with him for a month or so. We both loved a lot of the same things but his lifestyle was more erratic than…erratic is probably the wrong word. I should say looser than I wanted to live. He liked to go to nudist colonies. That’s fine, but too much of anything is not good.
“I remember his apartment in, ah, oh, I can’t remember the name of the town.”
Peter: Cambridge?
David: “Yes. Thank you. He had an apartment in Cambridge. His bed was suspended by 4 cables coming out of the 4 corners of the ceiling and the cables were attached to springs to hold the thing together and the mattress on top of that. So, the bed was suspended off the floor. That was quite the thing. He was very innovative.
“I went to a psychic a few years after he died [to get] in touch with him. We had a lot of conversations back and forth and it was all taped…and the psychic is getting a kick out of his personality because he [had] a very unusual sense of humor. She caught that right away as soon as she started talking. She’d never met him. It was very revealing. The things I wanted to say to him about how I wished we had spent more time together and how he regretted not doing it because he didn’t really know who I was until later. A lot of good things happened from that. I was so glad that I had done it.”
In terms of Lurtsema’s gifted story telling on Christmas Stories, his brother says that stemmed from their father. “My father was a storyteller. He was a carpenter. He would come home in the evening and have dinner with us; my two sisters, my brother and I, and he would always tell stories about the day. He would talk about Mrs. McGillicuddy or Mrs. Schwartz, or whatever, with an accent that was theirs so you knew what nationality they were. It was kind of play acting but it was very entertaining for us. And of course, all that rubs off on everybody.”
“As far as his storytelling and so on”, David continued, “I have those records you’re talking about. There’s The Man Who Planted Trees. If you haven’t heard that it’s excellent. And Christmas Stories and so on. I went to a lot of performances when I was…in Boston…one where [Robert] was doing imitations, voice overs, I guess it was for Peter and what was it…”
Peter: “Peter and The Wolf”.
David: “’Peter and The Wolf’. Thank you. It’s late here. Later for you though.”
David said something at one point in our conversation that I wanted to end with because it had an important message for all of us: “He was somebody I loved greatly and admired, but we just didn’t spend enough time together and we were both very sorry about that.”
As with his radio program, Robert J. LurtsemaChristmas Stories is a refreshing break from the usual onslaught of holiday chestnuts we subject ourselves to on an annual basis. It requires one to slow down or even to stop and contemplate the reason for the season. Anyone could’ve recorded these stories, but not in Lurtsema’s inimitable way. As much as I enjoy listening to this wonderful album, I can’t help but feel sad knowing there will never be another show like his or another host like him. If he were still alive today, he’d be 92, and if his health allowed, I’m certain he’d still be playing those singing birds every morning. Two-plus decades after his passing, I still miss waking to his voice. He truly was the world’s greatest alarm clock. I don’t know what the voice of God sounds like, but I can only hope it sounds a lot like Robert Lurtsema’s, prolonged pauses and all.
My eternal thanks to David Lurtsema for sharing his memories, memorabilia, and photographs.
Trivia:RobertLurtsema was originally hired to host ‘Morning Pro Musica’ only on weekends. Not long after, he was promoted to the coveted weekday morning drive slot when the seat became available, yet he still continued to do his weekend shows, working 7 days a week for the next 22 years. In 1993, ‘Morning Pro Musica’ went back to weekends only, which Lurtsema hosted until his death. On June 12, 2000, at age 68, he died from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a rare illness of the respiratory system.
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If you own records like I do, you probably have a few that never saw life on CD, or perhaps they did but the CDs are hard to find or too expensive, yet you’d love to listen to those albums on CD. If you’re technically inclined you could copy the records onto CDs yourself, but you probably wouldn’t be able to eliminate the pops and clicks and generate high definition artwork.
Where To Turn?
I have a few records that were never released on CD and probably never will be. I prefer not to play them since they’re collectibles, yet I wanted to be able to enjoy the music. Yes, I still own and play CDs and I own 2 CD players, yet I didn’t have the ability to transfer the records onto CDs. Even if I did, they would include all the noise from the records. If I used a service to do this, I wanted to be sure my records would be handled with care and I’d end up with something I’d be happy with. I searched the Internet and found a resource I felt comfortable relying on…Record Rescuers in San Diego, CA.
Recordrescuers.com, a division of King Tet Productions, has been in business for almost 30 years and was one of the first to offer this kind of a service. It isn’t a store, a sideline business, or a part time hobby. Owner Eric Van der Wyk is an audio engineer and composer as well as a graphic designer and musician. He plays the electric sitar amongst other stringed instruments and studied Classical Indian music under Ali Akbar Khan. He’s worked on audio and video projects for Warner Brothers, the late Roy Clark, Troma Entertainment, Buck Trent, and many others. His website (link at the end) has numerous glowing reviews from satisfied customers from around the world, be they professionals or regular music lovers like you and me.
The process to turn your records into custom CD-Rs is pretty simple. The first step is to contact Van der Wyk to discuss your needs and coordinate mailing your record(s) to his studio. Pack your records securely, include a check for whatever you owe (or Van der Wyk can invoice you via PayPal after he receives your platters), and send them off. Some of his customers actually have records shipped directly from the sellers they bought them from.
Once received and paid for, Van der Wyk dubs your precious albums onto CD-Rs, and in the process, removes most if not all of the surface and other noise in the records’ grooves. Everything is done in the digital domain in 24 bit/96kHz (high resolution) which Van der Wyk says is twice that of a Blu-Ray DVD movie soundtrack. He’ll also craft the artwork for the CD-Rs if you’ve included that option.
Depending on how busy Van der Wyk is, you’ll generally have your albums and new CD-Rs back to you in about a week, give or take. He does his work in the order received, but rest assured, he won’t allow your albums to sit around for an extended period. He prides himself on turning around his projects promptly.
Despite the company’s name, Record Rescuers isn’t limited to just LP’s. Van der Wyk also works with 78 and 45 RPM records, cassette tapes, reel-to-reel tapes, and DAT tapes. He’s even transferred MiniDiscs to CD-Rs, though you may have to ship him your MD player.
But wait, there’s more, as Flex Tape’s Phil Swift might say. Van der Wyk also repairs cassette tapes and transfers VHS tapes and any kind of film, including Betamax and 8mm, to DVD. It’s one stop shopping for all of your audio and video restoration needs.
