Radio Rewind is a random “pop-up” series that looks back at a Hitchhiker Station (a strange radio station) from the past. It’s been 2 years since my last Radio Rewind, so I’m long overdue for another edition, and this one’s a doozy.
One beautiful section of Wave Farm. Photo from Wave Farm’s Instagram page.
In September of 2021, I wrote about a bizarre Internet radio station with an equally bizarre name: Weather Warlock Quintronics. The Weather Warlock device is connected to outdoor sensors located at a place called Wave Farm in New York’s Upper Hudson Valley. The sensors measure wind, precipitation, temperature, and sunlight. Makes sense. So, what’s the Weather Warlock and why is it bizarre?
The sensors and the Weather Warlock. Photo from wavefarm.org
The Weather Warlock is a custom-built analog synthesizer…a musical instrument of sorts, that’s “played” by the weather. It doesn’t display readings from the sensors like a traditional weather base station. Instead, it converts the weather data it receives from the sensors into electronic sounds and streams them live over Wave Farm’s Internet station. It’s a musical instrument and Mother Nature is the musician.
Weather = sound.Image from weatherfortheblind.org
The more complicated Mother Nature gets, the more complex the sounds. The Weather Warlock is most active at sunrise and sunset, though a lightning storm or a very bright moon would also trigger dramatic sounds. Tune this Internet station and you’ll essentially hear the weather. “Quintron” (Robert Rolston), the inventor of the Weather Warlock, would love to have Weather Warlocks installed all over the world “so that listeners may experience musical interpretations of a variety of different climates and time zones – from Iceland to the Amazon.” In addition to the Weather Warlock at Wave Farm in New York, there’s a second Weather Warlock located in New Orleans where Quintron makes his home.
Constantly Vibrating
Why craft music from weather? As Quintron explains on bandcamp.com, “the resulting music was designed for self-hypnosis and healing. I wanted something with movement and changes, but completely devoid of human organization – like a fire, or a lake reflecting moonlight. Constantly vibrating with change but also very still.” Okay.
Image from wavefarm.org
Try and Catch the Wind
I’ve mentioned Wave Farm several times so an explanation is in order. Wave Farm is based in Acra, New York, and was founded in 1997 as a non-profit organization dedicated to experimentation with airwaves and broadcast media. You’ve probably never heard of it before, yet it’s been around for almost 30 years. According to their website, Wave Farm is “an international transmission arts organization driven by experimentation with the electromagnetic spectrum. We cultivate creative practices in radio and support artists and nonprofits in their cultural endeavors.” Their slogan is “Radio for Open Ears”. They feel strongly that airwaves should be used for creative and experimentation purposes and accessible to the public.
Made Possible by Andy Warhol
As I mentioned, the Weather Warlock was invented by Quintron in 2014 and was made possible in part by support from the Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts, the New York State Council on the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Arts. Exactly who or what is Quintron? I was afraid you’d ask that. Grab my hand and let’s jump down another rabbit hole.
Quintron’s cute little “Bath Buddy”. Image from bathbuddy.space
The Spit Machine
Quintron is a New Orleans-based, one-man band, organ player, music club proprietor, and inventor with several patents to his name. If you think the Weather Warlock is odd, hold on to your umbrella. Building on the theme, Quintron created “Traffic Saxx”. The device transforms the “noise of tire traffic on NY 23 into a signal that can be mutated and manipulated by DJs” on Wave Farm’s radio station.
Another of his inventions is the “Drum Buddy”, a light-activated drum machine that uses a rotating empty tin can with a light inside it. According to Wikipedia, “as the can rotates, its holes pass the Drum Buddy’s photoelectric cells, firing drum-like tones and theremin or Moog synthesizer-like chirps or buzzes.”
“Bath Buddy”, yet another Quintron invention, is described as a “water conservation device” which sold for $65 and came in 3 exciting colors. It had a long, wired sensor that activated an alarm when your bath tub reached the desired level to prevent accidental overflowing.
My favorite invention, however, is Quintron’s “Spit Machine” which uses human saliva as a tuning conductor. Pause for laughter. Quintron described its operation on Wikipedia: “You had to spit on a stick, like a paint stir stick, and you had two metal leads that you would touch to either end of the line of spit and then you would move the leads closer together – higher pitch – and farther apart – lower pitch.” I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
Quintron (left) and Miss Pussycat. Photo from panacherock.com/artists/quintron-and-miss-pussycat
Sleazy Nightclubs
Quintron’s wife, Panacea Pussycat (aka “Miss Pussycat”), is also an inventor. According to their website, she created “an inflatable puppet theater which fits into her purse.” Besides her “technicolor puppet shows”, Miss Pussycat also sings backup vocals and plays the maracas in her husband’s band. They describe their music as “barely controlled electronic chaos, ‘Swamp-Tech’ dance beats, small explosions, incredible clothes, and entertaining puppet stories.” Jane, stop this crazy thing. Quintron has recorded more than 20 albums and performs live using a Weather Warlock and/or several Drum Buddies as musical instruments. The band has performed in clubs all over the world, but according to their agent’s website, is equally at home in “sleazy nightclubs, pizza restaurants, and university lecture halls.” They’re available for private bookings should you feel so inclined.
I know all of this was a lot for you to digest…weather music, spit machines, light activated drum sounds, bath tub alarms, inflatable puppet shows, sleazy nightclubs, etc., but that’s what my Hitchhiker Stations are all about, and you won’t hear about them anywhere else. I love shining a Drum Buddy light on strange stations you never knew existed. Discover more fun and interesting Internet radio stations on my Patreon siteand help support my website blog at the same time. Thanks to my 300+ Patreon members for making this blog possible, and thanks to Quintron and Miss Pussycat for keeping Internet radio interesting.
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“Quintron utilizes a custom-made Hammond organ/Fender Rhodes synthesizer combo which he has had outfitted to resemble the body of a car, complete with working headlights and a Louisiana license plate which reads ‘Quintron’.”
For the last several Decembers, I’ve brought you strange holiday records as part of my “Have A Strange Christmas” series. I thought I’d use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to take a similar look at some unusual vintage romantic records.
Photo from Sundazed Records.
Love Is A Drag (Lace Records: MLA200; Mono; 1962)
I love strange vintage albums, and I love them even more if they’re wrapped in mystery. This album, self-described as “for adult listeners only”, is of a male crooner singing love songs to another man. Yes, you read correctly. Perhaps it wouldn’t be quite so scandalous if it just came out (so to speak), but Love Is A Drag was released more than sixty years ago!
Love Is A Drag wasn’t a comedy or novelty album. Top session musicians were brought in and a professional singer was recruited. The songs, including The Man I Love, Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man, Bewitched, and He’s Funny That Way, were sung with sincerity, not in a campy style. This was a serious jazz record.
The mystery I illuded to is that the male singer remained anonymous for decades, for good reason since it was recorded in 1962 when this kind of content wasn’t generally accepted. The album only stated that the singer was “a most unusual vocalist”. Neither of the men pictured on the cover was the singer. I guess it was the 1960s version of The Masked Singer. The album’s liner notes said of the singer, “…he has broken the barrier which has confronted so many other great singers who, for lack of courage, have not attempted.”
Regarding the album’s title, which was printed in pink letters, the liner notes clarify that the word “Drag” in Love Is A Drag, meant a bore or a headache and was not a reference to a drag queen. Based on the cover photo, I would’ve thought it had to do with taking a drag on a cigarette.
Thanks to an LGBT music historian, J.D. Doyle, the mysterious singer was revealed 50 years later as none other than big band vocalist Gene Howard. Howard was part of Gene Krupa and later, Stan Kenton’s bands and sang with Anita O’Day and June Christie. He was 42 when he recorded Love Is A Drag, was married with two children, and was very much heterosexual. Just sayin’.
Besides being a talented singer, Howard was also a professional photographer and co-founded a studio with his friend, Murray Garrett. I mention this because the back of the album includes a very small credit, “Garrett/Howard, Inc.”, for the artwork. Yes, the undisclosed singer had his last name on the back of the jacket and was at least partly responsible for the photograph on the front.
Edison International Records was behind Love Is A Drag, but the label didn’t want to be associated with a “gay record”, so Lace Records was invented just for this release. By the way, I wouldn’t recommend trying to hunt down the original Lace LP. It will set you back $70 and higher.
Over time, Love Is A Drag developed its own cult following. As the story goes, Frank Sinatra, Liberace, Bob Hope, and Shirley MacLaine were all closeted fans of the album. If you’d like a festive and flamboyant Valentine’s Day, check out Love Is A Drag.
My copy of “MTMYMB” with the super rare “instruction” booklet. Photo by Peter Skiera.
2. Music To Massage Your Mate By (ALA Records: ALA-4002; Stereo; 1976)
If you think this album cover looks like something out of the 1970s, you’re right. It was released in 1976. It’s an all-instrumental album and all six song titles end in “of Love”, such as The Sounds of Love and Doorways of Love.
Music To Massage Your Mate By came with an 8-page “explicitly illustrated instruction booklet” with black & white photos. According to the liner notes, the booklet “is a vehicle for your enjoyment and of course the enjoyment of your partners.” Note the word “partners” is plural. Keep in mind, this is 1976. Some jughead wrote “I guarantee it!!” on my copy of the booklet. I guess he was giving it as a gift and was trying to be funny.
The liner notes continue: All you need do is “go to that particular room in your home- one that is quite comfortable, with low light- and play the album, following the steps in the booklet…and you’re on your way.” On my way to where? Maybe I shouldn’t ask.
The front cover of the album looks like a still from a 70s low budget porn film. The woman looks as uninterested as humanly possible. Her “partner” looks like a cheesy Burt Reynolds stand-in. I wish the price sticker on my copy covered his face. Perhaps the jazzy music on the record will put the two of them in the mood so they can be “on their way”.
My Laff Records copy of “Massage”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Believe it or not, another label called Laff Records licensed the music from ALA Records and released it on their own label also with the booklet. The only difference is the Laff label doesn’t show the 6 song titles, only “Continuous Uninterrupted Music for Massage.” Perhaps it was going to cost too much to print out all the songs on the label.
Apparently, this strange album has its own fan club. One enterprising person is selling t-shirts featuring the album cover on eBay for $30. Why not surprise your mate on Valentine’s Day by playing this record and wearing this shirt? Then you’ll be “on your way”…probably out the door.
Photo from discrepancy-records.com.au
Before I go to my final strange Valentine record, I must mention one other ALA Record called Music to Strip For Your Man By from 1973. If the red headed woman on the cover looks familiar to you, it’s because she’s the same woman on ALA’s Massage cover, but in better condition. What a difference 3 years can make. The record identifies her as “professional stripper Honey West”. Incidentally, the cover photograph was taken by Robert Wotherspoon who also took the photo on the Massage album cover of Honey and the Burt Reynolds reject.
This album also came with its own black and white illustrated booklet…16 pages of stripper instructions and revealing demonstrations by Honey West. Apparently, booklets inside records were a thing.
Like the songs on the Massage record, the music on Music To Strip was also jazzy, but with better song titles reflecting 1973 lingo like Funkie Mama, High Times, Strut Your Stuff, Funk Town, and my personal favorite, Theme For ADirty Ol’ Man.
The liner notes on the back cover are classic 1973: “This package now lets you join the trend toward “THE NOW” way of sensual living…as you bump and grind, he’ll lose his mind…take it off for him…that ain’t no sin.” Not exactly Ernest Hemmingway.
Unlike the Massage album that followed 3 years later, we know what band performed on Music To Strip For Your Man By…it was Teddy Phillips and His Orchestra. Phillips was regionally popular in late 1940s/early 50s Chicago, playing frequently at the Aragon, Trianon, and Willowbrook Ballrooms. In 1956, WGN-TV aired his performances on The Teddy Phillips Show. Perhaps the big band business slowed down in the 1970s to the extent that Ted was forced to resort to recording stripper albums. Whatever it takes to put food on the table.
