This is the second installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series where I highlight a different strange Christmas record every week through the end of December.
My rare, out-of-print “Waffle House Jukebox Favorites CD”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Just about everyone has heard of Waffle House if not eaten at one, or passed their iconic school bus-colored signs. What a lot of people don’t know is that they used to regularly record Waffle House related songs and include them in the jukeboxes in their restaurants for their patrons to enjoy while chowing down. Some of those songs include There Are Raisins in My Toast, 844,739 Ways to Eat a Hamburger, Waffle Do Wop, and I’m Going Back to The Waffle House. These were not short commercial jingles but full length, professionally recorded songs. Originally, the songs were shipped to the establishments on 45 RPM records under the Waffle Records label to be loaded into the jukeboxes alongside regular music. Jukeboxes are still in each restaurant today but they’ve all gone digital. The records weren’t sold to the public, but in 1999, the chain released their first CD, Waffle House Jukebox Favorites Volume 1, which collected many of these musical culinary classics. The 10 track CD has been out of print for over 20 years, but you can download the complete digital album from Bandcamp.com for a mere $1,000!
Waffle Records
845,000 ways to eat a hamburger.
Believe it or not, there’s an actual Waffle Records and they recognize the top Waffle songs played in their restaurants’ jukeboxes with their annual “Waffle House Tunies”. This year’s winner will be announced on their Instagram page in mid-December.
According to Kelly Thrasher Bruner from WH’s Marketing and Communications Department, there are no new Waffle House recordings planned but they hope to be soliciting new songs soon. Their jukeboxes getting updated with new songs via the Internet.
Bacon Spirits Bright
In 2001, Waffle House released a Christmas CD called It’s A Waffle House Christmas. Jerry Buckner and Gary Garcia, best known for their 1982 hit Pac Man Fever, Waffle-ized numerous Christmas songs for this 16-track title. There are several tracks credited to “The Waffle House Carolers”, whoever they are, but that’s just the syrup on the waffles. Some of the other songs include a Frankie Valley-like version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town performed by “The Four Seasonings”, a humorous Elvis inspired ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas reading, and Heading Home For The Holidays done in distinct Dolly Parton style by Mary Welch Rogers, the wife of one of Waffle House’s co-founders. Rogers also lends her vocal talents to Heading Home for The Holidays.
Rogers didn’t get to sing just because, at the time, she was the wife of one of the co-founders, although that didn’t hurt. She’s a professional singer who recorded songs with 20th Century Fox Records in the late 1970’s, plus, she was the one who came up with the Waffle House song idea in the first place back in 1984. I emailed Rogers, now 73, asking her about It’s A Waffle House Christmas, but she declined to comment beyond, “I enjoyed recording and writing some of the WH songs”.
Mistletoe And Maple Syrup
Without a doubt, the standout track on the CD is The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas: “At the Waffle House on Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 different omelets, 5 pork chops grilled, 4 eggs a frying, 3 sausage patties, 2 waffles baking, and a bowl of delicious, hot grits.” I figured I’d spare you the lethal caloric intake from the last 6 dishes. Five of the songs are repeated at the end in instrumental form for Christmas karaoke purposes. Apparently, karaoke is a thing for some families on Christmas day. Mercifully, that was never a tradition I was exposed to.
Christmas, The Waffle House Way
These Christmas songs are finger lickin’ good.
If you’re of a certain age then you know big name companies releasing Christmas albums was hardly unusual back in the day. Goodyear, JC Penny, A & P Supermarkets, BF Goodrich, Avon, True Value, Firestone, and even KFC put out their own Christmas records every year and they were very popular. Those albums, however, were compilations of standard holiday hits. In the case of It’s A Waffle House Christmas, some of the songs were originals and most of those that weren’t had their lyrics “modified” to promote the brand. As to why Waffle House would put out their own Christmas CD in the first place, they explain on the CD’s rear insert: “At Waffle House, the holidays are always a favorite time for good cheer and happiness. This year we decided to capture that same spirit in a special CD collection of holiday songs, all served up with fun and tradition the Waffle House way.”
Waffle Heads
My “It’s A Waffle House Christmas” CD signed by Jerry Buckner. Phpt by Peter Skiera.
Like the Jukebox Favorites CD, It’s a Waffle House Christmas was only sold on the chain’s website and is hard to come by. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I spent many, many (many) months scouring eBay to score my original copy. I finally ended up buying one from Jerry Buckner himself, the guy who wrote or co-wrote many of the WH songs. He even signed the cover for me.
If you need your Waffle House Christmas fix and can’t find the CD, don’t fret. You can listen to the entire album for free on YouTube (link provided at the end of my article) like 2,200 other Waffle Heads (I just made that name up) have. Some of the comments people left on YouTube about the Waffle House Christmas CD include, “If your party’s not this lit, don’t bother inviting me”, and “could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
The House That Waffles Built
Photo from https://www.facebook.com/WaffleHouse/photos
Waffle House started in 1955, 68 years ago, in Avondale Estates, Georgia by two neighbors who wanted a 24-hour, 7 days a week, sit down restaurant, with an emphasis on treating customers like family. It’s now in 25 (mostly mid-west and southern) states with almost 2,000 restaurants, employing over 40,000 people. As their website states, “Waffle House was founded on the principals of providing the friendliest service in town…” Co-founder Joe Rogers, a former short order cook himself, said, “We aren’t in the food business. We’re in the people business.” Incidentally, he named his restaurant “Waffle House” because the waffles were the most popular item on the menu. Waffle House says their restaurants collectively serve over 300,000 waffles every day. Now that’s a lot of waffles.
Waffle House as a company bought back the very first Waffle House restaurant at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia which changed hands back in 1973. The two founders, Joe Rogers and Tom Forkner, had built the original property for $14,000 but the company hasn’t disclosed what it paid to buy back the building which had been a Chinese restaurant for the previous 20 years. In 2008 it was restored to its original 1955 stainless steel glory and turned into a museum.
The small section of the eatery has been outfitted with a period counter, 13 stools, cooking equipment, lighting, condiments, wood paneling, and even plates and mugs. There’s also a small memorabilia room featuring old menus, uniforms, hats, t-shirts, and lots of slogan buttons. For the perfect photo souvenir, there’s an opportunity to stick your head into holes of life size cut outs of vintage servers. And yes, there’s a working jukebox so you can play your favorite Waffle House song. If you’re thinking of visiting it’s by appointment only and you can’t eat there, but admission is free.
“Could this be the worst Christmas album ever?”
Image courtesy of Waffle House.
Christmas is a special time to spend with family and friends, to exchange gifts, to hope for peace in the world, and to play strange holiday music. If you think It’s A Waffle House Christmas is odd, come back here every week for the next 3 weeks and be amazed at even stranger holiday recordings. Have A Strange Christmas.