Van der Wyk with a draft of the artwork for my RAM CD-R. Photo by Eric Van der Wyk.
Van der Wyk’s graphic design experience kicks in when it comes time to create the high-definition artwork that goes in the front and back of the jewel case and gets printed on the CD-R’s surface (if you’ve paid for that service). This makes him as much an artist as an audio engineer. He has many examples of his finished work on his website and you can see images of the albums he’s recently restored on his facebook page (link at the end).
In my case, after I emailed and then spoke with Van der Wyk, I shipped him 3 albums…Kay Martin’s I Know What He Wants For Christmas (But I Don’t Know How To Wrap It), Paul McCartney’s RAM (in mono), and John Bult’s Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday. Allow me to briefly break down each record and its corresponding Record Rescuers CD-R for you.
I Know What He Wants For Christmas
“I Know What He Wants For Christmas” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I wrote extensively about this album in an old “Have A Strange Christmas” blog post, so I’m not going to rehash the details here. For this article, suffice to say it’s an adult Christmas record from 1962 with cheeky songs like Hang Your Balls On The Christmas Tree, Santa’s Doing The Horizontal Twist, and I Want A Casting Couch For Christmas. Side B features live bits from Kay Martin And Her Body Guard’s risqué comedy shows (“Ms. Martin’s received 11 requests and not a damn one of them is for music!”)
This record was reissued in 2015 on RockBeat Records, which is impossible find, but was never released on CD. I have the original pressing on dark green vinyl and I didn’t want to degrade the condition with each play, so I asked Record Rescuers to transfer it to CD-R.
After I received the newly minted CD-R, I popped it into my beloved vintage Technics SL-P999, unsure if it would even play CD-Rs considering it’s 34 years old. It read the TOC. So far, so good. With fingers crossed, I pressed the “Play” button with some degree of hesitancy and was amazed at what my vintage Blueroom Minipod speakers reproduced. The sound quality was eyebrow raising, without a single snap, crackle, or pop from a 61-year-old record! The organ sounded, like, crazy, man. Martin’s voice is somewhat reminiscent of Lola Albright’s with a pinch of Lucille Ball, and it was strong and clear. The mostly spoken word comedy show portion had a few sonic issues that managed to find their way onto the CD, but nowhere near as bad as it sounded on the record.
The album artwork Van der Wyk generated was equally impressive, and he invested quite a bit of time getting it just right. A previous owner had written on the front cover and used Wite-out and colored markers which I asked to be cropped out. Although this personal touch made my copy unique, I didn’t appreciate how it ruined the front cover. All in all, the CD-R is a great acoustic and artistic restoration of a wild vintage holiday album. Kay Martin herself would be titillated.
2. RAM
“RAM” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Paul McCartney’s second solo album after the Beatles broke up was RAM from 1971, and what an album it was. Every track was a winner, not just the #1 hit Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey. RAM was issued in stereo, but interestingly, in Brazil, a mono version was also released. Mono versions were also shipped to US AM radio stations (AM stations broadcast in mono) in a white cover with a white label. Other than the Brazil pressing, the mono version was never made available commercially to the public.
That changed in 2021 when the mono version of RAM was remastered at Abbey Road studios in London and re-issued as a limited-edition vinyl record (my copy is stamped #14868). It was never released on CD though there are various bootleg CDs of the album. Why would anyone want to hear this fantastic album in mono? Because the mono version uses a different mix from the stereo version. Some actually prefer the mono mix to the stereo mix.
Record Rescuers came to the rescue again, expertly transferring my record to CD-R. The plain white artwork is hardly exciting but Van der Wyk worked his magic and made the CD-R look great. The quality of the recording was fab. This is one CD that will find itself in my CD player very often.
3. Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday
“Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Were it not for this record cover from 1981, country singer John Bult would’ve remained unknown. It’s gone down as one of the worst album covers in history. At first glance, the picture looks like an older man trying to pick up an underage girl in a seedy bar. Or, judging from the expression on her face, perhaps he got her pregnant and he’s trying to comfort her. Interpret the cover however you wish, but you must admit it isn’t exactly Sgt. Pepper. For his part, Bult said he never approved that cover photo and had assumed one from a professional photo shoot was going to be used. He wasn’t a happy camper, and from what I’ve read, apparently still isn’t to this day.
Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday was reissued in a small batch four years later, still using the same embarrassing front cover, but it was never put out on CD. This was another opportunity to put a scarce album on CD-R so I could enjoy it without fear of degrading the original.Here again, I was blown away by Record Rescuers’ work. The artwork for this title, which presented a bit of a challenge, was spot on. The sound was perfect, as if I bought the CD from a record store. I could practically hear the truck accident described in the depressing title track. Not bad for a 42-year-old record!
Here again, I was blown away by Record Rescuers’ work. The artwork for this title, which presented a bit of a challenge, was spot on. The sound was perfect, as if I bought the CD from a record store. I could practically hear the truck accident described in the depressing title track. Not bad for a 42-year-old record!
I reached out to Van der Wyk to get more information about his craft.
Eric Van der Wyk. Photo from https://soundcloud.com/kingtet
Peter: Why did you get into the audio restoration business?
Eric: “As a struggling artist in the 70s, (with no budget for decent recording equipment) I had an idea that by 2000 I would connect my reel to reel tape deck to a computer and use it to make my old tape recordings sound better. I achieved this in 1996 by creating new interfaces for a computer, that’s when I decided it was a career idea, not a hobby. This lead to my suite of related services for restoring irreplaceable audio recordings from LPs, 45s, 78s, cassettes and reel to reel tapes.”
Peter: Does your background as a musician give you an advantage in this kind of work?
Eric: “I think it helps immeasurably. My broad knowledge of music styles and appreciation for diverse genres helps people to know they’re in good hands. I try to find something to love about every recording that I’m given to remaster. I think it helps to love what you’re doing and have passion for preserving something that’s important to my clients.”
Image from record Rescuers’ facebook page.
Peter: What specific equipment do you use in your home studio?
Eric: “Over the past 25 years I’ve been steadily upgrading and appending the equipment in my studio, the software involved and the techniques that I’m developing. Like a Doctor or a Lawyer, I consider this a “practice” so my work is always evolving and (in my opinion) on the path towards perfection. I use a professional turntable with a unique interface I developed, it is equipped with 7 unique Pro Cartridges, ranging in value from $200 to $900 each and are selected based on various aspects of the type of record involved.”