3. Sonny Lester & His Orchestra– Ann Corio Presents How To Strip For Your Husband (Roulette Records, R 25186; Mono; 1962)
Composer, conductor, and producer Sonny Lester came up with the concept for this 1962 album after being introduced to Ann Corio, a popular East coast stripper during that time and star of the Broadway show, This Was Burlesque. The album’s liner notes described Lester’s music as “brassy and bouncy”, and the record probably appealed to similarly described females. The notes go on to say the record offered women the opportunity to become “in the privacy of your own fancy, and perhaps the enjoyment of your spouse, an ecdysiast” (i.e. a stripper).
Perhaps a sign of the times, unlike the 2 previous records from the 1970s which stated “Mate” and “Man” in their titles, this 1962 album title narrows it down to “husbands” specifically.
Some of the original songs include Seduction ofThe Virgin Princess, Bumps & Grinds, and Lonely Little G-String. The entire album was supposedly recorded in a single session. Oddly enough,a cover of The Stripper, a song that reached #1 the year before,wasn’t included.
Included with the record was- you guessed it- a black and white “special instruction” booklet featuring “America’s most famous strip teaser”, Ann Corio. It detailed stripper tips and was an indispensable guide to making your marriage merrier.
According to spageagepop.com, the album’s sales accelerated after Corio herself was a guest on The Jack Paar Show and promoted the record. A woman shoplifted a copy of the album from a Macys which made headlines, resulting in more sales. In fact, How To Strip For Your Husband sold so well, it was followed up with More How To Strip For Your Husband Vol. 2.
The first volume was later packaged as a box set with another Lester record, How To Belly Dance For Your Husband, which…wait for it…came with its own instruction booklet featuring belly dancer “Little Egypt”.In 1968, the first volume was re-issued again on vinyl and 8-track tape with completely different cover art but included a reprinting of the original booklet. In 2010, both volumes were re-issued on a single CD with the stripper instructions incorporated into the CD booklet. It was re-issued in France in a special edition box as part of a “cheesecake collection”. How To Strip For Your Husband was the stripper album that just wouldn’t die. The real question is- how many men actually “benefited” from it?
I hope my article brought a smile to your face and you have a strange but romantic Valentine’s Day. If you’d like some suggestions for Internet radio stations to play on Valentine’s Day, head on over to my Patreon page. Thanks to my Patreon members for helping to make this website blog possible. You won’t find articles like this anywhere else.
Trivia (from massagestudiospa.com): “The beginnings of ancient massage practice can be traced back to around 3000 BCE in India…The touch therapy used centuries ago in India is one of the earliest findings of a practice similar to the massage therapy we know today.”
Trivia (from wearemarlow.com): Stripping for cash began in “18th century Europe, when gentleman’s clubs, Burlesque clubs, private banquets and other secret sex clubs transformed the political economy of stripping. This was essentially the era that would catalyze the market for stripping/exotic dancing as we know it today.”
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon member today for as little as $1. Thanks to my Patreon supporters for helping to make this blog possible.
The purpose of my Album Spotlight is to bring lesser-known albums to your attention that feature enjoyable music and interesting backstories.
My “Hangin’ Up My Heart” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I’m willing to bet you’ve never heard of Hangin’ Up My Heart, but you surely know the artist…award winning actress Sissy Spacek (not to be confused with the band of the same name). I imagine most of you reading this know Spacek best from Coal Miner’s Daughter for which she won an Academy Award and a Golden Globe. As a horror film buff, my first exposure to Spacek was in the 1976 film Carrie, which ranks right up there with some of the greatest horror films ever made.
Truth be known, I fell in love with her (not her character) in that movie. Although she portrayed a high school student, in reality, Spacek was 25 years old at the time. I thought she was uncommonly beautiful, except toward the end when she was caked in blood. Even in the ho-hum (compared to today’s standards) photo on the front cover of her album, her natural beauty is undeniable.
Have Guitar, Will Travel
Mary Elizabeth Spacek was born on Christmas Day in 1949 in Quitman, Texas. At age 17 she moved to New York with her acoustic guitar, intent on pursuing a career in music. She played various clubs in Greenwich Village and landed a role as an extra in an Andy Warhol film. The music path didn’t pan out so she took up acting with some assistance from her famous cousin, actor Rip Torn. She enrolled in the famous Lee Strasberg Theatrical Institute. A year later her oldest brother, Robbie, died at age 18 from leukemia. Fast forward to 1974 when she married Jack Fisk who she met on the set of her second movie, Badlands. They remain married to this day, making theirs one of the longest lasting marriages in Hollywood. They have two grown daughters, one of whom is also an actress.
Movies Killed the Radio Star
As I mentioned, Spacek originally wanted to be a music star not a movie star. In 1968, at the age of 19, under the name “Rainbo”, Spacek released a single for Roulette Records called John, You Went Too Far This Time. The “John” in the title referred to none other than John Lennon. In the song, which sounds deliberately Beatle-esque, Spacek laments Lennon’s infamous Two Virgins album cover which pictured him completely naked with Yoko Ono:
Now I gaze in awe before that picture My mind retires to the place it was before you came I love the things you showed me up ’til now, John But since that picture, I don’t think my love will be the same
Interestingly, there’s no trace of Spacek’s Texas accent in the song. Side B featured C’Mon, Teach Me to Live, co-written by Spacek. Needless to say, the single failed to chart. She passed an auditioned for Decca Records but they felt she sounded too much like an artist they already had on their label…Loretta Lynn.
It’s funny how things sometimes circle back around. It was Lynn who personally selected Spacek for the starring role in Coal Miner’s Daughter in 1980. Spacek sang nine songs herself rather than lip synch to a professional singer (Loretta Lynn in this case) as is the Hollywood tradition. The original soundtrack album shot to #2 on the Billboard Country chart and earned Spacek a Grammy nomination.
“Hangin’ Up My Heart” on Atlantic Records circa 1983.
#17 At 34
Just a few years later in 1983, at the age of 34, perhaps encouraged by her success with the Coal Miner’s Daughter soundtrack, Spacek went back into the recording studio for Hangin’ Up My Heart (Atlantic 79 01001). With a little help from her friends Vince Gill and Rosanne Cash, producer Rodney Crowell, and Loretta Lynn co-writing one of the songs with Spacek, it’s surprising the record only reached number seventeen on Billboard’s Country chart. The ten-track album produced three singles, with Lonely but Only for You peaking at number fifteen.
Singing Stars
Movie and television stars who aren’t professional singers but release their own albums don’t always produce good results. William Shater, David Hasselhoff, Joe Pesci, and Steven Seagal come to mind. In Spacek’s case, reviews on Amazon of Hangin’ are mostly favorable, averaging 4.4 out of 5 stars, with 79% of the reviews being 4 stars and above. Typical comments include, “The only sad thing about this is that there isn’t enough. I want more. I can’t believe there weren’t some additional tracks that were part of the recording sessions that could have been added to the CD release”, and, “It is so wonderful that this album of genuine quality has been re-released so that it can be enjoyed by many music fans…”
Read Me A Story
Spacek has been on CD before besides Coalminer’s Daughter and Hangin’ Up My Heart, but not musically. She narrated her own autobiography, My Extraordinary Life, she read To Kill A Mockingbird (on 11 CDs!), and, appropriately enough, she narrated Loretta Lynn’s autobiography, Coalminer’s Daughter, and Steven King’s Carrie.
My vintage Technics SL-P999 happily playing “Hangin’ Up My Heart”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Frankly, I’ve never been much of a country music fan. I didn’t feel so bad about that after I read that Spacek said when she was young, neither was she. But Hangin’ isn’t your traditional country music record. It has a distinct contemporary country-pop flair with some rock elements. Not to the point of being over the top, but this isn’t your grandpappy’s country music.
Old Home Town
My personal favorite is a good example. From the very first notes it’s obvious He Don’t Know Me, penned by Spacek, is more pop than country. Had it been me, I would’ve named the album after it. The title track is fine, but He Don’t Know Me is stronger. Lonley But Only for You, one of the tracks released as a single, is a lovely country love song and is another stand out. If You Could Only See Me Now is musical payback for a former lover and you can almost picture Spacek smiling as she sings it.
Not all of the songs on Hangin’ are originals. Spacek covers Hank Williams’ Hony Tonkin’ and David Pomeranz’s sweet Old Home Town. Glen Campbell covered the song the year before, but in Spacek’s version, she sings like an angel in cowboy boots with a southern accent:
I wanta’ hold you, love you forever I wanta’ kiss you up and down Oh, you’re so sweet to come home to You’re just like an old home town
I don’t know if it’s the way the CD was mixed or if the master tape is like this as well (I don’t have the vinyl record to compare against the CD which came out 25 years after the record), but I felt the drums sounded subdued. Perhaps that’s the way country music was expected to be recorded in the early 1980s, but had I been the engineer at the mixing console, I would’ve given the drums more punch and made them leap off the speakers.
I don’t know if it’s the way the CD was mixed or if the master tape is like this as well (I don’t have the vinyl record to compare against the CD which came out 25 years after the record), but I felt the drums sounded subdued. Perhaps that’s the way country music was expected to be recorded in the early 1980s, but had I been the engineer at the mixing console, I would’ve given the drums more punch and made them leap off the speakers.
Sabu Who?
The only other criticism I have is that the CD times out at a stingy 30 minutes, making Hangin’ Up My Heart seem like it’s over before it started. Like one Amazon reviewer commented, it would’ve been nice if they had tacked on a few outtakes, different mixes, or rare tracks like Spacek’s cover of John Prine’s Sabu Visits the Twin Cities Alone, which was the B side of Lonely But Only for You, but wasn’t included on the LP. Oddly, the picture sleeve for the single lists an incorrect song on the B side.
“I thought she was exceptionally beautiful, except toward the end when she was caked in blood.”
With my expectations set extremely low and fingers and toes crossed, four months ago I wrote Mrs. Spacek at her farm in Virginia complementing her on her record and asking her to sign a photo I included along with a postage paid return envelope. Disappointingly, she met my expectations and I never received any response. I hope she at least re-used my envelope so the postage didn’t go to waste.
Hangin’ Up Your Wallet
If you’d like to add the Hangin’ Up My Heart to your own music collection, you’ll have to hang up your wallet after you empty it. The CD, issued by Collectors’ Choice Music (CCM-955) in 2008, starts at around $80 and goes up to $250! I got my near mint copy for a much more reasonable price from a seller in Italy of all places. You’ll be relieved to know you can buy the used cassette tape and vinyl record in nice condition starting at about six bucks on eBay. If you don’t care about physical media, Amazon sells the complete MP3 digital album for under $10.
One And Done
I guess after Hangin’, Spacek thought it was time to hang up the microphone because she never recorded another album after that. That means once you own Hangin’, you’ve completed the entire Spacek collection. That said, in the letter I sent Ms. Spacek, I encouraged her to consider releasing a follow-up album. She turned 74 on Christmas day, but I’ll bet her singing voice is better than ever. And yes, at 74, she’s still a beauty.
Hangin’ quietly and humbly celebrated its 40th Anniversary last year. It holds up exceptionally well four decades later and continues to satisfy. Like her photo on the front cover, the music has an unpretentious beauty about it. In the movie Carrie, Spacek as Carrie White tells her mother, “If I concentrate hard enough, I can make things move.” If you give her the chance, she’ll move you with Hangin’ Up My Heart.
Sissy Spacek is the 22nd great granddaughter of King Edward I.
Directors George Lucas and Brian De Palma were holding joint auditions for “Star Wars” and “Carrie”. Carrie Fisher auditioned for Carrie White and Sissy Spacek auditioned for Princess Leia. They wound up getting each other’s roles.
Thank you to my generous Patreon supporters who help make this website blog possible. You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Help support my blog by becoming a Patreon member today for as little as $1.
The purpose of my Album Spotlights is to bring lesser-known albums to your attention with backstories you’ll find interesting and music you’ll find enjoyable.