Trivia:When the first Waffle House opened in 1955, per their menu, a bottle of Coca-Cola cost 10 cents, hashbrowns cost 20 cents, waffles were 40 cents each as were eggs, 0.65 for a cheese omelet, a hamburger cost 30 cents, filet mignon was a whopping $1.50, and slice of fresh pie set you back 20 cents.
Trivia: Waffle House claims there are 1.5 million possible hashbrown combinations including cheese, onions, and sausage gravy.
Trivia (from WaffleHouse.com): “In 2015, Waffle House proudly served its billionth waffle.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“The founders of the Waffle House brand died in 2017 within less than two months of each other: Joe Rogers Sr. died on March 3 and Tom Forkner on April 26.”
Trivia (from Wikipedia):“In the 1960s, S. Truett Cathy, the owner of a local diner called the Dwarf House, contracted with Waffle House to sell his proprietary chicken sandwich, the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich. However, the Chick-fil-A sandwich quickly overtook Waffle House’s own items in sales and Waffle House ended the deal, prompting Cathy to spin off Chick-fil-A into its own chain.”
Trivia: August 24th is National Waffle Day.
Trivia: In 2018, legendary country music star Bill Anderson released the single, “Waffle House Christmas”, after having spent a Thanksgiving at a Waffle House.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. ‘This the season for giving. Please help support my website blog. Become a Patreon supporter today for just $1.
Jerry Buckner wrote or co-wrote many of the Waffle House songs including The Waffle House 12 Days of Christmas and scored a hit with Pac-Man Fever. Read my 10 Q&As with Buckner only on Patreonalong with more interesting details about Waffle House.
My “Christmas In The Heart” CD and Christmas cards. Photo by Peter Skiera.
This is my third-year presenting “Have A Strange Christmas”, where I take a deep dive into strange Christmas records. This holiday, I decided to do something a little different. Rather than cram 5 albums into one very lengthy article, I’ll be posting one strange Christmas record each week starting this week through and including the last week of December. I kick off my series with none other than Bob Dylan.
I recall reading a story about John Lennon playing a Bob Dylan record for Paul McCartney. I think it was around the time The Beatles were recording their Rubber Soul album. McCartney said he didn’t like Dylan’s voice, to which Lennon responded, “Listen to the words, man.” Dylan’s unquestionably a very gifted songwriter, but I’ve never been able to completely get past his whining, gravelly voice. His Christmas album is no exception. Yes, Bob Dylan recorded a Christmas album.
Deep Throat
Dylan’s voice is about as far afield from Bing Crosby and Perry Como as it can get, but that didn’t stop him from belting out an entire album’s worth of Christmas songs in October of 2009. Besides his voice sounding like it’s been roasting on an open fire, Robert Allen Zimmerman was born and raised Jewish, although he later converted to Christianity and changed his name. Dylan said everyone can relate to Christmas music regardless of religion. I agree with him on that score, although I find it difficult to relate to most of the songs on Christmas In The Heart (Columbia 88697 57323 1).
Perhaps if Dylan had used his God-given songwriting talent to write some brilliant Christmas songs of his own for this album, that might have rescued it. After all, we’re talking about the winner of the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature. Instead, what we have here are 15 Christmas classic covers in two nostril, throat-sonic sound. So much so, I think it should’ve been called “Christmas In The Throat”.
The three wise men escaping the “Christmas In The Heart” release party.
Kleenex Says Bless You
Diving into the songs on Christmas In The Heart, sixteen seconds into the first song, Here Comes Santa Claus, it sounds like Dylan’s voice cracks. Other than that, the song is actually pretty good, as is Winter Wonderland. I’d also put Little Drummer Boy in the same category. Must Be Santa is a hoot and is the unquestionable standout track. The rest of the songs on the album, however, are enough to reduce the baby Jesus to tears.
My blurry pics of Bob Dylan on stage and my original ticket stub from 1996. Photos by Peter Skiera.
Dark And Blurry
To those Dylan devotees who feel I’m being too hard on him, I liked him when he was a Traveling Wilbury, and I’ve already acknowledged that I think Dylan is a songwriting genius. Which is why, 27 years ago, I went to see him perform live in Portland, ME. I sneaked in my Minolta 35mm SLR camera and managed to get some snaps from the mezzanine. Dylan was wearing a very unusual shiny silver jacket that looked like it had a million tiny mirrors sewn on it. “Recording devices” weren’t allowed but I had no idea cameras fell into that category. Security staff were going through the audience literally ripping the film out of people’s cameras (this was before there were digital cameras and smartphones). That’s why my photos came out dark and blurry because I was clicking quickly while trying my best to conceal my camera. I also had the flash turned off so it didn’t give me away.
My opinion of Heart must be in the minority because the record opened at #1 on the Billboard Holiday chart, reached #5 on the Folk chart, made it to #10 on the Rock chart, and peaked at #23 on the overall album chart. It would seem music lovers across the board loved this record.
Laughing All the Way
Indeed, on Amazon, 82% of the reviews are 4 stars or above. Yet I found comments that were more along the lines of what I was thinking: “…it’s almost painful to listen to him try to sing. This may be the worst Christmas album I’ve ever heard”; “You have to LOVE Dylan and/or have a fantastic sense of humor”; “It’s like sticking a large bore needle into your ear into your brain”; “Awful. Sounds like my cat in heat…”; “A strange take on many classic songs and it reminds me of being at a Christmas party where everyone has had a few and someone brings out a guitar.”
The hype sticker on the front of my Christmas In The Heart CD mentioning Feeding America. Photo by Peter Skiera.
The Season of Giving
In light of its success, Dylan must have made a bundle off of this album, right? Wrong. Not that he needed the money, mind you. To his great credit, all proceeds went to charity. In the US, Feeding America benefited, while in the UK it was Crisis, with the rest going to the World Food Programme. Strange as it may be, Christmas In The Heart fed a lot of hungry people in the world.
Stocking stuffer: Mrs. Claus is looking pretty good for her age. Illustration by Olivia De Berardinis.
All I Want For Christmas Is You
One thing I do love about Christmas In The Heart is its visual presentation. The front cover artwork of a horse driven sleigh taken from an antique print reminds me of Christmas albums gone by. Inside the CD booklet is a great color illustration of Bettie Page as a sexy Mrs. Claus. If Mrs. Claus looked like that in reality, Santa wouldn’t dare leave her alone with the elves for 5 seconds, never mind all night long. The deluxe CD edition also came with 5 blank Christmas cards that reproduced the album cover art. Bravo.
The creativity didn’t stop with the album. Must Be Santa was released as a 45 RPM single. The promotional copy was issued on red colored vinyl and came packaged in a cardboard sleeve with vintage graphics and a label that made it look like an old 78 RPM record. Bravo again. Incidentally, Must Be Santa was backed with Dylan’s reading of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas which wasn’t included on the LP or CD. It’s the most uninspired reading I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I think it should’ve been called ‘Christmas In The Throat.’”