Peter: Your process doesn’t involve applying any subjective equalization to the original music, right?
Eric: “For normal LP and 45 conversions, correct. I do what I call an “honest restoration” which means that no frequencies are boosted and no compression is added. Great care is taken to preserve the original stereo image, dynamics and dynamic relationship between the tracks. What you end up with is something cleaner and hotter but technically “flat” so you can apply your own personal EQ settings on playback and it will respond. Artists and record labels appreciate this because I’m not “ruining” the recording trying to make it sound “modern”, and it is appropriate for re-issues. Many of my clients have stated that my remasters and hot, yet warm, and not “cold” like many digital recordings are considered to be.”
Peter: Do you ever receive records that have so much noise or defects that they’re beyond restoration? What’s the most challenging project you’ve worked on?
Eric: “Most of the 78s I receive are home-made “acetate” recordings which only had a few good plays back in the 1940s. Today these records have more noise than signal, the noise is literally louder than the voice. So, I developed a nine-step process to make them “listenable.” Any recording that can’t sound “stellar” or “excellent” can at least be improved to become “listenable.” These records are typically from 1947, my website for this service is 78toCD.com and there’s a link to a New York Times article about this.”
Peter: What are a few of the more rare or unusual record titles you’ve received from clients over the years? What’s the oldest record you’ve ever handled?
Eric: “I’ve done a few old Edison records that were over 100 years old. Songs like “The Old Grey Mare”, that’s a lot of fun. It really shows the genius of Edison that his “unbreakable” records from over 100 years ago still work! How many “things” today will last that long?”
Screenshot from Record Rescuers’ facebook page.
Peter: Do you have a rough idea of how many records you’ve restored since you started?
Eric: “That’s a great question, I really haven’t kept track. However, when my clients order the optional cover art, I also post a Hi Def jpg of the front cover to my company facebook page. There are now over 5,000 examples of OOP album covers to peruse.“
Peter: Your clients are really passionate about their records, aren’t they?
Eric: “Indeed, it makes what I do fulfilling and satisfying.”
Peter: You’ve got the best job ever! You’re your own boss and you get to listen to music all day and get paid for it.
Eric: “I’m grateful every day to be doing such important work for so many interesting people. It’s challenging, stressful, long hours, but I love being busy with such relevant work. It certainly is a blessing to be successful at a business I made up.”
Image from madelineforman.com/
Van der Wyk mentioned a New York Times article. This was perhaps his most famous project. Two years ago, he was asked to restore several 78 RPM records for a then 94-year-old woman who had recorded them back in 1946. Not long after, Madeline Forman packed the records away and forgot about them, knowing her childhood dream of being a professional singer could never become a reality. She rediscovered the dusty records more than 7 decades later during COVID. Her son got in touch with a cousin, who in turn, recommended Record Rescuers to restore the records. The heartwarming story received national press coverage.
My Record Rescuers CD-Rs. Photo by Peter Skiera.
That’s great, you say, but how much does all of this cost? It’s more affordable than you might think. Each CD-R of a restored album costs $35 which includes a jewel case and a label on the CD-R. If you want glossy color front and back artwork in the jewel case then that costs an additional $10. For “full artwork”, which includes the front and back artwork plus color printing on the front of the CD-R instead of a label, that costs $25. Based on the CD-Rs I received, I’d highly recommend this option. If you want an extra copy of a CD-R, that adds another $5-$8.50 per CD-R depending on what artwork level you prefer. If you send in 78 RPM records, those are $7.50 per side. For a complete menu, refer to Record Rescuers website (link at the end). You’re responsible for the cost to ship your records to Record Rescuers in CA but Van der Wyk ships your first order (up to 5 LPs) back to you via USPS Priority at no charge. From my own experience I can tell you he does an excellent job packing the records to insure they arrive back to you in the same condition you sent them.
Image from Record Rescuers’ facebook page.
With the thousands of albums Van der Wyk has restored over the last 2+ decades, you might wonder why he wouldn’t make a bunch of extra copies and sell them on his website. People would be willing to pay good money to get high quality CD-Rs of rare or obscure records. Van der Wyk knows that wouldn’t be fair to the customers mailing in their records to him. Moreover, it would be illegal under US Copyright law, though there are companies that somehow manage to fly under the radar and make CD-R copies in bulk of records and sell them.
If you’ve got audio media, be they LPs, 78s, 45s, reel-to-reels, cassette tapes, or a combination thereof, and you want to get them on CD-R and get the best sound quality and visual presentation, I can think of no better company than Record Rescuers to trust your precious music with. You’ll be very pleased with the end results as I was.
And if you’re looking for a unique Christmas or Birthday gift for that special music lover in your life, look no further than Record Rescuers. Imagine their surprise when they see the custom CD-Rs and listen to the music! Unlike some other gifts, this is something they’ll keep forever and enjoy many times over.
“Billy Joel’s “52nd Street” was among the first commercially released on the compact disc format (it was one of 50 CDs released on October 1 in Japan…
“Mercedes-Benz was the first automobile manufacturer to offer a CD player as a factory option in 1984.
“Born in the U.S.A.” became the first compact disc manufactured in the United States for commercial release when CBS and Sony opened its CD manufacturing plant in Terre Haute, Indiana in September 1984. Columbia Records’ CDs previously had been imported from Japan.
“For years after CD players hit the market, they remained unpopular and were mostly limited to fans of classical music. Dire Straits then released “Brothers in Arms”, the first totally digital album. It sold 30 million copies and is credited with launching CD players into the mainstream.
“David Bowie was the first major artist to convert his entire catalog to the compact disc format in 1985.
Tony Bennett’s 1987 “The Art Of Excellence” was the first album to be initially released on CD instead of the traditional vinyl format.”
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Disclosure: The CD-Rs reviewed in this article were received at a discount. I do notreceive a commission if you do any business with Record Rescuers.
One Sound Burger to go, hold the pickles. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Model:Audio-Technica Sound Burger AT-SB727
Price: $199
Inputs/Outputs: Headphone out, Line out, Bluetooth 5.2.
In the box: Sound Burger,Quick Start Guide, Audio cable, USB-C cable.
Colors: Black, White, and Yellow
Pros: As much fun as you can have without getting arrested. Easy to setup and use. 12-hour playback. Replaceable rechargeable battery. Bluetooth 5.2. Good sound. Great retro style.