A few days ago, it hit me that it’s been a year and a half since my last Album Spotlight. I was way overdue for another, so I’m kicking off the new year with a new Album Spotlight. In fact, I’ll probably post another next month to make up for the long absence.
Before you change channels on me, this is not about the soundtrack to Alien the sci-fi/horror film. That said, I imagine the band Alien is indeed alien to you. If so, you’re forgiven considering the group hails from Gothenburg, Sweden and formed almost 40 years ago. However, their songs aren’t sung in Swedish and their music doesn’t sound Swedish. In fact, if I hadn’t told you Alien was from Sweden and I played this CD for you, you’d swear they were an American hard rock band.
AC/DC & Deep Purple
That makes sense because the lead singer and co-founder, Jim Jidhed, was influenced by AC/DC. The guitarist and other co-founder, Tony Borg, was influenced by Deep Purple and Eric Clapton. They might be Swedish, but they have roots in American rock ‘n roll. They also recorded Alien, their self-titled debut album, in Van Nuys, California, not Sweden.
Frankly, I’ve never been a hard rock kind of a guy. I generally don’t go for records that should come with a free coupon for Tylenol. Yet Alien the album (Virgin 259 198) won’t give you a migraine. In fact, the album produced 3 singles. One of the singles, a cover of Only One Woman, a beautiful ballad written by the Bee Gees, made it to #1 in Sweden.
The Blob
Alien did a great job of turning Only One Woman into a rock power ballad, but my favorite track off of Alien is Brave New Love. I became acquainted with the song thanks to my interest in horror films. I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming. The song was used in the end credits of the 1988 remake of The Blob.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
Throughout Alien, Jidhed’s vocals are forceful while Borg’s guitar is tight and hard rocking. You won’t be able to get through the album without playing air guitar, especially on Feel My Love. Besides Brave New Love and Only One Woman, other standout tracks include Tears Don’t Put Out The Fire,Jaimie Remember, and Touch My Fire. It’s a great listen from start to finish.
Alien from left to right: Drummer Toby Tarrach, lead singer Jim Jidhed, and guitarist Tony Borg. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
Alien has so far released 7 albums altogether though not all under the same personnel. Co-founder and lead singer Jim Jidhed departed the group in 1988 to pursue a solo career. The band carried on with a new lead singer but he left a few years later. The other musicians weren’t much better in the stability department. Jidhead returned as lead singer in 2005, left again, and reunited with band yet again in 2010. He’s still with the band today along with two other original members, Tony Borg on guitar and Toby Tarrach on drums.
“If I hadn’t told you Alien was from Sweden and I played this CD for you, you’d swear they were an American hard rock band.”
The strange USA version of “Alien”.
The composition of the band might be confusing, but that’s nothing compared to the album that’s the subject of this Spotlight. Alien came out in 1988 in Sweden. The following year, the record company remixed 5 songs from the original record, cut out 4 of the 12 songs, and tacked on 2 new songs that were recorded by the new singer who had replaced Jidhad. They also replaced the album artwork with something much stranger, yet retained the album’s original title. This Frankenstein album was the version that was released in the USA and some other countries. But hang on, it gets even better.
The “Alien” 25th Anniversary Edition 2 CD set. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
If you decide to buy Alien, you’ll not only have the choice of the original release from 1988 and the remixed version from 1989, but also a rare 2012 re-issue from Greece of the original album limited to 1,000 copies. Then there’s the 25th Anniversary 2 CD set from 2013 that included both the original and the remixed version. This same set was re-issued on a different label in 2019. Are you still with me? Then, of course, there’s the various vinyl record and cassette iterations.
Depending on which variant and format you’re looking for, prices on eBay start at around $29 and go up from there. The fact that most of the product exists outside the USA doesn’t do anything to help the cost. If you’re into 80s hard rock bands, I think it’s worth the investment. I bought my original Alien CD from a seller in Italy. On the other hand, you can listen to the entire remastered album for free on YouTube (link at the end).
I reached out to the group to ask some questions about Alien the band and the album and received a response from band co-founder and guitarist Tony Borg.
Alien’s Tony Borg. Photo from Alien’s Facebook page.
Peter: What led you to start “Alien” in 1986? Tony: “I had been in many bands with great success in the 1970s and 1980s, but had never started a band myself. My goal before Alien started was to work as a session musician. I got to play with many Swedish but also American artists. When I played with the famous artist Lill-Babs, I understood that it would not be my thing, therefore, I started Alien.”
Peter: Was there anything memorable about the “Alien” recording sessions? Tony: “There absolutely was. What became our first hit song was an instrumental song called Somewhere Out There that Jim and I wrote at 4:00 a.m. after midnight. It was recorded one night in the studio as a filler song and [B side] for Only One Woman but became a big hit in Sweden. Jim and I would often sit at night, drink coffee, have a cigarette and create many of the band’s songs.”
Peter: Why didn’t “Somewhere Out There” make the “Alien” album? Tony: “During that time, bands used to put remix songs on the back so as not to waste good songs on B-sides. We rather wanted to show that we were a real rock band that could write good songs without vocals. That’s why we wrote that song to be a B-side.”
Peter: Why did you decide to record a cover of “Only One Woman”? Were you surprised that it was a hit? Tony: “We collaborated with Anders Hjelmtorp on the record label Virgin. Anders had been an old disc jockey so he had some song suggestions for us. We thought the song was good but when Jim and I changed the time from 6/8 to 2/4 time, the song felt perfect for us.”
Peter: Were you surprised that “Brave New Love” made it into the credits of “The Blob” movie remake? Tony: “How come? Because we recorded the record at ‘Sound City’ in L.A. so we were so close to the film industry and they needed that kind of song right then. It was a chance like it can be when you are in the right place at the right time.”
Peter: What’s your favorite song on “Alien”? Tony: “My favorite song is I´ve Been Waiting. The music has the right suffering and the right expression and the lyrics are true to my story.”
Image from Alien’s Facebook page.
Peter: Is there a story behind the original “Alien” album art? Tony: “I have a friend called Anders Holmberg who had just started painting pictures with cool landscapes so I asked him if he wanted to do our covers. I have our cover for the Swedish album in my possession, but the rest of the paintings have been sold and are probably adorning the walls of some fans’ homes.”
Peter: Why did you release a different version of the album “Alien” for the US including a completely different album cover? Tony: “It was the record company that wanted to adapt the record to the American market. We agreed because we thought it was possible to mix the record even better.” Peter: What do you think of the remastered “Alien” from 2013? Did you have any involvement in that? Tony: “No, this is something that the record companies do without asking the artists. This is what the record industry looks like.”
Peter: How do you think the music on “Alien” holds up 36 years later? Tony: “I think it’s a good record, a bit timeless. I’m proud that the band got to make such a good debut album.”
Image from aliensweden.com/shop/
Alien’s latest recording, Into The Future, saw the band turn into a more heavy metal direction which has met with mixed reviews. Frankly, I don’t know the band’s body of work well enough to categorically state that Alien is their best album, but few bands release such a strong debut record. If you enjoy hard rock, classic rock, melodic rock, metal, album oriented rock (AOR) radio, or classic 80s music, seek out Alien. Despite the album turning 36 years old this year, the music doesn’t sound dated or…alien.
Trivia (from Tony Borg):“When we went to L.A. to record [Alien], we stayed throughout the spring in L.A. What we didn’t know was that every week we climbed all the sales and pop charts, so when we got home to Sweden, we had become a very popular band without our knowing it. We just had time to pack our bags to embark on a tour with 70 gigs booked while doing videos, television and a ton of interviews so it’s been a very hysterical career for the band.”
This is the 5th and final installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a strange Christmas record.
For many, the Christmas season just isn’t the same without an annual viewing of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. In the movie, Clark W. Griswold, played by Chevy Chase, plans to surprise his family by using his Christmas bonus to have a large swimming pool installed in their backyard. Unfortunately, instead of a Christmas bonus, Griswold’s stingy boss gives him a year’s subscription to the Jelly of The Month Club (there really is such a thing). His wife’s Cousin Eddie shows up unexpectedly and takes matters into his own hands as only Cousin Eddie could.
The film was based on a short story called “Christmas ’59,” by John Hughes, which was published in a December 1980 issue of National Lampoon magazine. I won’t spoil it for you if you never saw the film, but it’s a very entertaining holiday movie the whole family will enjoy. Good talk, son.
In December of 1989, Christmas Vacation opened at #2 and quickly became #1 at the box office, grossing over $73 million. Initial reviews were mixed (Roger Ebert only gave it 2 stars) but the movie went on to become a holiday classic. Despite its popularity and the great songs used in the film, an official original motion picture soundtrack was never released. Or was it?
Merry Clarkmas
The music on the Christmas Vacation CD isn’t strange, but the backstory has created a strange mystery worthy of a Columbo episode. A story on the Internet persists that a limited-edition CD of the soundtrack was released in 1999 for the movie’s 10th Anniversary. As the story goes, Warner Brothers Records teamed up with RedDotNet and Six Flags to sell the CD’s via on-demand kiosks at Six Flags Magic Mountain (where “Wally World” was based for the first “Vacation” film) for one week only. The blank CDs were burned one by one as purchased by customers and the booklets and the rear jewel case perforated inserts were assembled by Six Flags employees. Each CD’s back insert was printed with its own individual serial number, up to 20,000. The story goes on to say that 7,000 of the 20,000 CDs were burned and sold to the public. An interesting tale, but is there any truth to it?
A Hot Seller
I’ll begin my examination with those reported Six Flags sales figures: 7,000 CDs sold in 1 week. That averages out to 1,000 CDs burned per day. If my math is correct, that translates into 125 CDs per hour based on an 8-hour day. That’s quite a run for a CD that was just a movie soundtrack, was never advertised, and was only available at one location for one week. Even if you dismiss those figures as unreliable, it’s pretty certain that thousands of unburned CDs were left over. For them to become available years later, someone would have to burn and assemble all of those leftover blank CDs, warehouse them, and then sell them years later.
Another argument against the Six Flags story: Warner Brothers purchased Six Flags in 1993 and sold it in 1998. During the 5 years they owned the Park, Warner never once made the Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD available. Yet a year after they sold Six Flags, Warner licensed the CD to be sold inside the Park which they no longer owned?
Image from rateyourmusic.com/release/comp/various-artists/national-lampoons-vacation-cancelled-passport-edition/
Another Six Flags CD
Not to confuse matters, but I think it’s relevant to point out that the 2003 CD soundtrack of National Lampoon’s Vacation, the first Vacation movie, adopted the exact same story line. Discogs.com notes the CD, called the “Cancelled Passport Edition”, was “manufactured and distributed by RedDotNet in association with Warner Bros. Motion Picture Studios and Six Flags Magic Mountain Theme Park USA. Numbered series of 20,000.” An expired listing on Worthpoint.com added that, “for the last few thousand copies, WB added music from 1985’s ‘European Vacation’ and 1997’s ‘Vegas Vacation’”, neither of which ever made it to CD. Let me make sure I understand this. The kiosks were reprogrammed and the roll of rear artwork was changed out by park employees to add 10 more songs to the track list during the last three or so days the CDs were being sold? Honestly, I find this a little hard to believe. In any event, we now have two CD soundtracks using the same Six Flags cover story.
This raises another issue. If Six Flags had such on-demand CD burning kiosks then one could logically conclude there would be many, many more titles out there that were burned and sold to public. However, I was unable to find a single CD title beyond these two that was born from a Six Flags RedDotNet CD kiosk. Disogs.com lists discographies from other amusement park on-demand kiosks but not Six Flags other than these 2 titles. Surely, Six Flags didn’t install these on-demand CD kiosks for one week each just for two titles and that’s it.
Proof Of Purchase
During the course of my research, out of the 7,000 CDs supposedly burned at Six Flags, or whatever the number is, I was unable to find a single case where someone claimed to have purchased their Christmas Vacation CD from a Six Flags kiosk and could prove it. Without exception, those who said they owned the CD admitted they bought their copy from one website or another, not at Six Flags.