“Must Be Santa” screenshot from youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus
The Ten Worst
A 2013 Rolling Stone readers’ poll named Must Be Santa one of Dylan’s 10 worst songs. I beg to differ. Granted, it isn’t his best effort, but it’s a fresh, fun polka take on an old Christmas classic that you don’t hear very often. The only thing better than the song is the video which depicts a Christmas Eve party we’d all love to have been invited to. In the video, Dylan meanders through the house singing while wearing different hats. He winds up outside on the porch with the big guy himself. It’s been viewed over 7 million times.
Amazon’s brand new red colored vinyl edition of “Christmas In The Heart”. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Back In Stock
If you missed this album when it came out and want a copy to play so you can clear out the stragglers at your Christmas party, you’re in luck. The CD is easily found on eBay and reasonably priced. Prefer vinyl? You’re in luck again. The record was just re-issued last month for the album’s 14th Anniversary. Why wait one more year for 15? Amazon put out their own exclusive red colored vinyl edition. Don’t bother trying to track down the original 2009 record (which came bundled with the CD) unless you’re okay with spending over a hundred dollars.
After the album came out, some music reviewers in the press suggested Christmas In The Heart was an intentional parody of vintage Christmas albums. Dylan responded by saying those reviewers didn’t have a clue about him or his music. Christmas In The Heart isn’t a parody, but it is strange.
Trivia:Dylan produced “Christmas In The Heart” himself but used the pseudonym “Jack Frost”.
Trivia (from krcgtv.com/features/beyond-the-trivia/beyond-the-trivia-best-selling-christmas-artist): “The artist who’s sold the most Christmas albums is Elvis Presley and his 1957 album, ‘Elvis’ Christmas Album’, is the best-selling Christmas album of all time. It contains Elvis’s iconic version of ‘Blue Christmas’. So far, it’s sold some 20-million copies. Kenny G is second on the list at seven million albums, followed by Nat ‘King’ Cole and Mannheim Steamroller.”
Return here next week for the next installment in my “Have A Strange Christmas” series.
Every word in every one of my articles is 100% written by me. I never use ChatGPT or any AI technology. Ever.
You won’t find articles like this anywhere else. Please help support my website blog by becoming a Patreon supporter today for only $1 or make a donation of any amount via PayPal.
Robert J. Lurtsema as Santa Claus. Photograph by Kurt Stier.
If you listened to public radio in New England in the 1970s and 80s, even into the 1990s, chances are you remember the name Robert J. Lurtsema. Lurtsema hosted and produced a very popular 5-hour morning drive classical music program, Morning Pro Musica, for nearly 29 years. The radio show emanated from WGBH, a 100,000 watt FM public radio station in Boston. For a time, his show was also simulcast on WGBH-TV.
Lurtsema wasn’t just a well-known Boston area radio personality. Morning Pro Musica was carried by numerous public radio stations throughout New England, and for a time, over many NPR affiliate stations throughout the US via satellite. At its height, the program had a half million listeners. The Christian Science Monitor called Lurtsema “the world’s greatest alarm clock”.
Even if his name doesn’t ring a bell, you’ve probably heard Lurtsema’s distinctive voice. He voiced the opening to Public Television’s Mystery! (Produced by WGBH-TV), narrated many public TV documentaries, narrated an episode of the PBS TV series Nova, and can be heard on several records.
No Personality
I only knew Lurtsema as the host of Morning Pro Musica, but he had a profound influence on me as an undergraduate studying radio at Emerson College. My voice wasn’t anything like his but I adopted his speaking style. To say it was laid back would be an understatement. Thus, I earned a reputation at my college’s non-commercial radio station for being incredibly boring on the air. I wanted to work in public radio so it didn’t concern me that I wasn’t as exciting as Howard Stern. Unfortunately, I was never able to break into public radio, though I did score interviews with the two biggest public radio stations in Boston; WGBH and WBUR. WGBH actually called me to do some fill-in announcing but I was recuperating from eye surgery at the time and was reluctantly forced to decline. They never called again. Like a single beautiful woman, you only get one chance with public radio. I ended up working in commercial radio so I was forced to develop a personality. But I digress.
Getting To Know You
Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
As I got to know Lurtsema better through my research, it turns out he lived quite a life. He served in the US Navy for 5 years and held all manner of jobs before finding his calling as a classical music radio host. He was awarded a lifetime scholarship to the New England Conservatory of Music. My research also revealed he was passionate about environmental causes, nuclear disarmament, medical research, and civil rights. He sat on dozens of boards for music organizations throughout New England and was the artistic director for 5 years for the “Brown Bags for Kids” series at Worcester’s Mechanics Hall. He narrated two children’s records…The Story of Babar and Peter and The Wolf. He performed live narrations with orchestras. He authored 2 books, was a sculptor, painter, photographer, and composer (his bassoon quartet composition was adapted as the theme music for the PBS-TV program “Julia Child and Company”).
Ambassador Lurtsema
During his radio years he became an unofficial US ambassador as it were, having received formal invitations from the governments of France, Germany, Scotland, Greece, Canada, Israel, Finland, and the Netherlands. The latter country hosted him as one of 40 distinguished guests of Dutch heritage (the Dutch spelling of his last name is Luurtsema).
Warm Fudge
Back in late 80s, I had my clock radio set to wake to Morning Pro Musica even though I wasn’t a classical music buff. “Start your day with Robert J”, as the slogan went. Lurtsema began every show with a recording of bird songs…a recording he made himself. The bird songs would play without interruption, often for as long as 5 minutes, and then slowly mix with his opening classical piece. What a wonderful way to wake up! He had a calming voice which the New York Times likened to “warm fudge”. His pauses were so long you could drive a Mack truck through them. He was a welcomed alternative to screaming morning DJs in hysterics over nothing, playing music that was equally meaningless. In a promo for Morning Pro Musica, one listener described Lurtsema’s program as “sanity in a world soon to become insane. It’s an opportunity to take that last deep breath before you get on the fast track.”
Have A Taste
On the flip side of the record so to speak, not everyone held Lurtsema in such high esteem. Many were annoyed by his notoriously infinite pauses. Some considered Lurtsema narcissistic. Classical snobs didn’t like the selections he played or the way he framed them. Still others felt Lurtsema was just plain boring. He was an acquired taste, but for myself and hundreds of thousands of other listeners, it was a taste that lingered pleasantly on the palette.
News Break
The music Lurtsema played (he spent hours meticulously planning each program months in advance) and his on-air personality (or lack thereof) wasn’t all he was known for. He also insisted on writing and reporting his own newscasts during his show, something none of the other music hosts could get away with. He always opened his news segments with, “Here’s a look at some of the items in the news as edited and reported by your ‘Morning Pro Musica’ host.” The morning after the 1980 presidential election in which Ronald Regan defeated Jimmy Carter, Lurtsema announced, “there is no news worth reporting this morning”, and proceeded with his show. WGBH tried to replace his news with live hourly NPR news reports from Washington, D.C. and California. According to one telling of the story, Lurtsema threatened to quit and the radio station backed down, while another story said listener protests were so overwhelming that the station was forced to restore Lurtsema’s own newscasts.