Cons: Lifting tone arm can be tricky. Can’t defeat the phono preamp. No volume control. Susceptible to vibration. No place to store locking pin. No non-grip surface. Speed controls are delicate.
Hungry Anyone?
Don’t drive up to your favorite fast-food joint and ask for a Sound Burger. They won’t know what you’re talking about. But chances are, people into vinyl records will. Audio-Technica first released the Sound Burger late last year. It sold out within 2 days and until recently, had been on constant back order. So, what is this thing that had people waiting months to get? The Sound Burger is a new, belt-driven, portable Bluetooth turntable inspired by the original model introduced by AT some 40 years ago. It’s practically become the hottest thing in audio since the phonograph was invented. Nipper now has something cool to listen to when he goes outside to do his business.
Hurry Up & Wait
Image from AT’s facebook page.
I was able to score my Sound Burger through a contact at AT, but still had to wait a few weeks to get it. Burgers are just now starting to show in stock on AT’s website, Amazon, and other places (links provided at the end of my article). I already own 3 turntables, so why get another one? My turntables are heavy, full size, and I don’t have room for them since I was forced to sell my home, so they’re packed up in boxes. I wanted a turntable that was easy to move, wouldn’t take up a lot of real estate, wouldn’t take up an afternoon to setup, and wouldn’t cost a lot. Those cheesy Crosley “suitcase” record players with their ceramic cartridges weren’t even a consideration.
Strange Looks
A portable turntable is a rather odd device when you stop to think about it. Are people really going to lug a box of records around and then plop down in a park, or wherever, and start listening while passersby gawk? It would come in handy if you frequented used record stores or flea markets and wanted to preview albums before you bought them. It would also be a very cool thing for a dorm room, provided no one steals your Burger. In my case, my Sound Burger is staying safely in my house. Besides, I get enough strange looks as it is when I go out in public.
Preparing Your Burger
Setting up the Sound Burger is as easy as deciding what condiments to put on a burger. The first order of business is to unscrew the locking pin on the back. Don’t forget to do this or you’ll damage the tone arm. Disappointingly, there’s no place to store it so be sure not to lose it. The next thing to do is plug in the included USB-C cable and start charging the Li-Ion battery. Now comes the fun part. Lift the lid, lift the tone arm, remove the rubberized clamp, place a record on the platter, apply the clamp (which cleverly doubles as a 45 RPM adapter), close the lid, turn the unit on, select 33 1/3 or 45 speed (sorry, no 78 RPM), and place the tone arm on the record to start the platter spinning. Your Burger is now well done.
Well, not quite. You need to connect it to something for the sound part of the Sound Burger to work. You have 3 options: There’s a stereo 3.5 mm headphone output, 3.5 mm stereo line output (audio cable included), and Bluetooth 5.2. There’s no volume control so if you’re connecting to something that has no volume control then you’re at the mercy of Sound Burger’s fixed level output.
Bite Me
Neither of my headphones have a volume control. Photo by Peter Skiera.
That output, as I discovered, is quite low, to the point where I wasn’t able to enjoy my cherished closed back Oppo PM-3 Planar Magnetic headphones. I switched to my Tin HiFi T4 wired ear buds but the sound level was even lower with those. Unfortunately, neither of those models have a volume control. Why AT failed to include a volume control on the Sound Burger is a mystery. A simple rotary volume control couldn’t have been beyond the realm of human engineering and couldn’t have been that costly.
Public Speaker
Thisisn’t what it looks like. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Above the Burger’s Power and Speed buttons is a simulated vented area that one might understandably mistake for a speaker grille. To be clear, the Sound Burger doesn’t have a built-in speaker. You must connect it to something to be able to hear it. This might strike you as odd that a portable audio device lacks a speaker, but I’m actually glad AT didn’t include a speaker. It would’ve added to the cost, would’ve been mono, would’ve sounded horrible, and would’ve had no volume control. Hands up anyone who wants to pay more for a useless feature.
Sound Burger’s Sound
The Sound Burger playing with my Cyber Shell Bluetooth speaker. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Putting the unfortunate headphone experience behind me, I next connected my Sound Burger via Bluetooth to my portable Muzen Cyber Shell portable Bluetooth speaker. It paired and connected almost immediately and sounded excellent (thankfully, the Cyber Shell has a volume control). I have read of instances where the Sound Burger’s Bluetooth refuses to play nice with certain Bluetooth speakers and ear buds so you might want to have a plan b from outer space just in case.
Be Nice
What a shelf system! Photo by Peter Skiera.
Speaking of playing nice, the most important Bluetooth test was my Dayton Audio HTA100 hybrid tube integrated amplifier which has a Bluetooth receiver. My Sound Burger refused to pair and connect to it despite repeated attempts and with it literally sitting right next to my integrated amp. This was incredibly disappointing because the HTA100 is my primary audio system which I use daily. Upon further investigation, it turned out my HTA100 was connecting to my Vizio TV’s Bluetooth even though my TV was totally turned off (not in standby)! Huh? I went into the Vizio’s settings menu and instructed the TV to forget the HTA100. Once I did that, the Sound Burger paired and connected to the HTA100 within seconds and remained connected. It then connected automatically every time I used it. Double yay!
What Do You Like On Your Burger?
The Sound Burger singing the blues via Bluetooth. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I was in a jazzy and bluesy mood so I began by playing a few tracks off of Richie Garcia’s vintage “A Message from Garcia” (Modern Harmonic MH-8078). This mono album from 1956 is not exactly the most vibrant recording, but it was enjoyable on the Burger nonetheless.
From there, I turned to the fantastic “Nina Simone Sings the Blues” (RCA LSP-3789). I bought this record a number of years ago through Vinyl Me Please but had never listened to it for various reasons. Now I know what I was missing. The Sound Burger did it justice and if it had a “repeat” function I would’ve used it.
My autographed copy of “The Drifter”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I turned up the heat even more when I put on “The Drifter” by Mike Flanigin (Black Betty BBST-4068). Believe me when I say there isn’t a bad track on this album. When “Nina” began to play, I cranked up my integrated amp’s volume up to 45% and closed my eyes. It was a Sound Burger in paradise. Vocals were clear and strong, the bass was powerful, and I could hear each individual instrument.
To wind things down, I played my near mint copy of Shadowfax’s “The Dreams of Children” LP (Windham Hill WH-1038). Despite the recording being 38 years old, the music sounded perfect. I’m well acquainted with this record and I was pleased with everything I had heard.