RedDotNet CD kiosks did exit but I was never able to find any information about Six Flags having installed such on-demand kiosks. Yet I had no difficulty finding information about on-demand CD kiosks at Universal and Disney which I’ll address a little later. A New York Times article by Karen Bannan from April of 2000 reported RedDotNet CD kiosks being in Target, Sam Goody, Warehouse Entertainment, and Walt Disney, but no mention whatsoever of Six Flags.
According to billboard.com, in 2004, Warner Music Group inked a deal with Mediaport Entertainment to offer its music via kiosks to be installed in “retail outlets, colleges, military bases and travelers’ waiting areas”. The article made no mention of Warner having previously partnered with RedDotNet at Six Flags.
This Was A Bootleg
There’s clear information on the Internet that goes against the Six Flags story. Web.archive.org lists the CD as a bootleg. An article on yardbarker.com states, “Strangely, in 1999 a purported ‘10th anniversary’ soundtrack started popping up online on various auction sites. The claim was that they had been made to be sold at Six Flags. Ultimately, it proved to be false, as this was a bootleg CD. In fact, one of the songs on the CD was from John Williams’ ‘Home Alone 2: Lost in New York’ score.” There are also comments on the net that say some of the tracks are of inferior sound quality and some of the discs exhibit skipping problems. Incorrect track listings, questionable sound, and playback issues are often telltale signs of a bootleg.
Get A Life
All this begs the question- If the Six Flags story is false and these CDs arebootlegs, why would someone go to all the trouble of making up an elaborate false history about them? What’s the point? Don’t they have anything better to do with their time? Or do they just get off on putting one over on people? In the history of bootleg recordings, I don’t think there’s ever been an instance where someone fabricated a detailed backstory to try to pass off a series of bootleg recordings as legitimate.
One CD that is definitely legitimate is A Hollywood Christmas and it’s the closest you’re going to get to an official Christmas Vacation soundtrack. The CD was released by Time Life Music (24892-D), of all labels, in 2009, and includes Ray Charles’ That Spirit of Christmas which was used in the Christmas Vacation film, as well as Holiday Road by Lindsey Buckingham (which actually wasn’t used in the film). The latter is the only time that song has ever been licensed to another label for inclusion on a CD. But I digress.
For this article, I decided I needed to somehow obtain one of these legendary Six Flags CDs and evaluate it for myself. It turned out I had a much easier time finding copies and obvious bootlegs. One company on Amazon was selling what it described as the Christmas Vacation “official soundtrack” CD starting in 2011, yet the CD didn’t even come in a jewel case or include a booklet. I’d hardly call that “official”.
There was a convincing limited-edition soundtrack CD released down under in 2011 by “MSH Music”. I couldn’t find any information about this Australian record company or any other titles the label released, so I’ve concluded it was a bootleg. Real record companies don’t usually release a single title in a single country limited to 1,000 pressings and then disappear. That’s not what I’d all a successful business model.
My “free” Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Free CDs
I found a company in Florida burning their own “Special Edition” Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. They say it’s one of their best-selling titles. The track list is somewhat similar to that of the Six Flags CD. As the CD was on sale for less than 14 bucks including shipping, I bought one (link provided at the end). Technically, I bought the jewel case and the artwork since the website says, “You’ll receive a jewel case with custom artwork created for the soundtrack. This is what you are purchasing. The audio recordings contained within are always absolutely free of charge…with no claim to their quality, copyright or ownership being implied.” In the words of Monty Python, “Say no more. Know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
Story #2
Incidentally, the above website selling this CD states yet another version of the Christmas Vacation soundtrack story: “A soundtrack for the filmNational Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation was released on LP, cassette and CD in 1989. The soundtrack was out-of-print by the mid 1990’s. Since then, there have been several limited-edition print-on-demand CD issues offered at Universal Studios Theme Parks including 10th and 20th Anniversary editions, both of which are also out-of-print.” Wrong! The soundtrack was never officially released in 1989 in any format. It’s true that Universal had CD burning kiosks starting in 1999 (“The Disc Kiosk”), but the selections drew from their back catalog, and Universal didn’t own the rights to the Christmas Vacation soundtrack. Also, there was never a “20th Anniversary Edition” Christmas Vacation soundtrack. This is enough to make the vision of sugar plums dancing in your head explode.
A CD from a Disney Wonderland Music kiosk. Image from disneycds.com/category/75
Universal wasn’t the only amusement park burning CDs. According to mousetroop.blogspot.com, Disney had their own on-demand CD burning kiosk system called “Disneyland Forever”, limited to old theme park music, announcements, sound effects, and narration culled from its 40+ year history. The customer selected up to 10 songs (at $2 per track!) from the touch screen kiosk they wanted burned on their CD. The machines could even print the customer’s first name on the cover and on the face of the CD. Disney shut down the service in early 2001. There were also “Wonderland Music Experience” kiosks that operated through 2006 and sold complete Disney CD titles.
You’re Getting Warmer
Themusicshopandmore.com sells a Christmas Vacation CD for $27.98 that looks very close to the Six Flags CD and has all the same tracks, but alas, without a serial number. The site openly admits their CDs are unofficial. There has probably been more bootlegging of this soundtrack than of all the alcohol during prohibition. Will the real Six Flags Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD please stand up?
After keeping a very close eye on discogs, an actual Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD became available from a seller in Romania. I got really excited until I saw the price: $227! GM Chrysler! I wouldn’t pay that even if I had the money.
“An interesting tale, but is there any truth to it?”
Too Legit To Quit
I was feeling like I was on a mission: impossible until I finally tracked down a real Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD in a web shop in Germany of all places. The site sells “Griswold Christmas madness”…Christmas Vacation merchandise like Wally World glass moose mugs, Clark Griswold action figures, Griswold drink coasters, and the coveted Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD. Their website states they were able to secure some of these ultra rare discs thanks to their “long history with the film [industry] and contacts in the USA”. The website repeated the Six Flags story adding, “Park employees had the honorable task of producing the CDs at the burning stations…then the employee removed the perforated cover from a long endless roll, packed everything up and wished the lucky owner of the rarity a nice day.”
The site goes on to say that after the leftover Six Flags Christmas Vacation CDs shipped from the US to this German website, German Customs released the CDs to them after Warner Brothers provided a letter stating the CDs were legit. I contacted the site and asked to see a copy of the letter but my request was denied on the basis that the letter was a private internal document.
Going, Going, Gone
I exchanged numerous emails with someone connected to the website who I’ll keep anonymous, peppering them with questions. By the time I decided to purchase the CD, the price had skyrocketed from $36 to over $60 USD (the regular retail price was shown as $109)! That was a lot better than $227, but I still couldn’t bring myself to drop that kind of dough on a CD, especially being financially challenged. Another week or two passed and the website indicated they were sold out. I had to face the hard reality that I blew what might have been my only chance to buy this rare CD without having to spend megabucks.
More time passed and my curiosity forced me to visit the German site again. Miraculously, they somehow found 20 more copies (“the last 20 brand new with extra high collector’s value”). Despite the “extra high value”, the price had actually dropped to $44. This time I bought one, though the purchase process turned into its own wild adventure since the company only shipped to the UK, Germany, and Switzerland. I was able to enlist the help of a relative who lived in Europe who then forwarded the CD to me. What I won’t go through for my blog. Suspiciously, 3 weeks later the site is still selling “the last 20” CDs and for the same price.
An insert sheet which went into a little more detail about the process accompanied my CD. It was in German but here’s a portion I Google translated: “In the park, park visitors were able to use the RedDotNet Music Kiosk System to select titles or entire soundtracks from the music program and have them burned to CD by park employees on the on-site production machines. The cover inlays ran down from large rolls (hence the perforations and simple printing techniques). The CDs produced without silver dye coating (i.e. without an industrial protective layer – hence the CD burning appearance) and the cover inlays were paired with the jewel case – the soundtrack was ready. Every single soundtrack inlay that rolled off the roll had a unique serial number. 00001 to 20000. The finished soundtrack CDs were handed over to the customer unsealed directly at the kiosk system because ‘sealing technology’ was not provided for on the devices.”
The back insert of my “Christmas Vacation” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
By most appearances, my CD fits the Six Flags narrative. My copy has a serial number (5,237), though if 7,000 were sold to the public as the story goes and this CD was “brand new”, I don’t understand how it could have such a low number. The booklet and rear insert appear to be perforated. It’s a CD-R with a bluish tint. The CD label art features 4 small Clark Griswold’s as opposed to a single Clark Griswold. It would seem I had found the Christmas Vacation CD holy grail.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
One glaring omission- The photo in the Christmas Vacation soundtrack listing on discogs, which I consider the website of record when it comes to CDs and LPs, shows a black printed number below the CD’s center hole. My CD has no such number.
Image from facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=662995692695388&set=pb.100069548886165.-2207520000&type=3
The Silence Is Deafening
So, it’s time to revisit the questions I posed at the outset. Is the Six Flags story really true or is it just an urban legend? Is the Warner Brothers National Lampoon’sChristmas Vacation10th Anniversary soundtrack CD legitimate? Always up for a challenge, I donned my detective’s fedora and contacted both Warner Brothers and Six Flags Magic Mountain in an attempt to once and for all confirm or debunk the Six Flags story and CD (I couldn’t contact RedDotNet, not to be confused with RedDot Networks, because they’re out of business). The film division of Warner Brothers referred me to the Warner Brothers Music Group. I sent them a message every week for 13 straight weeks and they ignored every single one of my messages despite an auto reply stating they’d respond “shortly”. I asked for the contact information for a manager so I could report my experience and that message was also ignored.
After finding their email address, I emailed the Press Department of Warner Music Group every week for 10 weeks and they also ignored all of my messages. How the staff of a major US company can blatantly ignore their responsibilities and still keep their jobs is beyond me. If I ignored customer emails when I was with Como Audio I would’ve been let go in pretty short order. In desperation, I sent a snail mail letter to Warner Brothers in CA but that also received zero response. If the Six Flags Christmas Vacation CD is a bootleg, I don’t get why Warner Brothers wouldn’t be more willing to say so.
I had only slightly better success with Six Flags in Los Angeles. Their Guest Services referred me to their Public Relations Department which, after 3 weeks, finally got back to me with, “We unfortunately do not have any information or details to share regarding this matter. We wish you the best of luck with your story.” I realize we’re talking over 24 years ago, but it would seem to me the Park would have some kind of record of this (a press release, photos, a contract with RedDotNet, sales records, etc.). Of course, there would be no record if it never happened.
ThThThTh…That’s All Folks
I’m not one to give up easily, but I’ve raised the white flag (all 6 of them) on this magical musical mystery tour. You’ll have to make up your own mind about the Six Flags story and the Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD. Regardless of which side you come down on, it certainly makes for a strange Christmas.
Trivia (from www.imdb.com/title/tt0097958/trivia/):“After failing to get the Christmas lights to work one last time, Clark Griswold takes his frustration out on the plastic decorations in the front yard. Chevy Chase actually broke his pinky finger while punching Santa Claus. He resorts to kicking and clubbing the decorations after that. The film kept rolling, and the take was used.”
Trivia: In real life, Randy Quid, who played Cousin Eddie in “Christmas Vacation”, is the third cousin of Gene Autry, who recorded several hit Christmas songs.
Classic lines from Christmas Vacation:
Clark to Cousin Eddie: “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?”
Clark to Cousin Eddie: “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”
Clark to a sexy female store clerk: “It’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out…It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter — hotter than they are.”
Art to Clark: “The little lights are not twinkling.”
Clark to his family: “We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a** down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!”
Every word in my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
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Read more about my Christmas Vacation soundtrack CD on Patreon.