Live From Tanglewood
From 1995 onward, during the Boston Symphony Orchestra’s opening weekends of their summer seasons, Lurtsema broadcasted live from Tanglewood, a music venue in Lenox, MA, and the home of the BSO since 1937. During this period, Morning Pro Musica featured live performances and interviews with John Williams, Seiji Ozawa, and Arlo Guthrie just to name a few. Other notable guests on his program included Aaron Copland, Isaac Stern, John Cage, and Itzhak Perlman. In the radio industry, or at least in the public radio realm, Morning Pro Musica became the gold standard for classical music programs.
Tell Me A Story
My rare original “Christmas Stories” CD on the Philo Records label. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema hosted special Christmas editions of his morning show featuring Christmas stories he narrated himself. Over the years, his listeners wrote in asking for copies of his moving readings. In 1981, he answered their requests with his first and only solo record…Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories, which celebrates its 42nd anniversary this year.
Best Pauses
In case you couldn’t tell, the cherubic faced man in the Santa Claus suit on the cover of Christmas Stories is indeed Mr. Lurtsema. The image, with his obscured smile, gives us a glimpse into his playful side. According to Wikipedia, “Lurtsema displayed a subtle sense of humor. On April Fool’s Day 1982, he stood in for the singing birds with his own deadpan chirping, and on April Fools’ Day 1992, the birds were replaced by howling wolves. Aware of his reputation for long pauses, on another April Fools’ Day, Lurtsema presented selections of his ‘best pauses.’ One morning, he devoted his full five hours to playing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ in all of the variations that he could find.”
Lurtsema vs. Shatner
Christmas Stories’ backside. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Like Morning Pro Musica and Lurtsema himself, Christmas Stories is unusual and at the same time remarkable. Besides the fact that it was put out by a radio announcer, this Christmas album doesn’t include a single Christmas song and Lurtsema doesn’t sing any songs, which would’ve proved interesting in itself. I envision him doing a spoken holiday song a la William Shatner. If you’re looking for sing-a-long with Robert, this isn’t it. Rather, it’s a showcase for Lurtsema’s voice and unique delivery, both of which were well suited for the subject matter.
Perfect 5 Star Rating
Robert J. Lurtsema Christmas Stories enjoys a rare 5 out 5-star rating on Amazon. Some of the comments from the reviews include, “an amazing set of Christmas stories (and history) told by one of the best voices of our time. A must have for the holidays and Christmas Eve. I am not religious and I find these moving and in the true spirit of the season.” Another person wrote, “this collection of Christmas stories is carefully chosen and beautifully delivered. The recording quality is exceptional. A wonderful album!” Still another opined, “for beauty of language and soul of reading, this is a great addition to any library of Christmas recordings. Highly recommended!”
Despite such high praise, Christmas Stories didn’t exactly go platinum. I have a memory of seeing multiple copies of this record embarrassingly collecting dust in discount record bins. Its appeal would’ve been very limited. Lurtsema was popular, but he wasn’t Frank Sinatra. Besides, the album was distributed by a very small record label, Philo Records, which catered to folk, jazz, and world music, and operated out of a converted barn in Vermont.
CD Or Not CD, That Is the Question
In spite of or perhaps because of its limited appeal, there’s decent inventory of Christmas Stories on the used record market such as eBay and for reasonable prices. Alas, the coveted CD is more expensive and much harder to come by, which is odd since it was distributed by Rounder Records which had much wider distribution. I ended up finding one on Amazon of all places! The Amazon listing shows “CD-R”. To me, that meant the seller was selling copies, which is against US Copyright law. I went ahead and purchased one anyway and was extremely surprised to receive an original CD, not a copy, and it even included the original Rounder Records mail-in postcard. As of this writing, the listing is still on Amazon but there are no more CDs available. I contacted the seller about this and they apologized and said their inventory constantly changes.
If you’re not into physical media as I am, Amazon sells the MP3 download of the album for under $10. If you’re entertaining the idea of buying Christmas Stories, I’d suggest getting the digital download, CD, cassette tape, or a sealed or mint copy of the vinyl record so the crackles and pops don’t compete with the star of the show. I’ve included links at the end of my article. Unfortunately, there are no liner notes by Lurtsema or any background information about his readings, and the CD doesn’t include any bonus tracks.
The Bird Is the Word
Earlier I mentioned recordings of happy chirping birds that Lurtsema used to open each show with. If you’ll allow one of my trademark digressions, WGBH radio released a record and cassette of those recordings in 1984, entitled Dawn Chorus: The Birds of Morning Pro Musica, which can also be sourced on used music sites. Lurtsema isn’t heard on this recording, just his birds.
My “Man Who Planted Trees” CD and my very rare “Voices of The Loon” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Lurtsema On Record
There are other Lurtsema related records you might find of interest, such as the Paul Winter Consort’s The Man Who Planted Trees from 1995, beautifully narrated by Lurtsema, and Voices ofThe Loon from 1980.
My “Wassail! Wassail!” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
There are 2 additional Christmas titles I’ll briefly bring to your attention if you’ll indulge me, though they’re not Lurtsema records per se. Wassail! Wassail! from 1995 features a mix of early American Christmas music and narration. Of the 21 tracks, 4 are narrated by Lurtsema, including a powerful reading of The Angels and The Shepherds. Though long out of print, this CD is available on used record sites.
The overlooked “The Christmas Revels” CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I donned my detective’s fedora and after some extensive digging, discovered The Christmas Revels: In Celebration of The Winter Solstice. It includes just 1 reading by Lurtsema which is why it flew under my radar. The track I speak of, The Shortest Day, is a poem written by Susan Cooper. It times out at less than 90 seconds, but it’s 90 seconds of full throttle Lurtsema. You can easily find this CD used, and possibly the original gatefold vinyl album as well, but amazingly, I found this 43-year-old title being sold new on CD by none other than The Christmas Revels themselves (link at the end of this article).
David Lurtsema, Robert’s brother.Photo by David Lurtsema.
Since I was already wearing my detective’s fedora, I decided to track down David Lurtsema, Robert Lurtsema’s only brother. I’ve become quite the detective since I started my own blog and after some searching on the Internet and a few phone calls, I was able to connect with him. David’s 81 and still working, yet he managed to carve out some time for a late night (very late night!) phone conversation.
Peter: What did you think of Robert’s radio program, Morning Pro Musica?
David: “Um, I really didn’t hear that much of on the air for him. As far as radio is concerned, I went to his studio a couple times, but that was about it. And listening to his program…not very much because I [couldn’t] get it [where I lived].”
A page from the program of the Celebration of Life of Robert Lurtsema. Document courtesy of Emmanuel Church.