Like A Version
The Sound Burger’s Bluetooth transmitter is version 5.2 which is one level below the latest 5.3 version. There’s not a lot of difference between versions 5.2 and 5.3, but 5.2 is superior to older Bluetooth iterations…version 5.2 is more stable and has improved latency (delay). It also requires less power in order to maximize battery playback time which AT puts at 12 hours on a full Burger charge (a USB-C charging cable is included).
Juice Me Up
Sound Burger’s single rechargeable battery cell. Photo by Peter Skiera.
While I’m on the battery topic, major kudos to AT for making the 2100mAh battery user replaceable. AT doesn’t yet sell replacement batteries but generic replacements can be easily sourced if you get desperate. I’m tired of Bluetooth devices with built-in batteries that aren’t user replaceable, requiring you to dispose of them (and the money you paid for them) when the batteries are spent.
Hum Along
If you want the best sound reproduction, there’s always the old-fashioned wired option via Sound Burger’s 3.5 mm line out (a short, inexpensive audio cable is included). Again, make sure whatever audio device you’re connecting to has a volume control. I need the wireless option since my HTA100 only has one set of analog inputs and they’re taken up by my cable box. One minor complaint- The Sound Burger has a built-in phono pre-amplifier allowing it to be conveniently connected to an auxiliary input. The problem is if you have a stereo receiver, integrated amplifier, powered speakers, etc., that has a dedicated phono input like my HTA100 does, there’s no way to defeat the Sound Burger’s internal pre-amp, meaning you can only connect it to an aux input. There’s also no ground screw on the Sound Burger, but so far, I haven’t noticed a hum problem.
Get To the Point
One of the keys to a turntable’s sound is its cartridge and stylus. In the Sound Burger’s case it’s the moving magnet ATN3600L which retails for $24 and is described by AT as good for “casual listening”. It’s the stock cartridge used on many budget turntables but don’t be put off by that. The ATN3600L enjoys a solid reputation in audio circles for its overall sound quality and tracking, with some claiming it sounds as good as cartridges many times its price. To my ears, it sounds good if slightly bright and aggressive. Regardless, it’ll have to do because there’s no upgrade path. But let’s be honest…the Sound Burger is not an audiophile piece of equipment, nor does it claim to be. Yet I have no complaints when it comes to its sound considering its price point and what it is…a Burger, not a Kobe A5 Wagyu Tomahawk steak.
Where’s The Beef?
Since the Sound Burger only weighs about 8 times that of a McDonalds’ quarter pounder, it’s very susceptible to vibration. Tap on its surface while it’s playing a record and expect to hear a corresponding loud pop from whatever you’re listening to it on. It’s too bad AT didn’t add some weight inside like a hunk of steel for a little more damping and a more quality feel, though I suppose extra weight would be counter to a product designed to be portable.
While we’re on the topic of touch, the Sound Burger’s plastic exterior is smooth and slippery…not the ideal surface for a portable device. Granted, it has a small handle on the back, but whenever I moved it, I instinctively lifted and carried it. I didn’t want it swinging around carefree from its handle and potentially banging into something. A rubberized coating and/or knurled areas to provide a good grip would’ve been appreciated. As a side note, in a couple of weeks I’ll be evaluating a generic carrying case.
Getting Technical
May the tracking force be with you. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Tracking force is the weight required for the stylus to follow the grooves in the record. Too little weight and the tone arm will lift off the record. Too much weight and the sound will be distorted and you could damage your record and stylus. I measured my Burger’s tracking force at 3.35 grams straight out of the box. The ATN3600L user manual recommends 3.0-4.0 grams with 3.5 grams being standard. Mine is within spec but I would’ve preferred it at least meet the standard and there isn’t any way to adjust the weight.
I Got Screwed
The Sound Burger’s two speed adjustment pots. Photo by Peter Skiera.
As you can see from the above graph, my Burger was exceeding the speed limit with 33 1/3 averaging 34.05 RPM, while 45 RPM topped out at 46.24 RPM. Being the anal audiophile that I am (some would say “anal audiophile” is being redundant), I decided to manually adjust the speeds using the 2 access holes on the bottom of the Burger along with a small, flat-head screwdriver. I was successful at adjusting the 45 RPM speed but 33 proved more elusive. The tiny white plastic adjustment piece broke off the potentiometer before I could finish my tinkering. As a result, 33 1/3 is now stuck at 27 RPM rendering it unusable (I’m in the process of getting my Burger repaired through Audio-Technica). Luckily, I saved this speed adjustment task for last. I had already completed my evaluation before tackling the speed issue. My advice to you is unless the speeds are way off, leave the trim pots alone. They’re too delicate to fiddle with and it isn’t worth the risk.
De Colores
Some like their Burger pink in the middle. Photo from AT’s website.
Let’s switch gears from technical to color, or Technicolor. The Sound Burger was first released in a limited-edition red version last November to celebrate AT’s 60th Anniversary and the 7,000 Burgers sold out. Earlier this year the Burger was made available in black and white, and more recently, in yellow, all priced at $199 each. Had it been me, I would’ve made the limited edition in silver which was the original and only color when it debuted back in 1983 as “Mister Disc” in the USA. I would’ve made the red color part of the regular line up. AT would’ve sold many more than 7,000 if red had been a standard color. It’s also a great color for marketing purposes.
“Mister Disc” was a weird name but it fit the era. Besides, the name “Walkman” had already been taken. In the UK and Japan, it was called the “Sound Burger”, and that’s the name AT used for this 2023 reboot. It’s certainly a more playful name though equally weird. Perhaps it was intended to hint at the fun that was in store for the new generation of Burger lovers.
61 Years and Counting
AT’s AT-LP2022 acrylic turntable is clearly different. Photo from AT’s website.
As I mentioned, AT has been around for almost as long as I have. It was founded by Hideo Matsushita in Tokyo in 1962. It was initially a phono cartridge manufacturer starting with the AT-1, the first affordable phono cartridge. Today, the company’s product lineup includes an impressive selection of turntables, headphones, microphones, professional equipment, and of course, phono cartridges. Their limited- edition AT-LP2022 turntable is a head turner with its dense, clear acrylic chassis, platter, and Shibata stylus. At $1,200, it’s a tad more expensive than the $199 Sound Burger.