My “Christmas In The Stars” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is the fourth installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
Star Wars(A New Hope) was released in theaters in 1977 and quickly became a sensation. It grossed almost $800 million worldwide. Not bad for a low budget film that 20th Century Fox didn’t have much confidence in. Star Wars won six Oscars and went on to spawn 10 more films, making it the third highest grossing film franchise in history.
Crap
In typical capitalist fashion, every imaginable piece of Star Wars crap was licensed in order to cash in on the hyper-drive hysteria…a ceramic C3-PO tape dispenser, Darth Vader shower head, Death Star waffle maker, life-sized R2-D2 aquarium by Hammacher Schlemmer, and believe you me, that’s only scratching the surface. There was even a Star Wars Christmas album!
A Cast of Thousands
Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album (RS0 Records RS-1-3093) record and cassette was released in November of 1980 and featured C-3P0, R2-D2, Chewbacca, and a then unknown Jon Bonjovi in his first commercial recording (his cousin ran the New Jersey recording studio and co-produced the album). Over 70 people (!) were involved in the making of the record and it was one of the first non-classical and jazz albums to be digitally recorded. With all that talent you’d think this would be the most amazing Christmas album ever. It is. Amazingly bad.
Fast Track
The album actually came together at light speed. Several sources cite a Lucasfilm internal memo from September 1980 that outlined the album concept. Just nine 9 days later, actor Anthony Daniels flew in from London to record his vocals as C-3PO and supposedly had only 1 weekend to do it. Talk about fast tracking a project!
The album and its mostly original material scored a minor holiday hit with the single What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?). It reached #69 on the Billboard Hot 100. If you don’t remember the song, best we keep it that way. Strangely, 3 years after the record came out, a second single was released, R2D2’s Sleigh Ride with Christmas in the Stars on Side B. Even more strange, 10 years after the record came out, a 3” “CD single” was released in Japan featuring R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas and Christmas In The Stars.
After CDs were introduced, someone decided the album was important enough to be issued on CD….not once, but twice. The first was the original 1994 CD by Polygram called Meco Christmas In The Stars (Meco previously recorded Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk) with a pathetic generic cover. In 1996, Rhino Records reissued the CD with the original album artwork and new liner notes. It’s said that up to 9 songs from the original recording sessions remain unreleased to this day. Based on the existing material, perhaps it’s just as well.
My “Christmas In The Stars” cassette. Photo by Peter Skiera.
You can buy Christmas In The Stars on the used record market, but be prepared to spend all of your Christmas money from Santa. Discogs has one cassette tape listed for $150 while eBay has one for $2,100! Amazon has the CD for $89 and the vinyl record for $200.
After reading some of the comments left on Amazon, you’d wonder why anyone would pay that kind of money: “Without [a] doubt, the worst Christmas album of all time. Even kids will hate it. Stay far away”, and “To call this album bad would be an understatement. I realize that this is a children’s album, but I can’t imagine that too many children would enjoy this insipid junk. The lyrics are especially awful. When I met Anthony Daniels, he called this album ‘pure crap’. Take it from C-3PO himself, folks.” Just for the heck of it, I contacted Anthony Daniels and asked him to reflect on Christmas In The Stars. He ignored all of my messages. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to talk about it either. He probably has PTSD.
Truly Terrible
You’ll find other negative reviews besides comments on Amazon. Bradley Torreano’s write-up on Allmusic.com doesn’t pull any punches: “Few Christmas albums are as truly terrible as Star Wars: Christmas in the Stars…this could be the worst Star Wars related album on the market. To those who enjoy bad music on a camp level, this album is priceless. Fans of the series should give it a listen just to hear how bad it is, but this is really only recommended for those who enjoy terrible music for its comic value.” Ouch.
I’m afraid I must agree. Instead of Christmas In The Stars, it should’ve been called Crap In The Stars. Hearing C-3P0, a robot with a British accent portrayed by Anthony Daniels who wasn’t a trained singer, croon Christmas songs is just plain bizarre. Take the “duet” of Sleigh Ride he performs with R2D2. Please, take it. Or his butchering of a modified reading of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas. “Bells, Bells, Bells” is another oddity in which C-3PO tries to explain to R2-D2 what bells are…Chiming what the hour is now / Or they’ll lead you to a cow. Huh? Not exactly Lennon and McCartney. Besides that, the highly sophisticated robot R2-D2 doesn’t know what bells are?
With all that talent you’d think this would be the most amazing Christmas album ever.
Mauray Yetson. Photo from mauryyeston.com/about
The lack of depth in the lyrics is surprising considering the songs were written by Yale University music professor Maury Yeston, who went on to win two Tony awards and three Grammy nominations. Yeston also appears on the album as Santa on The Meaning of Christmas, and his voice is multi-tracked to create the “choir”. He briefly addresses his lyrics on his website: “The fun and light tone of [the album] was targeted towards the younger audience (Maury’s own son was then 7) that had fallen in love with Artoo, Threepio and the Droids, and of course the Wookiee.”
Listening to Christmas In The Stars will make you think you have a DVD of a Star Wars Christmas TV special playing but with the picture switched off. Yet the record wasn’t related to the “Star Wars Holiday Special”, a 1978 made-for-TV movie that should’ve been destroyed along with the Death Star.
Photo by Peter Skiera.
Frankly, the most impressive thing about the album is the cover artwork by Star Wars production artist Ralph McQuarrie. It depicts Santa’s workshop of the future, with toys being assembled by robots. I guess all the elves were transferred to another department, or worse, laid off. Santa is pictured warming himself before a fireplace while C-3P0 and R2-D2 look on. It’s not Currier and Ives but it’s nice as far as intergalactic Christmas album covers go.
According to the liner notes from the CD, Christmas In The Stars wasn’t to be the only Star Wars holiday recording. A series of Star Wars Christmas releases were planned but never materialized for whatever reason. RSO Records folded after the first run, which probably didn’t help matters. Whatever the reason, it was nothing less than a Christmas miracle that we were spared from further abuse.
Speaking of strange Christmas music, the Star Wars CD booklet promotes other classic Rhino Records Christmas albums you’ll surely want to add to your holiday music collection like The Flintstones: Christmas In Bedrock and Have Yourself A Looney Tunes Christmas. As the latter release exclaims, “Christmas tunes like you’ve never heard them before…”, and probably never wanted to.
There’s no doubt that Star Wars was an incredible sci-fi film. Christmas In The Stars is a different story. It’s an album for the ages. Ages 5 to 10. It was ground breaking, as in dig a hole in the ground and bury it. The best part of the album is when it ends. It has to be one of the worst Christmas records ever. If you buy this album, may the remorse be with you.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
Trivia (from www.starwars.com/news/10-things-about-christmas-in-the-stars):“Yoda was supposed to make an appearance [on “Christmas In The Stars”]. Frank Oz, the actor and puppeteer who helped launch Yoda to fame in “The Empire Strikes Back”, was approached to reprise the voice of the Jedi Master for the album’s ‘Meaning of Christmas’ track. Oz couldn’t participate due to scheduling conflicts, so the album eventually settled on Santa’s son, ‘S. Claus’, to fill the role (with revised dialog).”
Thank you to my wonderful Patreon members who help make this blog possible. Join over 300 other music enthusiasts and help support these in-depth articles you won’t find anywhere else.
Return here next week for the final installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series.
My Max Headroom 45 RPM single. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is the third installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
Max Headroom was a “computer generated”, stuttering announcer who invaded our culture and our TV screens in late 1980s. In reality, Headroom wasn’t a computer creation at all. He was Canadian actor Matt Frewer heavily caked in makeup and latex prosthetics, wearing a shiny fiberglass suit, with strange looking contact lenses in his eyes (when he wasn’t wearing his fashionable Ray-Bans, that is). You never saw him below his elbows. For all anyone knew, he wasn’t wearing pants. A green screen behind him featured colorful Amiga computer graphics.
Matt Frewer in the makeup chair. The photo is signed to me by Humphreys. Photo by John Humphreys and Peter Litten.
I Want My Max TV
Like Frewer, Max Headroom wasn’t “born” in the USA. He was imagined by British director Rocky Morton who wanted an MTV-like VJ to host a British music video show, but something created by a computer. That wasn’t practical in the mid-1980s, so it was decided that an actor would be made-up to look like a computerized character. UK designers John Humphreys and Peter Litten created the custom makeup effects and the suit. The process to transform Frewer into Max Headroom took just over 4 hours from start to finish.
The Headroom character got his first big break across the pond in a UK movie for television. From there, he hosted a British music video and interview show that became very popular. It wasn’t long until Hollywood- the ABC network specifically- took notice and developed a television series in 1987 geared at the American market called…wait for it…Max Headroom.
Max Headroom and Matt Frewer. Photo licensed from alamy.com
Mad Max
The weekly science fiction adventure TV show starred Frewer as reporter Edison Carter (as well as Max Headroom, a computerized version of Carter), Amanda Pays (who was also in the UK TV movie) as his coworker, and Jeffrey Tambor as their producer. The show was set “20 minutes into the future” when TV networks ruled the world. Sound familiar? Frewer’s character was a sort of Mike Wallace of the future, exposing the greed and corruption of the networks. Carter also investigated “blipverts”- intense TV commercials lasting 3 seconds that literally caused some viewers’ heads to explode. Sound familiar?
Taking Max to lunch.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em…
Capitalizing on his popularity, Headroom appeared in TV and print adverts endorsing the New Coke (you can guess how that went), and there were all kinds of Max Headroom branded paraphernalia like a finger puppet, notebook, lunch box, wrist watch, trading cards, sleeping bag, skate board, and even a book titled Max Headroom’s Guide to Life. That’s interesting considering his character combated greed in the TV show.
Newsweek from April 1987.
Maxed Out
Max reached his max in mid-1988, having his plug pulled in mid-second season after just 14 total episodes, not even being allowed the respect of a final episode. TV viewers at the time were much more interested in Miami Vice and Dallas than a wisecracking CGI guy. Ironically, Lorimar, the company that produced Max Headroom, also produced Dallas. At least the show managed to pick up 3 Primetime Emmy Awards before it took its love away.
The promotional single for radio stations had the same song on both A & B sides and didn’t include “Gimme Shades”, a semi-country tune, as the sleeve stated. Photo by Peter Skiera.
A Huge Colostomy
Early on in his career, Headroom gave the world a little musical Christmas gift. Merry Christmas Santa Clause (Chrysalis VS4 44000) was released in 1986 on the heels of The Max Headroom Christmas Special, a US television special that was as successful as a 5-year-old cooking a Christmas turkey by himself. The song is a musical homage to the calorically challenged guy in the red suit who, in Headroom’s opinion, is greatly underappreciated for all he does. The most memorable lyric from the song is, “He bestrides the world like a huge colostomy.” They just don’t write them like they used to.
“You never saw Headroom below his elbows. For all anyone knew, he wasn’t wearing pants.”
Screenshot from youtube.com/watch?v=_GGgWwVlnI8
Terrifying
Headroom was a television star, and although his videos look primitive today, during his short 1986-88 lifespan, they came across as the cutting edge of computer animation, even though they weren’t computer animation. The music video of Merry Christmas Santa Claus features a tube color television set propped up on a bench in front of a shiny white grand piano. The Southwark Cathedral Choir surrounded Headroom as snow, as artificial as Max himself, fell on them. Some of the candid comments from the 23,000 views on YouTube include, “This terrified me when I was a kid”, “This is scary as hell”, “This is terrifying”, and my personal favorite, “Max Headroom f***ing creeps me out!”
Keith Stracham. Photo from strachan.org/biog-pics.html
Donning my detective’s fedora, I tracked down Keith Stracham who produced Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re A Lovely Guy) and asked for any memories he had. “[Merry Christmas Santa Claus] was recorded at CTS studios in Wembley”, Stracham recalled in an email to me. “I have a memory that Matt Frewer wanted to do it as himself rather than having his voice treated so as to be Max Headroom but that was never going to happen. It was the only time I worked on Max Headroom and Matt was very easy to work with. I remember that I asked Guy Barker to play piccolo trumpet on the track. Guy went on to be a famous jazz trumpeter running his own orchestra.”