Peter: Can you give me one interesting or humorous story about your brother?
David: “When he passed away, they had a big celebration of life at [an] Episcopalian church somewhere in Boston; a big church. [Editor’s note: It was Emmanual Episcopal Church in Boston]. There were like 5,000 people there and they asked me to get up and speak. What the hell am I going to say? So, I figured I’d say what he said and I told a story that he had told me that’s true as far as I know. My brother was in demolitions in the Navy. The captain called him in and said, ‘Robert, you’ve been recommended for E4’, because he was an enlisted man. He was a 3rd class petty officer for three times and [he never took the test]. [The captain said,] ‘I want you to promise me you’ll take the test and you’ll study hard.’ Well, if he took the test and passed it, he knew that he would be extended because doing demolition work, they needed these guys. He said, ‘Okay, captain, I’ll take the test and I’ll study hard.’ So, he did and the captain called him in again and he said, ‘Robert, you’re the only man in the history of the Navy to get 100%…Wrong!’ I got up in front of 5,000 people to tell that story. It got a couple of laughs.”
Paying my respects. Photo by Mary.
Peter: I was in Rhode Island visiting relatives a couple of months ago and I went to visit Robert’s grave in Canton, MA, where his ashes are interred.
David: “I’m so glad you’re telling me. I know where it is now. Great. That’s where he was supposed to go but I never got the word what happened with that. All I got with the word was, was that Betsy [Robert’s girlfriend] was bitch moaning and complaining that he didn’t have some great, ah, thing built for him, and I think the thing about the family was, well [chuckling], why don’t you take some of the money and give it to him yourself?”
Peter: Since I’m writing about Robert’s “Christmas Stories” record, what was Christmas like as a child in the Lurtesma household?
David: “Well, I don’t have a lot of recollection of it because there was 10 years between us. So, in other words, when [Robert] was old enough to go in the navy, I was what, 6, 8 [years old], somewhere in there. So, I remember how the Christmas’ were for me but to remember him there, it wasn’t very often
Peter: But did you decorate and have a tree?
David: “We did. We decorated to the hilt. The tree [had] many lights and many ornaments. A lot of presents.”
Peter: Any other stories you’d like to mention about your brother?
David: “Another thing you may not know about him, as long as I’ve got it in my head…I don’t talk to anybody about this much, so I’ve got to bring it out of the memory. He was a child prodigy. His IQ was up like 160 or something. Off the charts. He graduated high school with 2 double promotions…he had 2 [college] degrees in 4 years…a degree in public relations and communications and, ah, I can’t remember what the other one was. It’s been too long now.
“He did children’s stories in Phoenix with a collaboration with some people there. He did, ah, what else? I can’t think right now.”
Peter: He wrote a couple of books.
David: “Yes. He wrote a book on music. I have the book. It’s basically written for musicians because most people wouldn’t be able to comprehend what was in there.”
David (left) with his brother, Robert, on Cape Cod. Photo courtesy of David Lurtsema.
Peter: I only knew Robert as a listener of his show. What was he like as a person?
David: “When I got out of the Navy, I lived with him for a month or so. We both loved a lot of the same things but his lifestyle was more erratic than…erratic is probably the wrong word. I should say looser than I wanted to live. He liked to go to nudist colonies. That’s fine, but too much of anything is not good.
“I remember his apartment in, ah, oh, I can’t remember the name of the town.”
Peter: Cambridge?
David: “Yes. Thank you. He had an apartment in Cambridge. His bed was suspended by 4 cables coming out of the 4 corners of the ceiling and the cables were attached to springs to hold the thing together and the mattress on top of that. So, the bed was suspended off the floor. That was quite the thing. He was very innovative.
“I went to a psychic a few years after he died [to get] in touch with him. We had a lot of conversations back and forth and it was all taped…and the psychic is getting a kick out of his personality because he [had] a very unusual sense of humor. She caught that right away as soon as she started talking. She’d never met him. It was very revealing. The things I wanted to say to him about how I wished we had spent more time together and how he regretted not doing it because he didn’t really know who I was until later. A lot of good things happened from that. I was so glad that I had done it.”
In terms of Lurtsema’s gifted story telling on Christmas Stories, his brother says that stemmed from their father. “My father was a storyteller. He was a carpenter. He would come home in the evening and have dinner with us; my two sisters, my brother and I, and he would always tell stories about the day. He would talk about Mrs. McGillicuddy or Mrs. Schwartz, or whatever, with an accent that was theirs so you knew what nationality they were. It was kind of play acting but it was very entertaining for us. And of course, all that rubs off on everybody.”
“As far as his storytelling and so on”, David continued, “I have those records you’re talking about. There’s The Man Who Planted Trees. If you haven’t heard that it’s excellent. And Christmas Stories and so on. I went to a lot of performances when I was…in Boston…one where [Robert] was doing imitations, voice overs, I guess it was for Peter and what was it…”
Peter: “Peter and The Wolf”.
David: “’Peter and The Wolf’. Thank you. It’s late here. Later for you though.”
David said something at one point in our conversation that I wanted to end with because it had an important message for all of us: “He was somebody I loved greatly and admired, but we just didn’t spend enough time together and we were both very sorry about that.”
As with his radio program, Robert J. LurtsemaChristmas Stories is a refreshing break from the usual onslaught of holiday chestnuts we subject ourselves to on an annual basis. It requires one to slow down or even to stop and contemplate the reason for the season. Anyone could’ve recorded these stories, but not in Lurtsema’s inimitable way. As much as I enjoy listening to this wonderful album, I can’t help but feel sad knowing there will never be another show like his or another host like him. If he were still alive today, he’d be 92, and if his health allowed, I’m certain he’d still be playing those singing birds every morning. Two-plus decades after his passing, I still miss waking to his voice. He truly was the world’s greatest alarm clock. I don’t know what the voice of God sounds like, but I can only hope it sounds a lot like Robert Lurtsema’s, prolonged pauses and all.
My eternal thanks to David Lurtsema for sharing his memories, memorabilia, and photographs.
Trivia:RobertLurtsema was originally hired to host ‘Morning Pro Musica’ only on weekends. Not long after, he was promoted to the coveted weekday morning drive slot when the seat became available, yet he still continued to do his weekend shows, working 7 days a week for the next 22 years. In 1993, ‘Morning Pro Musica’ went back to weekends only, which Lurtsema hosted until his death. On June 12, 2000, at age 68, he died from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a rare illness of the respiratory system.
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If you own records like I do, you probably have a few that never saw life on CD, or perhaps they did but the CDs are hard to find or too expensive, yet you’d love to listen to those albums on CD. If you’re technically inclined you could copy the records onto CDs yourself, but you probably wouldn’t be able to eliminate the pops and clicks and generate high definition artwork.
Where To Turn?