Need A Lift?
Take care when lifting the Sound Burger’s stylus. Photo by Peter Skiera.
From comments I’ve heard and read, handling the tone arm is apparently the most difficult part of using the Sound Burger. There’s no space for a tone arm lift, so it has to be accomplished manually. I’m right- handed and I have a slight shake in my right hand, which hopefully is nothing serious, yet I had no problem managing the tone arm. There was only 1 instance when I slightly scraped the stylus on the record while lifting the tone arm. That said, I can see it being a little challenging for some users.
Light Me Up
I admit I’m a closet light freak. I love lights on my audio gear and I suspect I’m not alone. We’re part of the great silent audiophile majority. Lights might not make any contribution to sound quality but they definitely raise the fun factor. The Sound Burger has small power/charging/BT and speed lights, but the speed light only comes on when it’s set to 45 RPM. Had I been the Product Manager for this model (AT, if you’re listening, I’m available), I would’ve made the speed LED bi-colored so it would be one color for 33 1/3 and another color for 45 RPM. That way there would be a light on regardless of the speed setting.
While we’re on the topic of lights, I would’ve placed a single blue LED in the center of the Bluetooth pairing button instead of making the power light do triple duty. I also would’ve back lighted the “Sound Burger” name whenever the unit was on. Did I mention I love lights?
Have It Your Way
I’m not done. I would’ve included a downward firing LED mounted to the outside of the lid above the record on the side that houses the tone arm. Not only would it look very cool illuminating a spinning record, it would also aid in placing the stylus if you were looking to drop it on a specific track. The cost of these additions would’ve been minimal as would the power to light them, it would’ve further distinguished the Burger from the original model, and it would’ve multiplied the fun factory by ten.
May I Take Your Order?
Image from AT’s website.
Put simply, Audio-Technica‘s Sound Burger is the Happy Meal of portable turntables. Like fast-food, it’s convenient, fun, provides instant gratification, and sounds delicious. It even has a cover to prevent one’s drool from coating the platter. In a word, you’ll flip over the Sound Burger. Get it? Flip? Burger? See what I did there?
Disclosure: I purchased my Sound Burger at an accommodation price, though notin return for this review.
Main audio system used in this review: Dayton Audio HTA100 hybrid tube integrated amplifier with Bluetooth 5.0, Blueroom Minipod speakers with Transparent Audio Hardwired Speaker Cables on Perlegear speaker stands, Sunfire True Subwoofer Super Junior with SVS SoundPath subwoofer cable, and TrickleStar TS-1104-7 Tier 1 Advanced PowerStrip.
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Trivia (from Wikipedia): “Since the late 1990s, Audio-Technica supplied microphones and headphones for US television shows such as ‘Big Brother’, ‘Deal Or No Deal’, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions, and several international events.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia): “In 2005, Audio-Technica developed ‘Uniguard’, a method for making microphones resistant to radio frequency interference from cell phones, Bluetooth devices, wireless computer networks, and walkie-talkies. 13 patents were involved in bringing the feature to fruition…”
Links to buy Sound Burger(I don’t receive a commission if you buy one):
This used to be a modest 1 room cottage. Photo by Peter Skiera.
When I was a kid, my parents owned a primitive beach cottage in southern Rhode Island. Don’t picture anything extravagant. After they bought the one room cabin, they hung a up bed sheet to create a “private” room. The sink had a hand pump that went to a well in the back of the house. There was no TV, no telephone, and no bathroom. Our neighbor across the street let us use their shower until we finally installed one of our own in the shed. It may have been primitive, but it was our little slice of paradise for some 17 summers. My mother nicknamed the cottage “Peace of Mind”. I drove by it last year and the original cottage is long gone, replaced by some monstrosity with central air on tall concrete pilings.
Its location is important to my story because it explains how I was able to pick up AM radio stations from New York. Along with Rhode Island beautiful music station WLKW, I credit these stations for sparking my interest in a career in radio broadcasting. The three NY stations I listened to were WNBC 660AM, WINS 1010AM, and WNEW 1130AM. All 3 are still around today in one form or another.
1. WNBC 66AM
Image from www.facebook.com/WNBCRadioTribute/
When I was a wee listener, WNBC-AM was a talk and “adult top 40” music station. It was the flagship radio station of the NBC radio network. I was around 12 or 13 years old at the time. This station was my gateway drug to Don Imus and Howard Stern, both of whom went on to become national shock jocks. One WNBC poster pictured Stern and Imus with the slogan, “If we weren’t so bad, we wouldn’t be so good.” If my mother had known I was listening to them she would’ve confiscated my radio!
In 1988, General Electric, who had purchased the NBC network, sold off all of NBC’s radio stations per FCC regulations during that time (one company couldn’t own both television and radio stations in the same market for fear of a monopoly). WNBC-AM was sold off and became WFAN-AM, the world’s first 24/7 sports station. WFAN still resides today at 660 on the NY AM dial (I use the word “dial” knowing radio “dials” don’t exist anymore).
Thanks to the miracle of Internet radio, you can listen to original WNBC-AM broadcasts, sans Don Imus and Howard Stern, courtesy of Time Warp Radio out of NY. The station streams at 128 kbps in MP3 but I must warn you, the sound quality of some of the recordings is sub-par. The source material is aircheck tapes. Back in the day, air check tapes were cassettes a DJ would use to record his air shift. The station’s Program Director used the tapes to critique the announcer’s performance. The tapes were typically “scoped”, only capturing the DJ’s chatter (the tape machine automatically went into record mode every time the microphone was turned on), not the music or commercials. However, the quality of such tapes is much better than some of what I’ve heard on this station. I have an aircheck tape from my time in radio and the quality is very good. Perhaps some of these tapes were late generation copies of the originals and/or were in poor condition.
You’ll hear the original announcers (with plenty of reverb, making them sound like they’re broadcasting from deep inside the Bat Cave), news, station jingles, and the original commercials. You’ll hear the music as well, but since these are aircheck tapes, there will also be segments where all you hear is the DJ introducing the songs and speaking at the tail end of songs. In other words, no music. You’ve heard the slogan, “all music, all the time”. During those segments, it’s all DJ’s, all the time. There are also segments where the program ends abruptly, presumably marking the point when the aircheck tape reached its end and stopped recording.