My radio station copy of Max Headroom’s Christmas single. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lest you think this was Stracham’s sole contribution to music, he’s a renowned TV and theater director, producer, arranger, and composer. He composed the theme music to the popular TV game show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, which was heard many more times over than Merry Christmas Santa Claus. He also wrote Mistletoe and Wine which became a #1 hit in the UK for Cliff Richard.
Merry ChristMax
Alas, Merry Christmas Santa Claus never made the music charts and Headroom disappeared about as quickly as he appeared. Out of curiosity, I went on Chrysalis Record’s website, the record company that released the song, and input “Max Headroom” into the search bar. There were no results. That speaks volumes. Headroom is as memorable today as the 8-bit Commodore 64 computer that was around during the same time period.
Max Reboot
That said, Wikipedia and other sites like syfy.com report that the AMC Network is working on a new Max Headroom TV series presumably for next year. I contacted AMC several times to confirm. After several weeks of silence, my query was escalated to management, but in the end, no one ever responded. I reached out to AMC’s PR Department but they also failed to respond. I queried the company that owns the rights to the Max Headroom character but they also didn’t answer my question. If a new Max Headroom series is indeed in the works, none of the stakeholders seem very interested in promoting it.
Some would say Frewer’s computerized alter ego was ahead of its time. Others would say it was a very strange creation. Headroom’s lone Christmas song is much more the latter than the former. Have a strange C-C-C-C-Christmas, Max, in whatever universe you reside.
Return here next week for the next installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series!
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Please help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon supporter today for just $1 or make a donation of any amount via PayPal. Licensing images to be able to legally use them in my article, for example, costs $50 per photo.
Patreon members can read my exclusive interview with makeup designer John Humphreys and see more behind the scenes Max Headroom photos.
Trivia:Max Headroom’s name came from the last thing Frewer’s TV character saw just before a motorcycle accident that put him in a coma. It was a sign above a parking garage that read “MAX. HEADROOM: 2.3 M”.
Trivia (from Wikipedia): “On the night of November 22, 1987, the television signals of two stations in Chicago, Illinois, were hijacked, briefly sending a pirate broadcast of an unidentified person wearing a Max Headroom mask and costume to thousands of home viewers…A criminal investigation conducted by the Federal Communications Commission in the immediate aftermath of the intrusion could not find the people responsible, and despite many unofficial inquiries and much speculation over the ensuing decades, the culprits have yet to be positively identified.”
Trivia: “Paranoimia” was a song by pop group Art Of Noise that featured the voice of Max Headroom. The single reached #14 on “Billboard’s” Dance chart in 1986.
This is the second installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
My rare, out-of-print “Waffle House Jukebox Favorites CD”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Just about everyone has heard of Waffle House if not eaten at one, or passed their iconic school bus-colored signs. What a lot of people don’t know is that they used to regularly record Waffle House related songs and include them in the jukeboxes in their restaurants for their patrons to enjoy while chowing down. Some of those songs include There Are Raisins in My Toast, 844,739 Ways to Eat a Hamburger, Waffle Do Wop, and I’m Going Back to The Waffle House. These were not short commercial jingles but full length, professionally recorded songs. Originally, the songs were shipped to the establishments on 45 RPM records under the Waffle Records label to be loaded into the jukeboxes alongside regular music. Jukeboxes are still in each restaurant today but they’ve all gone digital. The records weren’t sold to the public, but in 1999, the chain released their first CD, Waffle House Jukebox Favorites Volume 1, which collected many of these musical culinary classics. The 10 track CD has been out of print for over 20 years, but you can download the complete digital album from Bandcamp.com for a mere $1,000!
Waffle Records
845,000 ways to eat a hamburger.
Believe it or not, there’s an actual Waffle Records and they recognize the top Waffle songs played in their restaurants’ jukeboxes with their annual “Waffle House Tunies”. This year’s winner will be announced on their Instagram page in mid-December.
According to Kelly Thrasher Bruner from WH’s Marketing and Communications Department, there are no new Waffle House recordings planned but they hope to be soliciting new songs soon. Their jukeboxes getting updated with new songs via the Internet.
Bacon Spirits Bright
In 2001, Waffle House released a Christmas CD called It’s A Waffle House Christmas. Jerry Buckner and Gary Garcia, best known for their 1982 hit Pac Man Fever, Waffle-ized numerous Christmas songs for this 16-track title. There are several tracks credited to “The Waffle House Carolers”, whoever they are, but that’s just the syrup on the waffles. Some of the other songs include a Frankie Valley-like version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town performed by “The Four Seasonings”, a humorous Elvis inspired ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas reading, and Heading Home For The Holidays done in distinct Dolly Parton style by Mary Welch Rogers, the wife of one of Waffle House’s co-founders. Rogers also lends her vocal talents to Heading Home for The Holidays.
Rogers didn’t get to sing just because, at the time, she was the wife of one of the co-founders, although that didn’t hurt. She’s a professional singer who recorded songs with 20th Century Fox Records in the late 1970’s, plus, she was the one who came up with the Waffle House song idea in the first place back in 1984. I emailed Rogers, now 73, asking her about It’s A Waffle House Christmas, but she declined to comment beyond, “I enjoyed recording and writing some of the WH songs”.
Mistletoe And Maple Syrup
Without a doubt, the standout track on the CD is The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas: “At the Waffle House on Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 different omelets, 5 pork chops grilled, 4 eggs a frying, 3 sausage patties, 2 waffles baking, and a bowl of delicious, hot grits.” I figured I’d spare you the lethal caloric intake from the last 6 dishes. Five of the songs are repeated at the end in instrumental form for Christmas karaoke purposes. Apparently, karaoke is a thing for some families on Christmas day. Mercifully, that was never a tradition I was exposed to.
Christmas, The Waffle House Way
These Christmas songs are finger lickin’ good.
If you’re of a certain age then you know big name companies releasing Christmas albums was hardly unusual back in the day. Goodyear, JC Penny, A & P Supermarkets, BF Goodrich, Avon, True Value, Firestone, and even KFC put out their own Christmas records every year and they were very popular. Those albums, however, were compilations of standard holiday hits. In the case of It’s A Waffle House Christmas, some of the songs were originals and most of those that weren’t had their lyrics “modified” to promote the brand. As to why Waffle House would put out their own Christmas CD in the first place, they explain on the CD’s rear insert: “At Waffle House, the holidays are always a favorite time for good cheer and happiness. This year we decided to capture that same spirit in a special CD collection of holiday songs, all served up with fun and tradition the Waffle House way.”
Waffle Heads
My “It’s A Waffle House Christmas” CD signed by Jerry Buckner. Phpt by Peter Skiera.
Like the Jukebox Favorites CD, It’s a Waffle House Christmas was only sold on the chain’s website and is hard to come by. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I spent many, many (many) months scouring eBay to score my original copy. I finally ended up buying one from Jerry Buckner himself, the guy who wrote or co-wrote many of the WH songs. He even signed the cover for me.
If you need your Waffle House Christmas fix and can’t find the CD, don’t fret. You can listen to the entire album for free on YouTube (link provided at the end of my article) like 2,200 other Waffle Heads (I just made that name up) have. Some of the comments people left on YouTube about the Waffle House Christmas CD include, “If your party’s not this lit, don’t bother inviting me”, and “could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
The House That Waffles Built
Photo from https://www.facebook.com/WaffleHouse/photos
Waffle House started in 1955, 68 years ago, in Avondale Estates, Georgia by two neighbors who wanted a 24-hour, 7 days a week, sit down restaurant, with an emphasis on treating customers like family. It’s now in 25 (mostly mid-west and southern) states with almost 2,000 restaurants, employing over 40,000 people. As their website states, “Waffle House was founded on the principals of providing the friendliest service in town…” Co-founder Joe Rogers, a former short order cook himself, said, “We aren’t in the food business. We’re in the people business.” Incidentally, he named his restaurant “Waffle House” because the waffles were the most popular item on the menu. Waffle House says their restaurants collectively serve over 300,000 waffles every day. Now that’s a lot of waffles.
Waffle House as a company bought back the very first Waffle House restaurant at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia which changed hands back in 1973. The two founders, Joe Rogers and Tom Forkner, had built the original property for $14,000 but the company hasn’t disclosed what it paid to buy back the building which had been a Chinese restaurant for the previous 20 years. In 2008 it was restored to its original 1955 stainless steel glory and turned into a museum.
The small section of the eatery has been outfitted with a period counter, 13 stools, cooking equipment, lighting, condiments, wood paneling, and even plates and mugs. There’s also a small memorabilia room featuring old menus, uniforms, hats, t-shirts, and lots of slogan buttons. For the perfect photo souvenir, there’s an opportunity to stick your head into holes of life size cut outs of vintage servers. And yes, there’s a working jukebox so you can play your favorite Waffle House song. If you’re thinking of visiting it’s by appointment only and you can’t eat there, but admission is free.
“Could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
Image courtesy of Waffle House.
Christmas is a special time to spend with family and friends, to exchange gifts, to hope for peace in the world, and to play strange holiday music. If you think It’s A Waffle House Christmas is odd, come back here every week for the next 3 weeks and be amazed at even stranger holiday recordings. Have A Strange Christmas.
Trivia:When the first Waffle House opened in 1955, per their menu, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 10 cents, hashbrowns cost 20 cents, waffles were 40 cents each as were eggs, 0.65 for a cheese omelet, a hamburger cost 30 cents, filet mignon was a whopping $1.50, and slice of fresh pie set you back 20 cents.
Trivia: Waffle House claims there are 1.5 million possible hashbrown combinations including cheese, onions, and sausage gravy.
Trivia (from WaffleHouse.com): “In 2015, Waffle House proudly served its billionth waffle.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“The founders of the Waffle House brand died in 2017 within less than two months of each other: Joe Rogers Sr. died on March 3 and Tom Forkner on April 26.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“In the 1960s, S. Truett Cathy, the owner of a local diner called the Dwarf House, contracted with Waffle House to sell his proprietary chicken sandwich, the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich. However, the Chick-fil-A sandwich quickly overtook Waffle House’s own items in sales and Waffle House ended the deal, prompting Cathy to spin off Chick-fil-A into its own chain.”
Trivia: August 24th is National Waffle Day.
Trivia: In 2018, legendary country music star Bill Anderson released the single, “Waffle House Christmas”, after having spent a Thanksgiving at a Waffle House.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. ‘This the season for giving. Please help support my website blog. Become a Patreon supporter today for just $1.
Jerry Buckner wrote or co-wrote many of the Waffle House songs including The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas and scored a hit with Pac-Man Fever. Read my 10 Q&As with Buckner only on Patreonalong with more interesting details about Waffle House.
My “Christmas In The Heart” CD and Christmas cards. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is my third-year presenting “Have A Strange Christmas”, where I take a deep dive into strange Christmas records. This holiday, I decided to do something a little different. Rather than cram 5 albums into one very lengthy article, I’ll be posting one strange Christmas record each week starting this week through and including the last week of December. I kick off my series with none other than Bob Dylan.
I recall reading a story about John Lennon playing a Bob Dylan record for Paul McCartney. I think it was around the time The Beatles were recording their Rubber Soul album. McCartney said he didn’t like Dylan’s voice, to which Lennon responded, “Listen to the words, man.” Dylan’s unquestionably a very gifted songwriter, but I’ve never been able to completely get past his whining, gravelly voice. His Christmas album is no exception. Yes, Bob Dylan recorded a Christmas album.
Deep Throat
Dylan’s voice is about as far afield from Bing Crosby and Perry Como as it can get, but that didn’t stop him from belting out an entire album’s worth of Christmas songs in October of 2009. Besides his voice sounding like it’s been roasting on an open fire, Robert Allen Zimmerman was born and raised Jewish, although he later converted to Christianity and changed his name. Dylan said everyone can relate to Christmas music regardless of religion. I agree with him on that score, although I find it difficult to relate to most of the songs on Christmas In The Heart (Columbia 88697 57323 1).