I have a few records that were never released on CD and probably never will be. I prefer not to play them since they’re collectibles, yet I wanted to be able to enjoy the music. Yes, I still own and play CDs and I own 2 CD players, yet I didn’t have the ability to transfer the records onto CDs. Even if I did, they would include all the noise from the records. If I used a service to do this, I wanted to be sure my records would be handled with care and I’d end up with something I’d be happy with. I searched the Internet and found a resource I felt comfortable relying on…Record Rescuers in San Diego, CA.
Recordrescuers.com, a division of King Tet Productions, has been in business for almost 30 years and was one of the first to offer this kind of a service. It isn’t a store, a sideline business, or a part time hobby. Owner Eric Van der Wyk is an audio engineer and composer as well as a graphic designer and musician. He plays the electric sitar amongst other stringed instruments and studied Classical Indian music under Ali Akbar Khan. He’s worked on audio and video projects for Warner Brothers, the late Roy Clark, Troma Entertainment, Buck Trent, and many others. His website (link at the end) has numerous glowing reviews from satisfied customers from around the world, be they professionals or regular music lovers like you and me.
The process to turn your records into custom CD-Rs is pretty simple. The first step is to contact Van der Wyk to discuss your needs and coordinate mailing your record(s) to his studio. Pack your records securely, include a check for whatever you owe (or Van der Wyk can invoice you via PayPal after he receives your platters), and send them off. Some of his customers actually have records shipped directly from the sellers they bought them from.
Once received and paid for, Van der Wyk dubs your precious albums onto CD-Rs, and in the process, removes most if not all of the surface and other noise in the records’ grooves. Everything is done in the digital domain in 24 bit/96kHz (high resolution) which Van der Wyk says is twice that of a Blu-Ray DVD movie soundtrack. He’ll also craft the artwork for the CD-Rs if you’ve included that option.
Depending on how busy Van der Wyk is, you’ll generally have your albums and new CD-Rs back to you in about a week, give or take. He does his work in the order received, but rest assured, he won’t allow your albums to sit around for an extended period. He prides himself on turning around his projects promptly.
Despite the company’s name, Record Rescuers isn’t limited to just LP’s. Van der Wyk also works with 78 and 45 RPM records, cassette tapes, reel-to-reel tapes, and DAT tapes. He’s even transferred MiniDiscs to CD-Rs, though you may have to ship him your MD player.
But wait, there’s more, as Flex Tape’s Phil Swift might say. Van der Wyk also repairs cassette tapes and transfers VHS tapes and any kind of film, including Betamax and 8mm, to DVD. It’s one stop shopping for all of your audio and video restoration needs.
Van der Wyk with a draft of the artwork for my RAM CD-R. Photo by Eric Van der Wyk.
Van der Wyk’s graphic design experience kicks in when it comes time to create the high-definition artwork that goes in the front and back of the jewel case and gets printed on the CD-R’s surface (if you’ve paid for that service). This makes him as much an artist as an audio engineer. He has many examples of his finished work on his website and you can see images of the albums he’s recently restored on his facebook page (link at the end).
In my case, after I emailed and then spoke with Van der Wyk, I shipped him 3 albums…Kay Martin’s I Know What He Wants For Christmas (But I Don’t Know How To Wrap It), Paul McCartney’s RAM (in mono), and John Bult’s Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday. Allow me to briefly break down each record and its corresponding Record Rescuers CD-R for you.
I Know What He Wants For Christmas
“I Know What He Wants For Christmas” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I wrote extensively about this album in an old “Have A Strange Christmas” blog post, so I’m not going to rehash the details here. For this article, suffice to say it’s an adult Christmas record from 1962 with cheeky songs like Hang Your Balls On The Christmas Tree, Santa’s Doing The Horizontal Twist, and I Want A Casting Couch For Christmas. Side B features live bits from Kay Martin And Her Body Guard’s risqué comedy shows (“Ms. Martin’s received 11 requests and not a damn one of them is for music!”)
This record was reissued in 2015 on RockBeat Records, which is impossible find, but was never released on CD. I have the original pressing on dark green vinyl and I didn’t want to degrade the condition with each play, so I asked Record Rescuers to transfer it to CD-R.
After I received the newly minted CD-R, I popped it into my beloved vintage Technics SL-P999, unsure if it would even play CD-Rs considering it’s 34 years old. It read the TOC. So far, so good. With fingers crossed, I pressed the “Play” button with some degree of hesitancy and was amazed at what my vintage Blueroom Minipod speakers reproduced. The sound quality was eyebrow raising, without a single snap, crackle, or pop from a 61-year-old record! The organ sounded, like, crazy, man. Martin’s voice is somewhat reminiscent of Lola Albright’s with a pinch of Lucille Ball, and it was strong and clear. The mostly spoken word comedy show portion had a few sonic issues that managed to find their way onto the CD, but nowhere near as bad as it sounded on the record.
The album artwork Van der Wyk generated was equally impressive, and he invested quite a bit of time getting it just right. A previous owner had written on the front cover and used Wite-out and colored markers which I asked to be cropped out. Although this personal touch made my copy unique, I didn’t appreciate how it ruined the front cover. All in all, the CD-R is a great acoustic and artistic restoration of a wild vintage holiday album. Kay Martin herself would be titillated.
2. RAM
“RAM” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Paul McCartney’s second solo album after the Beatles broke up was RAM from 1971, and what an album it was. Every track was a winner, not just the #1 hit Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey. RAM was issued in stereo, but interestingly, in Brazil, a mono version was also released. Mono versions were also shipped to US AM radio stations (AM stations broadcast in mono) in a white cover with a white label. Other than the Brazil pressing, the mono version was never made available commercially to the public.
That changed in 2021 when the mono version of RAM was remastered at Abbey Road studios in London and re-issued as a limited-edition vinyl record (my copy is stamped #14868). It was never released on CD though there are various bootleg CDs of the album. Why would anyone want to hear this fantastic album in mono? Because the mono version uses a different mix from the stereo version. Some actually prefer the mono mix to the stereo mix.
Record Rescuers came to the rescue again, expertly transferring my record to CD-R. The plain white artwork is hardly exciting but Van der Wyk worked his magic and made the CD-R look great. The quality of the recording was fab. This is one CD that will find itself in my CD player very often.
3. Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday
“Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday” LP & CD-R. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Were it not for this record cover from 1981, country singer John Bult would’ve remained unknown. It’s gone down as one of the worst album covers in history. At first glance, the picture looks like an older man trying to pick up an underage girl in a seedy bar. Or, judging from the expression on her face, perhaps he got her pregnant and he’s trying to comfort her. Interpret the cover however you wish, but you must admit it isn’t exactly Sgt. Pepper. For his part, Bult said he never approved that cover photo and had assumed one from a professional photo shoot was going to be used. He wasn’t a happy camper, and from what I’ve read, apparently still isn’t to this day.
Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday was reissued in a small batch four years later, still using the same embarrassing front cover, but it was never put out on CD. This was another opportunity to put a scarce album on CD-R so I could enjoy it without fear of degrading the original.Here again, I was blown away by Record Rescuers’ work. The artwork for this title, which presented a bit of a challenge, was spot on. The sound was perfect, as if I bought the CD from a record store. I could practically hear the truck accident described in the depressing title track. Not bad for a 42-year-old record!
Here again, I was blown away by Record Rescuers’ work. The artwork for this title, which presented a bit of a challenge, was spot on. The sound was perfect, as if I bought the CD from a record store. I could practically hear the truck accident described in the depressing title track. Not bad for a 42-year-old record!
I reached out to Van der Wyk to get more information about his craft.
Eric Van der Wyk. Photo from https://soundcloud.com/kingtet
Peter: Why did you get into the audio restoration business?
Eric: “As a struggling artist in the 70s, (with no budget for decent recording equipment) I had an idea that by 2000 I would connect my reel to reel tape deck to a computer and use it to make my old tape recordings sound better. I achieved this in 1996 by creating new interfaces for a computer, that’s when I decided it was a career idea, not a hobby. This lead to my suite of related services for restoring irreplaceable audio recordings from LPs, 45s, 78s, cassettes and reel to reel tapes.”
Peter: Does your background as a musician give you an advantage in this kind of work?
Eric: “I think it helps immeasurably. My broad knowledge of music styles and appreciation for diverse genres helps people to know they’re in good hands. I try to find something to love about every recording that I’m given to remaster. I think it helps to love what you’re doing and have passion for preserving something that’s important to my clients.”
Image from record Rescuers’ facebook page.
Peter: What specific equipment do you use in your home studio?
Eric: “Over the past 25 years I’ve been steadily upgrading and appending the equipment in my studio, the software involved and the techniques that I’m developing. Like a Doctor or a Lawyer, I consider this a “practice” so my work is always evolving and (in my opinion) on the path towards perfection. I use a professional turntable with a unique interface I developed, it is equipped with 7 unique Pro Cartridges, ranging in value from $200 to $900 each and are selected based on various aspects of the type of record involved.”
Peter: Your process doesn’t involve applying any subjective equalization to the original music, right?
Eric: “For normal LP and 45 conversions, correct. I do what I call an “honest restoration” which means that no frequencies are boosted and no compression is added. Great care is taken to preserve the original stereo image, dynamics and dynamic relationship between the tracks. What you end up with is something cleaner and hotter but technically “flat” so you can apply your own personal EQ settings on playback and it will respond. Artists and record labels appreciate this because I’m not “ruining” the recording trying to make it sound “modern”, and it is appropriate for re-issues. Many of my clients have stated that my remasters and hot, yet warm, and not “cold” like many digital recordings are considered to be.”
Peter: Do you ever receive records that have so much noise or defects that they’re beyond restoration? What’s the most challenging project you’ve worked on?
Eric: “Most of the 78s I receive are home-made “acetate” recordings which only had a few good plays back in the 1940s. Today these records have more noise than signal, the noise is literally louder than the voice. So, I developed a nine-step process to make them “listenable.” Any recording that can’t sound “stellar” or “excellent” can at least be improved to become “listenable.” These records are typically from 1947, my website for this service is 78toCD.com and there’s a link to a New York Times article about this.”
Peter: What are a few of the more rare or unusual record titles you’ve received from clients over the years? What’s the oldest record you’ve ever handled?
Eric: “I’ve done a few old Edison records that were over 100 years old. Songs like “The Old Grey Mare”, that’s a lot of fun. It really shows the genius of Edison that his “unbreakable” records from over 100 years ago still work! How many “things” today will last that long?”
Screenshot from Record Rescuers’ facebook page.
Peter: Do you have a rough idea of how many records you’ve restored since you started?
Eric: “That’s a great question, I really haven’t kept track. However, when my clients order the optional cover art, I also post a Hi Def jpg of the front cover to my company facebook page. There are now over 5,000 examples of OOP album covers to peruse.“
Peter: Your clients are really passionate about their records, aren’t they?
Eric: “Indeed, it makes what I do fulfilling and satisfying.”
Peter: You’ve got the best job ever! You’re your own boss and you get to listen to music all day and get paid for it.
Eric: “I’m grateful every day to be doing such important work for so many interesting people. It’s challenging, stressful, long hours, but I love being busy with such relevant work. It certainly is a blessing to be successful at a business I made up.”
Image from madelineforman.com/
Van der Wyk mentioned a New York Times article. This was perhaps his most famous project. Two years ago, he was asked to restore several 78 RPM records for a then 94-year-old woman who had recorded them back in 1946. Not long after, Madeline Forman packed the records away and forgot about them, knowing her childhood dream of being a professional singer could never become a reality. She rediscovered the dusty records more than 7 decades later during COVID. Her son got in touch with a cousin, who in turn, recommended Record Rescuers to restore the records. The heartwarming story received national press coverage.
My Record Rescuers CD-Rs. Photo by Peter Skiera.
That’s great, you say, but how much does all of this cost? It’s more affordable than you might think. Each CD-R of a restored album costs $35 which includes a jewel case and a label on the CD-R. If you want glossy color front and back artwork in the jewel case then that costs an additional $10. For “full artwork”, which includes the front and back artwork plus color printing on the front of the CD-R instead of a label, that costs $25. Based on the CD-Rs I received, I’d highly recommend this option. If you want an extra copy of a CD-R, that adds another $5-$8.50 per CD-R depending on what artwork level you prefer. If you send in 78 RPM records, those are $7.50 per side. For a complete menu, refer to Record Rescuers website (link at the end). You’re responsible for the cost to ship your records to Record Rescuers in CA but Van der Wyk ships your first order (up to 5 LPs) back to you via USPS Priority at no charge. From my own experience I can tell you he does an excellent job packing the records to insure they arrive back to you in the same condition you sent them.
Image from Record Rescuers’ facebook page.
With the thousands of albums Van der Wyk has restored over the last 2+ decades, you might wonder why he wouldn’t make a bunch of extra copies and sell them on his website. People would be willing to pay good money to get high quality CD-Rs of rare or obscure records. Van der Wyk knows that wouldn’t be fair to the customers mailing in their records to him. Moreover, it would be illegal under US Copyright law, though there are companies that somehow manage to fly under the radar and make CD-R copies in bulk of records and sell them.
If you’ve got audio media, be they LPs, 78s, 45s, reel-to-reels, cassette tapes, or a combination thereof, and you want to get them on CD-R and get the best sound quality and visual presentation, I can think of no better company than Record Rescuers to trust your precious music with. You’ll be very pleased with the end results as I was.
And if you’re looking for a unique Christmas or Birthday gift for that special music lover in your life, look no further than Record Rescuers. Imagine their surprise when they see the custom CD-Rs and listen to the music! Unlike some other gifts, this is something they’ll keep forever and enjoy many times over.