If you’d like a sound quality upgrade and more music, try 66 WNBC. It’s a tribute Internet radio station streaming out of NY that replicates WNBC’s playlists from the late 1970’s to the early 80’s with an occasional original station jingle but no announcers (and no annoying reverb). The first time I tuned in they were playing the top 66 (for “66” WNBC) songs of 1976. Another time they were running down the top 66 songs of 1982. Sweet.
If you want to relive the days when AM radio was still a primary source for listening to music, check out WNBC 660 Time Warp Radio and 66 WNBC. I’ve included the streaming links at the end of this article.
2. WINS 1010AM
WINS was one of the first all-news radio stations in the US and it still exists today on the AM and FM dials and on the Internet. In fact, I was in New Jersey briefly a couple of months ago and rented a car to get to my destination. I punched up WINS 1010 AM on the car’s radio and it instantly brought back memories of listening to WINS at our R.I. beach cottage all those years ago. After WINS switched to an all-news format in 1965, it had the sounds of teletype machines running in the background while the news was being reported. Originally, they had a live microphone stationed at the machines in the newsroom to capture the sound. Sadly, they stopped the teletype SFX several years ago which is a shame. Fast forward many years later when I read the news live on WPRO-AM, I played the sounds of a dot matrix printer in the background.
Be that as it may, if you don’t reside in the tri-state area, you can tune WINS on the Internet and hear what’s going on in New York and around the world. Give them 22 minutes and they’ll give you the world. Unfortunately, your imagination will have to supply the teletype sounds in the background.
3. WNEW 1130AM
Image from facebook.com/groups/148879591795762/
WNEW-AM was a massively popular radio station primarily playing music from the great American Songbook (not to be confused with WNEW-FM or WNEW-TV). So why, at 12 years old, was I listening to this AM music station? What can I say? I was a strange child.
I well remember WNEW’s wonderful specialty shows like Tony Bennett Time (Bennett actually recorded a jingle for the station), The Make-Believe Ballroom, and Sinatra Saturdays. Legendary WNEW DJ William B. Williams has been credited as the first to nickname Sinatra the “Chairman of the Board”. I also remember some of the DJ’s occasionally going off the rails and slipping in a Beatles, Bee Gees, or Stevie Wonder hit or some other song that had nothing at all to do with the great American songbook. I never understood that. Don’t get me wrong. I love music as much as the next person, but I also appreciate structure, and WNEW-AM wasn’t a free-form radio station. As a listener, it was like sitting comfortably on a train going 100 MPH and the engineer suddenly hitting the brakes without warning.
WNEW Station Director’s office, 565 5th Ave, NYC. Photo from the Library of Congress LC-G612-T-49671
The station wasn’t only known for its music. It spent a fortune building a first-class radio news team. At its height, WNEW’s newsroom had more than 26 reporters and writers. It was said to be the first music radio station that broadcast local newscasts every hour. According to writer Paul Colford, WNEW’s reporters roamed the country and the world, traveling “to Africa to interview Albert Schweitzer, they roamed the South to size up the civil rights movement, they broadcast from Vatican Square and Cape Canaveral.”
As time went on, the station began to show its age, as did its listeners, who ranged from 80 to dead. Such an audience was not appealing to advertisers. Fewer advertisers resulted in reduced revenue. This, combined with the fact that the days of AM radio stations playing music were all but over, resulted in WNEW’s death. Colford wrote this obituary: “WNEW-AM / 1130, the 58-year-old outlet for the music of Frank Sinatra, Lena Horne, Mel Torme, and America’s greatest songwriters, died today after a long illness marked by financial losses, anemic rating, schizophrenic programming, and the dismissal of practically every personality who made it special.”
The new owners, Bloomberg, changed the call letters and put in place an all-financial format. As the New York Times put it, WNEW went from Sinatra records to stock reports. It was the end of a slow, painful death. Prior to that, the station had been sold in 1986 and the owner’s cut costs and screwed around with the programming, adding talk shows and gutting the newsroom. It marked the beginning of the end…the Titanic started taking on water. The station changed hands again in 1988 and the new owners further contributed to its decline. In December of 1992, WNEW 1130 gently slipped below the airwaves.It’s hard to believe the station has been gone for more than 30 years and that makes me feel old and irrelevant.
Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. WNEW-AM is back! Well, sort of. Time Warp Radio, the same Internet radio network that brings you vintage 66AM WNBC broadcasts, also streams old WNEW-AM broadcasts. As with the WNBC stream, WNEW 1130 Time Machine’s sound quality at times leaves a little something to be desired, though it streams at an above average bit rate of 192 kbps. It also relies on airchecks, meaning there will be segments where you’ll only hear the announcer and no music.
The station’s playlist includes music from the 1920’s and 30’s, which makes no sense to me. All of that said, I’ll take it over nothing at all. In a way, the quality makes it even more authentic since music over AM radio wasn’t exactly high fidelity. It’s a gas to hear the original WNEW announcers, station jingles, weather, news (I heard a story on Watergate), and even the commercials the station played back then (Gimbels, Barneys, ShopRite, etc.).
Here’s a thought- How about WNEW-FM creating an HD2 station for WNEW-AM? WNEW-FM has had a string of failed HD sub-channels…all Christmas music, Smooth Jazz, and even a Russian language station (pause to scratch scalp). I would think a WNEW-AM HD2 channel would be a no brainer.
Other Options
I’m pleased to report there’s another option with consistently better sound quality: Metromedia Radio out of New York City. Metromedia was the company that owned WNEW-AM from 1956 until 1986. Metromedia officially closed in 2014 and Metromedia Radio, launched in 2010, operates with its blessing.
The station features former WNEW announcers and original jingles, yet the shows were recorded after WNEW went silent, which confused me. The station’s description says it streams “in the tradition of WNEW 1130…the world’s greatest radio station…with the help of former WNEW-AM and Metromedia Radio talent and executives.”
Joe Fay. Photo from LinkedIn
I got a hold of Joe Fay, Metromedia Radio’s General Manager, to help me understand what I was listening to. “About 12 years ago”, Fay explained to me in an email, “I was able to buy a large collection of various surviving reel-to-reel tapes from the WNEW-AM archive (about 200). The tapes were largely WNEW jingle packs, various promotional materials, and actual pre-recorded shows such as WNEW Music Spectaculars. I digitized everything and started the Metromedia Radio stream back in 2010. As I digitized, I also edited content, resulting in WNEW bumpers and the voiceovers of [WNEW announcers] Jim Lowe, Ted Brown, and William B Williams. It’s been really fun crafting this station. Thankfully, I have had the support of the Brown and Williams famil[ies].