Perhaps if Dylan had used his God-given songwriting talent to write some brilliant Christmas songs of his own for this album, that might have rescued it. After all, we’re talking about the winner of the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature. Instead, what we have here are 15 Christmas classic covers in two nostril, throat-sonic sound. So much so, I think it should’ve been called “Christmas In The Throat”.
The three wise men escaping the “Christmas In The Heart” release party.
Kleenex Says Bless You
Diving into the songs on Christmas In The Heart, sixteen seconds into the first song, Here Comes Santa Claus, it sounds like Dylan’s voice cracks. Other than that, the song is actually pretty good, as is Winter Wonderland. I’d also put Little Drummer Boy in the same category. Must Be Santa is a hoot and is the unquestionable standout track. The rest of the songs on the album, however, are enough to reduce the baby Jesus to tears.
My blurry pics of Bob Dylan on stage and my original ticket stub from 1996. Photos by Peter Skiera.
Dark And Blurry
To those Dylan devotees who feel I’m being too hard on him, I liked him when he was a Traveling Wilbury, and I’ve already acknowledged that I think Dylan is a songwriting genius. Which is why, 27 years ago, I went to see him perform live in Portland, ME. I sneaked in my Minolta 35mm SLR camera and managed to get some snaps from the mezzanine. Dylan was wearing a very unusual shiny silver jacket that looked like it had a million tiny mirrors sewn on it. “Recording devices” weren’t allowed but I had no idea cameras fell into that category. Security staff were going through the audience literally ripping the film out of people’s cameras (this was before there were digital cameras and smartphones). That’s why my photos came out dark and blurry because I was clicking quickly while trying my best to conceal my camera. I also had the flash turned off so it didn’t give me away.
My opinion of Heart must be in the minority because the record opened at #1 on the Billboard Holiday chart, reached #5 on the Folk chart, made it to #10 on the Rock chart, and peaked at #23 on the overall album chart. It would seem music lovers across the board loved this record.
Laughing All the Way
Indeed, on Amazon, 82% of the reviews are 4 stars or above. Yet I found comments that were more along the lines of what I was thinking: “…it’s almost painful to listen to him try to sing. This may be the worst Christmas album I’ve ever heard”; “You have to LOVE Dylan and/or have a fantastic sense of humor”; “It’s like sticking a large bore needle into your ear into your brain”; “Awful. Sounds like my cat in heat…”; “A strange take on many classic songs and it reminds me of being at a Christmas party where everyone has had a few and someone brings out a guitar.”
The hype sticker on the front of my Christmas In The Heart CD mentioning Feeding America. Photo by Peter Skiera.
The Season of Giving
In light of its success, Dylan must have made a bundle off of this album, right? Wrong. Not that he needed the money, mind you. To his great credit, all proceeds went to charity. In the US, Feeding America benefited, while in the UK it was Crisis, with the rest going to the World Food Programme. Strange as it may be, Christmas In The Heart fed a lot of hungry people in the world.
Stocking stuffer: Mrs. Claus is looking pretty good for her age. Illustration by Olivia De Berardinis.
All I Want For Christmas Is You
One thing I do love about Christmas In The Heart is its visual presentation. The front cover artwork of a horse driven sleigh taken from an antique print reminds me of Christmas albums gone by. Inside the CD booklet is a great color illustration of Bettie Page as a sexy Mrs. Claus. If Mrs. Claus looked like that in reality, Santa wouldn’t dare leave her alone with the elves for 5 seconds, never mind all night long. The deluxe CD edition also came with 5 blank Christmas cards that reproduced the album cover art. Bravo.
The creativity didn’t stop with the album. Must Be Santa was released as a 45 RPM single. The promotional copy was issued on red colored vinyl and came packaged in a cardboard sleeve with vintage graphics and a label that made it look like an old 78 RPM record. Bravo again. Incidentally, Must Be Santa was backed with Dylan’s reading of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas which wasn’t included on the LP or CD. It’s the most uninspired reading I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I think it should’ve been called ‘Christmas In The Throat.’”
“Must Be Santa” screenshot from youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus
The Ten Worst
A 2013 Rolling Stone readers’ poll named Must Be Santa one of Dylan’s 10 worst songs. I beg to differ. Granted, it isn’t his best effort, but it’s a fresh, fun polka take on an old Christmas classic that you don’t hear very often. The only thing better than the song is the video which depicts a Christmas Eve party we’d all love to have been invited to. In the video, Dylan meanders through the house singing while wearing different hats. He winds up outside on the porch with the big guy himself. It’s been viewed over 7 million times.
Amazon’s brand new red colored vinyl edition of “Christmas In The Heart”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Back In Stock
If you missed this album when it came out and want a copy to play so you can clear out the stragglers at your Christmas party, you’re in luck. The CD is easily found on eBay and reasonably priced. Prefer vinyl? You’re in luck again. The record was just re-issued last month for the album’s 14th Anniversary. Why wait one more year for 15? Amazon put out their own exclusive red colored vinyl edition. Don’t bother trying to track down the original 2009 record (which came bundled with the CD) unless you’re okay with spending over a hundred dollars.
After the album came out, some music reviewers in the press suggested Christmas In The Heart was an intentional parody of vintage Christmas albums. Dylan responded by saying those reviewers didn’t have a clue about him or his music. Christmas In The Heart isn’t a parody, but it is strange.
Trivia:Dylan produced “Christmas In The Heart” himself but used the pseudonym “Jack Frost”.
Trivia (from krcgtv.com/features/beyond-the-trivia/beyond-the-trivia-best-selling-christmas-artist): “The artist who’s sold the most Christmas albums is Elvis Presley and his 1957 album, ‘Elvis’ Christmas Album’, is the best-selling Christmas album of all time. It contains Elvis’s iconic version of ‘Blue Christmas’. So far, it’s sold some 20-million copies. Kenny G is second on the list at seven million albums, followed by Nat ‘King’ Cole and Mannheim Steamroller.”
Return here next week for the next installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Please help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon supporter today for only $1 or make a donation of any amount via PayPal.
Robert J. Lurtsema as Santa Claus. Photograph by Kurt Stier.
If you listened to public radio in New England in the 1970s and 80s, even into the 1990s, chances are you remember the name Robert J. Lurtsema. Lurtsema hosted and produced a very popular 5-hour morning drive classical music program, Morning Pro Musica, for nearly 29 years. The radio show emanated from WGBH, a 100,000 watt FM public radio station in Boston. For a time, his show was also simulcast on WGBH-TV.
Lurtsema wasn’t just a well-known Boston area radio personality. Morning Pro Musica was carried by numerous public radio stations throughout New England, and for a time, over many NPR affiliate stations throughout the US via satellite. At its height, the program had a half million listeners. The Christian Science Monitor called Lurtsema “the world’s greatest alarm clock”.
Even if his name doesn’t ring a bell, you’ve probably heard Lurtsema’s distinctive voice. He voiced the opening to Public Television’s Mystery! (Produced by WGBH-TV), narrated many public TV documentaries, narrated an episode of the PBS TV series Nova, and can be heard on several records.
No Personality
I only knew Lurtsema as the host of Morning Pro Musica, but he had a profound influence on me as an undergraduate studying radio at Emerson College. My voice wasn’t anything like his but I adopted his speaking style. To say it was laid back would be an understatement. Thus, I earned a reputation at my college’s non-commercial radio station for being incredibly boring on the air. I wanted to work in public radio so it didn’t concern me that I wasn’t as exciting as Howard Stern. Unfortunately, I was never able to break into public radio, though I did score interviews with the two biggest public radio stations in Boston; WGBH and WBUR. WGBH actually called me to do some fill-in announcing but I was recuperating from eye surgery at the time and was reluctantly forced to decline. They never called again. Like a single beautiful woman, you only get one chance with public radio. I ended up working in commercial radio so I was forced to develop a personality. But I digress.
Getting To Know You
Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
As I got to know Lurtsema better through my research, it turns out he lived quite a life. He served in the US Navy for 5 years and held all manner of jobs before finding his calling as a classical music radio host. He was awarded a lifetime scholarship to the New England Conservatory of Music. My research also revealed he was passionate about environmental causes, nuclear disarmament, medical research, and civil rights. He sat on dozens of boards for music organizations throughout New England and was the artistic director for 5 years for the “Brown Bags for Kids” series at Worcester’s Mechanics Hall. He narrated two children’s records…The Story of Babar and Peter and The Wolf. He performed live narrations with orchestras. He authored 2 books, was a sculptor, painter, photographer, and composer (his bassoon quartet composition was adapted as the theme music for the PBS-TV program “Julia Child and Company”).
Ambassador Lurtsema
During his radio years he became an unofficial US ambassador as it were, having received formal invitations from the governments of France, Germany, Scotland, Greece, Canada, Israel, Finland, and the Netherlands. The latter country hosted him as one of 40 distinguished guests of Dutch heritage (the Dutch spelling of his last name is Luurtsema).
Warm Fudge
Back in late 80s, I had my clock radio set to wake to Morning Pro Musica even though I wasn’t a classical music buff. “Start your day with Robert J”, as the slogan went. Lurtsema began every show with a recording of bird songs…a recording he made himself. The bird songs would play without interruption, often for as long as 5 minutes, and then slowly mix with his opening classical piece. What a wonderful way to wake up! He had a calming voice which the New York Times likened to “warm fudge”. His pauses were so long you could drive a Mack truck through them. He was a welcomed alternative to screaming morning DJs in hysterics over nothing, playing music that was equally meaningless. In a promo for Morning Pro Musica, one listener described Lurtsema’s program as “sanity in a world soon to become insane. It’s an opportunity to take that last deep breath before you get on the fast track.”
Have A Taste
On the flip side of the record so to speak, not everyone held Lurtsema in such high esteem. Many were annoyed by his notoriously infinite pauses. Some considered Lurtsema narcissistic. Classical snobs didn’t like the selections he played or the way he framed them. Still others felt Lurtsema was just plain boring. He was an acquired taste, but for myself and hundreds of thousands of other listeners, it was a taste that lingered pleasantly on the palette.
News Break
The music Lurtsema played (he spent hours meticulously planning each program months in advance) and his on-air personality (or lack thereof) wasn’t all he was known for. He also insisted on writing and reporting his own newscasts during his show, something none of the other music hosts could get away with. He always opened his news segments with, “Here’s a look at some of the items in the news as edited and reported by your ‘Morning Pro Musica’ host.” The morning after the 1980 presidential election in which Ronald Regan defeated Jimmy Carter, Lurtsema announced, “there is no news worth reporting this morning”, and proceeded with his show. WGBH tried to replace his news with live hourly NPR news reports from Washington, D.C. and California. According to one telling of the story, Lurtsema threatened to quit and the radio station backed down, while another story said listener protests were so overwhelming that the station was forced to restore Lurtsema’s own newscasts.
Live From Tanglewood
From 1995 onward, during the Boston Symphony Orchestra’s opening weekends of their summer seasons, Lurtsema broadcasted live from Tanglewood, a music venue in Lenox, MA, and the home of the BSO since 1937. During this period, Morning Pro Musica featured live performances and interviews with John Williams, Seiji Ozawa, and Arlo Guthrie just to name a few. Other notable guests on his program included Aaron Copland, Isaac Stern, John Cage, and Itzhak Perlman. In the radio industry, or at least in the public radio realm, Morning Pro Musica became the gold standard for classical music programs.
Tell Me A Story
My rare original “Christmas Stories” CD on the Philo Records label. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema hosted special Christmas editions of his morning show featuring Christmas stories he narrated himself. Over the years, his listeners wrote in asking for copies of his moving readings. In 1981, he answered their requests with his first and only solo record…Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories, which celebrates its 42nd anniversary this year.