“I also started a Facebook group”, Fay continued. “Via the group, I met up with former WNEW talent such as Bill Quinn, Dick Carr, and Marty Wilson. In 2014 we started producing radio shows for syndication. Unfortunately, that did not work out, but those shows were put into our Metromedia Radio library. Bill Quinn is still producing shows for us on a weekly basis. Additionally, I was able to connect with Sid Mark, Mark Suduck (former Metromedia Los Angeles) and Jason Wall along with other DJ’s who were interested [in] airing content on the station. Most recently I have been able to find and digitize about 100 mid 1970’s show[s] produced by William B. Williams.”
As to the origin of the music and the format, Fay told me, “The automated stream of music is from my personal collection. Our streaming of automated music is model[ed] after the Dick Carr, Middle of the Road format. Dick was the Station Manager at WNEW from 1967 through 1969. [The programming] is consistent with the music WNEW played from 1955-1985. Within the archive, I have old tapes labeled ‘Non-Stop Music Hours’ that also served as a source for building out my person music collection and would naturally be added to the automated stream. Artists like David Allen or Jane Morgan [was] unknown to me, until I listened to some of the old tapes. They are now on the playlist.”
That playlist remains much more faithful to the great American Songbook than the WNEW Time Machine stream, but lacks the authentic vibe WNEW 1130 Time Machine provides. You’re listening to actual WNEW-AM broadcasts on the Time Machine, whereas Metromedia Radio is more of a tribute station with Live365 commercials. Still, a high-quality copy can be almost as satisfying as the original, and that’s certainly the case here.
The last WNEW related Internet radio station I’ll mention is The Jonathan Station, named after famed WNEW-AM announcer Jonathan Schwartz. His is the only name (and voice) I remember from those summers listening from Rhode Island so long ago.
One of Schwartz’s record albums.
If his name sounds familiar, it should. Schwartz is the son of composer Arthur Schwartz (That’s Entertainment, You and the Night and the Music,Dancing In The Dark, and By Myself). He’s written several books including an autobiography and recorded a handful of albums. He was on the radio for nearly 60 years, most of that time on WNEW and later, WNYC. He also had a stint at Siriux/XM radio on their Sinatra channel.
Schwartz at the mic in 2018. Photo from Schwartz’s facebook page.
Schwartz’s on-air delivery was unique to say the least. He would talk for lengthy periods with frequent pauses, both of which are third rails for most DJs. He would recount stories of famous singers and songwriters, including Frank Sinatra. According to Wikipedia, “Sinatra himself was amazed by Schwartz’s knowledge of every song he had ever recorded.” Schwartz wrote the liner notes for the Sinatra release, The Voice- The Columbia Years 1943-1952, for which he won a Grammy for Best Album Notes in 1986.
Five years ago on Father’s Day, at the age of 80, Schwartz launched his own Internet radio station called The Jonathan Station. As you might have surmised from Schwartz’s background, it features music from the great American songbook. Surprisingly, Schwartz’s color commentary is nonexistent. You’d think he’d be all over the station since he named it after himself and has the name recognition. He didn’t even record any station IDs. It’s as if he went out of his way not to be on the air, yet his vast knowledge and gentle voice was exactly what I wanted and expected to hear. The Jonathan Station’s website says the station is “the home of Jonathan Schwartz”, yet whenever I tuned in, Jonathan wasn’t home. Schwartz did host live weekend programs on his station before he retired in 2021, but so far, I’ve yet to hear repeats of those shows. Individual shows are accessible for playback on The Jonathan Station website, but I wanted to hear them on my Internet radio as part of the station, not from a computer. After all, it’s The Jonathan Station, not The Jonathan Computer.
Instead, what I did hear was a show called “The Penthouse”. At first, I thought I had tuned the wrong station or that the station’s metadata was incorrect. Strangely, The Jonathan Station’s website makes absolutely no mention of “The Penthouse”. Likewise, The Penthouse’s website makes no reference whatever to The Jonathan Station! I donned my detective’s fedora and requested clarification from The Jonathan Station’s Program Director, Bob Perry, who coincidentally, also happens to be President of the company behind “The Penthouse”. Weeks have passed and I’ve yet to hear back but will certainly update this section if/when I do.
Legend has it, the last Sinatra song WNEW-AM played before going off the air was Frank’s cover of We’ll Meet Again. Thanks to WNEW 1130 Time Machine and Metromedia Radio, we have.
Tony Bennett Time
Tony Bennett, 1926-2023. Photo from Bennett’s facebook page.
One major drawback to such “set and forget” Internet stations is that they rarely break from their standard programming. However, a few days after his passing, Metromedia Radio played an old William B. Williams radio show that featured an excellent interview the announcer did with Bennett along with lots of his music. At least one station was paying attention.
You now have a plethora of stations that will give you a blast from the past. I’ve listed all their streaming links below for your convenience. If you’re a Recommended Stations supporter, your support helps to keep this blog and these kinds of articles going. To become a supporter and discover even more interesting stations, join today for just $1 and get my Recommended Station in your in box every month.
Trivia: During one of his radio shows,Jonathan Schwartz gave a negative review of the third record in Frank Santra’s “Trilogy” album. Unfortunately for Schwartz, Sinatra knew the man who owned the radio station and had Schwartz fired.
Trivia:Both 66 WNBC and 1130 WNEW were advertised as broadcasting in stereo. How could mono AM radio stations be in two channel stereo? In the 1980’s, some AM stations broadcast in stereo using 1 of 5 different competing systems, each requiring dedicated hardware to decode the stereo signal. The FCC adopted Motorola’s C-Quam (Compatible Quadrature Amplitude Modulation)system in 1992 as the AM stereo standard. That standard had already been employed years earlier in Canada, Australia, Mexico, and Japan. According to Wikipedia, there are 43 AM radio stations in the US still broadcasting in stereo using the Motorola system, most of which are small, independent stations.
Radio from a different era. Image from wnew1130.com
Trivia: In 1966 and 67, WNEW-AM partnered with the Superior Match Company to feature WNEW announcers on matchbook covers. Inside each matchbook was a coupon for free entry into NJ’s Palisades Amusement Park, which at the time cost 40 cents.