Best Pauses
In case you couldn’t tell, the cherubic faced man in the Santa Claus suit on the cover of Christmas Stories is indeed Mr. Lurtsema. The image, with his obscured smile, gives us a glimpse into his playful side. According to Wikipedia, “Lurtsema displayed a subtle sense of humor. On April Fool’s Day 1982, he stood in for the singing birds with his own deadpan chirping, and on April Fools’ Day 1992, the birds were replaced by howling wolves. Aware of his reputation for long pauses, on another April Fools’ Day, Lurtsema presented selections of his ‘best pauses.’ One morning, he devoted his full five hours to playing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ in all of the variations that he could find.”
Lurtsema vs. Shatner
Christmas Stories’ backside. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Like Morning Pro Musica and Lurtsema himself, Christmas Stories is unusual and at the same time remarkable. Besides the fact that it was put out by a radio announcer, this Christmas album doesn’t include a single Christmas song and Lurtsema doesn’t sing any songs, which would’ve proved interesting in itself. I envision him doing a spoken holiday song a la William Shatner. If you’re looking for sing-a-long with Robert, this isn’t it. Rather, it’s a showcase for Lurtsema’s voice and unique delivery, both of which were well suited for the subject matter.
Perfect 5 Star Rating
Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories enjoys a rare 5 out 5-star rating on Amazon. Some of the comments from the reviews include, “an amazing set of Christmas stories (and history) told by one of the best voices of our time. A must have for the holidays and Christmas Eve. I am not religious and I find these moving and in the true spirit of the season.” Another person wrote, “this collection of Christmas stories is carefully chosen and beautifully delivered. The recording quality is exceptional. A wonderful album!” Still another opined, “for beauty of language and soul of reading, this is a great addition to any library of Christmas recordings. Highly recommended!”
Despite such high praise, Christmas Stories didn’t exactly go platinum. I have a memory of seeing multiple copies of this record embarrassingly collecting dust in discount record bins. Its appeal would’ve been very limited. Lurtsema was popular, but he wasn’t Frank Sinatra. Besides, the album was distributed by a very small record label, Philo Records, which catered to folk, jazz, and world music, and operated out of a converted barn in Vermont.
CD Or Not CD, That Is the Question
In spite of or perhaps because of its limited appeal, there’s decent inventory of Christmas Stories on the used record market such as eBay and for reasonable prices. Alas, the coveted CD is more expensive and much harder to come by, which is odd since it was distributed by Rounder Records which had much wider distribution. I ended up finding one on Amazon of all places! The Amazon listing shows “CD-R”. To me, that meant the seller was selling copies, which is against US Copyright law. I went ahead and purchased one anyway and was extremely surprised to receive an original CD, not a copy, and it even included the original Rounder Records mail-in postcard. As of this writing, the listing is still on Amazon but there are no more CDs available. I contacted the seller about this and they apologized and said their inventory constantly changes.
If you’re not into physical media as I am, Amazon sells the MP3 download of the album for under $10. If you’re entertaining the idea of buying Christmas Stories, I’d suggest getting the digital download, CD, cassette tape, or a sealed or mint copy of the vinyl record so the crackles and pops don’t compete with the star of the show. I’ve included links at the end of my article. Unfortunately, there are no liner notes by Lurtsema or any background information about his readings, and the CD doesn’t include any bonus tracks.
The Bird Is the Word
Earlier I mentioned recordings of happy chirping birds that Lurtsema used to open each show with. If you’ll allow one of my trademark digressions, WGBH radio released a record and cassette of those recordings in 1984, entitled Dawn Chorus: The Birds of Morning Pro Musica, which can also be sourced on used music sites. Lurtsema isn’t heard on this recording, just his birds.
My “Man Who Planted Trees” CD and my very rare “Voices of The Loon” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema On Record
There are other Lurtsema related records you might find of interest, such as the Paul Winter Consort’s The Man Who Planted Trees from 1995, beautifully narrated by Lurtsema, and Voices ofThe Loon from 1980.
My “Wassail! Wassail!” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
There are 2 additional Christmas titles I’ll briefly bring to your attention if you’ll indulge me, though they’re not Lurtsema records per se. Wassail! Wassail! from 1995 features a mix of early American Christmas music and narration. Of the 21 tracks, 4 are narrated by Lurtsema, including a powerful reading of The Angels and The Shepherds. Though long out of print, this CD is available on used record sites.
The overlooked “The Christmas Revels” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I donned my detective’s fedora and after some extensive digging, discovered The Christmas Revels: In Celebration of The Winter Solstice. It includes just 1 reading by Lurtsema which is why it flew under my radar. The track I speak of, The Shortest Day, is a poem written by Susan Cooper. It times out at less than 90 seconds, but it’s 90 seconds of full throttle Lurtsema. You can easily find this CD used, and possibly the original gatefold vinyl album as well, but amazingly, I found this 43-year-old title being sold new on CD by none other than The Christmas Revels themselves (link at the end of this article).
David Lurtsema, Robert’s brother.Photo by David Lurtsema.
Since I was already wearing my detective’s fedora, I decided to track down David Lurtsema, Robert Lurtsema’s only brother. I’ve become quite the detective since I started my own blog and after some searching on the Internet and a few phone calls, I was able to connect with him. David’s 81 and still working, yet he managed to carve out some time for a late night (very late night!) phone conversation.
Peter: What did you think of Robert’s radio program, Morning Pro Musica?
David: “Um, I really didn’t hear that much of on the air for him. As far as radio is concerned, I went to his studio a couple times, but that was about it. And listening to his program…not very much because I [couldn’t] get it [where I lived].”
A page from the program of the Celebration of Life of Robert Lurtsema. Document courtesy of Emmanuel Church.
Peter: Can you give me one interesting or humorous story about your brother?
David: “When he passed away, they had a big celebration of life at [an] Episcopalian church somewhere in Boston; a big church. [Editor’s note: It was Emmanual Episcopal Church in Boston]. There were like 5,000 people there and they asked me to get up and speak. What the hell am I going to say? So, I figured I’d say what he said and I told a story that he had told me that’s true as far as I know. My brother was in demolitions in the Navy. The captain called him in and said, ‘Robert, you’ve been recommended for E4’, because he was an enlisted man. He was a 3rd class petty officer for three times and [he never took the test]. [The captain said,] ‘I want you to promise me you’ll take the test and you’ll study hard.’ Well, if he took the test and passed it, he knew that he would be extended because doing demolition work, they needed these guys. He said, ‘Okay, captain, I’ll take the test and I’ll study hard.’ So, he did and the captain called him in again and he said, ‘Robert, you’re the only man in the history of the Navy to get 100%…Wrong!’ I got up in front of 5,000 people to tell that story. It got a couple of laughs.”
Paying my respects. Photo by Mary.
Peter: I was in Rhode Island visiting relatives a couple of months ago and I went to visit Robert’s grave in Canton, MA, where his ashes are interred.
David: “I’m so glad you’re telling me. I know where it is now. Great. That’s where he was supposed to go but I never got the word what happened with that. All I got with the word was, was that Betsy [Robert’s girlfriend] was bitch moaning and complaining that he didn’t have some great, ah, thing built for him, and I think the thing about the family was, well [chuckling], why don’t you take some of the money and give it to him yourself?”
Peter: Since I’m writing about Robert’s “Christmas Stories” record, what was Christmas like as a child in the Lurtesma household?
David: “Well, I don’t have a lot of recollection of it because there was 10 years between us. So, in other words, when [Robert] was old enough to go in the navy, I was what, 6, 8 [years old], somewhere in there. So, I remember how the Christmas’ were for me but to remember him there, it wasn’t very often
Peter: But did you decorate and have a tree?
David: “We did. We decorated to the hilt. The tree [had] many lights and many ornaments. A lot of presents.”
Peter: Any other stories you’d like to mention about your brother?
David: “Another thing you may not know about him, as long as I’ve got it in my head…I don’t talk to anybody about this much, so I’ve got to bring it out of the memory. He was a child prodigy. His IQ was up like 160 or something. Off the charts. He graduated high school with 2 double promotions…he had 2 [college] degrees in 4 years…a degree in public relations and communications and, ah, I can’t remember what the other one was. It’s been too long now.
“He did children’s stories in Phoenix with a collaboration with some people there. He did, ah, what else? I can’t think right now.”
Peter: He wrote a couple of books.
David: “Yes. He wrote a book on music. I have the book. It’s basically written for musicians because most people wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was in there.”
David (left) with his brother, Robert, on Cape Cod. Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
Peter: I only knew Robert as a listener of his show. What was he like as a person?
David: “When I got out of the Navy, I lived with him for a month or so. We both loved a lot of the same things but his lifestyle was more erratic than…erratic is probably the wrong word. I should say looser than I wanted to live. He liked to go to nudist colonies. That’s fine, but too much of anything is not good.
“I remember his apartment in, ah, oh, I can’t remember the name of the town.”
Peter: Cambridge?
David: “Yes. Thank you. He had an apartment in Cambridge. His bed was suspended by 4 cables coming out of the 4 corners of the ceiling and the cables were attached to springs to hold the thing together and the mattress on top of that. So, the bed was suspended off the floor. That was quite the thing. He was very innovative.
“I went to a psychic a few years after he died [to get] in touch with him. We had a lot of conversations back and forth and it was all taped…and the psychic is getting a kick out of his personality because he [had] a very unusual sense of humor. She caught that right away as soon as she started talking. She’d never met him. It was very revealing. The things I wanted to say to him about how I wished we had spent more time together and how he regretted not doing it because he didn’t really know who I was until later. A lot of good things happened from that. I was so glad that I had done it.”
In terms of Lurtsema’s gifted story telling on Christmas Stories, his brother says that stemmed from their father. “My father was a storyteller. He was a carpenter. He would come home in the evening and have dinner with us; my two sisters, my brother and I, and he would always tell stories about the day. He would talk about Mrs. McGillicuddy or Mrs. Schwartz, or whatever, with an accent that was theirs so you knew what nationality they were. It was kind of play acting but it was very entertaining for us. And of course, all that rubs off on everybody.”
“As far as his storytelling and so on”, David continued, “I have those records you’re talking about. There’s The Man Who Planted Trees. If you haven’t heard that it’s excellent. And Christmas Stories and so on. I went to a lot of performances when I was…in Boston…one where [Robert] was doing imitations, voice overs, I guess it was for Peter and what was it…”
Peter: “Peter and The Wolf”.
David: “’Peter and The Wolf’. Thank you. It’s late here. Later for you though.”
David said something at one point in our conversation that I wanted to end with because it had an important message for all of us: “He was somebody I loved greatly and admired, but we just didn’t spend enough time together and we were both very sorry about that.”
As with his radio program, Robert J. LurtsemaChristmas Stories is a refreshing break from the usual onslaught of holiday chestnuts we subject ourselves to on an annual basis. It requires one to slow down or even to stop and contemplate the reason for the season. Anyone could’ve recorded these stories, but not in Lurtsema’s inimitable way. As much as I enjoy listening to this wonderful album, I can’t help but feel sad knowing there will never be another show like his or another host like him. If he were still alive today, he’d be 92, and if his health allowed, I’m certain he’d still be playing those singing birds every morning. Two-plus decades after his passing, I still miss waking to his voice. He truly was the world’s greatest alarm clock. I don’t know what the voice of God sounds like, but I can only hope it sounds a lot like Robert Lurtsema’s, prolonged pauses and all.
My eternal thanks to David Lurtsema for sharing his memories, memorabilia, and photographs.
Trivia:RobertLurtsema was originally hired to host ‘Morning Pro Musica’ only on weekends. Not long after, he was promoted to the coveted weekday morning drive slot when the seat became available, yet he still continued to do his weekend shows, working 7 days a week for the next 22 years. In 1993, ‘Morning Pro Musica’ went back to weekends only, which Lurtsema hosted until his death. On June 12, 2000, at age 68, he died from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a rare illness of the respiratory system.
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