“Billy Joel’s “52nd Street” was among the first commercially released on the compact disc format (it was one of 50 CDs released on October 1 in Japan…
“Mercedes-Benz was the first automobile manufacturer to offer a CD player as a factory option in 1984.
“Born in the U.S.A.” became the first compact disc manufactured in the United States for commercial release when CBS and Sony opened its CD manufacturing plant in Terre Haute, Indiana in September 1984. Columbia Records’ CDs previously had been imported from Japan.
“For years after CD players hit the market, they remained unpopular and were mostly limited to fans of classical music. Dire Straits then released “Brothers in Arms”, the first totally digital album. It sold 30 million copies and is credited with launching CD players into the mainstream.
“David Bowie was the first major artist to convert his entire catalog to the compact disc format in 1985.
Tony Bennett’s 1987 “The Art Of Excellence” was the first album to be initially released on CD instead of the traditional vinyl format.”
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Disclosure: The CD-Rs reviewed in this article were received at a discount. I do notreceive a commission if you do any business with Record Rescuers.
Last year around this time I reviewed several portable Bluetooth speakers to help you take your favorite music outdoors as summer approached. This time I’m going old school and focusing on wired outdoor speakers.
Wireless outdoor speakers are all the rage nowadays, so why go wired? I ruled out outdoor Bluetooth speakers because of the potential for unreliable reception and running down my smartphone’s battery. My Wi-Fi coverage outside is shaky at best, so that took Wi-Fi speakers out of the equation. Either would also need to get power which wasn’t an option in my particular installation. Last but not least, I wanted to keep my budget at around $100 which would be tough for good sounding wireless speakers.
Mind you, wired outdoor speakers can be very expensive. High end speaker company Revel makes a pair of outdoor speakers that sell for almost $1,000. B&W has a set for $800. Coastal Source makes a “landscape speaker” with a built-in subwoofer for a cool $3,500 each. You can even buy an outdoor subwoofer if you really want to rock your rock garden. In my case, I wasn’t trying to have my speakers show up on a Richter scale. Would I be able to find a set of good sounding outdoor speakers for $100, or was I setting myself up for certain failure?
Speaker Overboard!
The Outdoor by Henry Kloss. Image from The Outdoor user manual.
My first experience with an outdoor speaker was with Massachusetts-based speaker company Cambridge SoundWorks at their South Portland, Maine store where I was the Assistant Manager. We made (in our Massachusetts factory) an outdoor speaker model called simply “The Outdoor” by Henry Kloss. I don’t remember how much it sold for, but I do remember being told a story about a customer who wrote us a letter (back when people still wrote letters) about his speakers which he had mounted on his boat. One of the speakers became dislodged and fell into the open water as his boat was moving at a good clip. He recounted how he observed the speaker violently bouncing around in the ocean as he brought his boat to a stop. Still connected to its speaker wire, he pulled the speaker in as if reeling in a fish on the end of a fishing line. When he brought it back on board the speaker was still playing music! He wiped it off and returned it back to its original location, making sure it was secure.
Rock Solid Sound
B&W’s Rock Solid Monitor. Image from a vintage Rock Solid B&W sales brochure.
The very first set of wired outdoor speakers I ever owned was a pair of B&W (B&W not BMW) Rock Solid Monitors. Rock Solid was B&W’s entry level plastic speaker line made in Japan. I worked for B&W at the time and fell so much in love with the cute indoor/outdoor speakers that I bought two pair. They sounded fantastic, reaching down to 50Hz when wall mounted, and had integrated metal stands that provided uniquely generous articulation from walls and ceilings. They even included little metal mesh bug screens you could pop in the front bass ports to prevent creepy crawlies from making their home inside the speaker housings. I recall sitting at an outdoor bar on Grand Cayman Island while on vacation almost 2 decades ago and listening to music. I looked up – and you guessed it – it was a pair of Rock Solid Monitors cranking out the tunes. Such was the world-wide popularity of these monitors which you can still find used on eBay.
Natural Sound?
The Yamaha NS-AW350. Image from usa.yamaha.com
My next pair of wired outdoor speakers was a set of Yamaha NS-AW350W’s. These were a considerable step-down from my Rock Solid speakers, both acoustically and cosmetically, but my budget was much smaller and I needed speakers with a smaller footprint. Frankly, they didn’t sound all that great, especially in the bass department, and their wall mounts only had 2 positions which forced me to choose between one or the other. But they allowed me to get my music outside for a reasonable price and they fit the only space I could install them.
Something I’ve never owned is a pair of those so-called “rock speakers”. They tend to sound as bad as they look. I also wasn’t interested in having the sound directed at my fibula instead of my ears, or serenading my plants which are challenged enough as it is with me as their caretaker. Funny enough, I’ve never seen a real rock that plays music and has perforations in a circular pattern.
Speaker Who?
This summer I wanted to find the holy grail of outdoor wired speakers…good sounding speakers (including decent bass) with full motion mounts for around one hundred bucks. I briefly considered buying a used set of Rock Solid Monitors but they were beyond my budget, as were B&W’s LM1’s which replaced the Rock Solid Monitor. I read loads of outdoor speaker reviews, but most of the $100 or less models failed the sound quality test and/or included wall mounts that were a joke. Then I stumbled upon the OSD Audio AP650.
I’ve worked in consumer audio for over 20 years and to be honest, I’d never heard of OSD (Outdoor Speaker Depot) before. Located in Brea, California, OSD does their design work in the USA while their manufacturing is done in Asia. They operate a 45,000 sq. ft. distribution center so whatever you order from them is probably in stock. In addition to a variety of outdoor speaker models, OSD also offers home speakers, amplifiers, mounts, audio cables, and even speaker wire in bulk.
The thought of buying speakers from an audio company with the word “Depot” in its name wasn’t comforting, but there were several things that sold me on the AP650 besides their price. As I mentioned, bass was important to me, and OSD claims the AP650’s bass response is rated down to 35Hz. I didn’t have a way to verify that but even if they’re off by 20Hz, which would be unusual, that’s still good bass for a budget outdoor speaker. The sensitivity is listed at 90dB and efficiency was another key spec since I’m using a low power amplifier. The AP650’s come with 180 degree swivel and 60 degree tilt wall brackets. This was critical because my speakers would be mounted up high and I needed the ability to both angle the speakers downward and toe them in in order to direct the sound at my seating area. Most wall mounts let you to do one or the other depending on whether you mount the speakers vertically or horizontally. Few mounts in this price range allow you to adjust both without having to commit to the orientation of the speaker.
Rock, Scissors, Paper
One thing of concern was the fact that the AP650’s use 6.5” paper cone woofers. Paper cones can yield excellent sound quality and have been used since the advent of loudspeakers, but paper isn’t the best material for outdoor use for obvious reasons. However, OSD treats the AP650’s woofer cones to make them water resistant. With their 23 engineers, you’d think they could’ve managed to obtain similar acoustic performance using polypropylene woofers like almost every other outdoor speaker employs. The speaker housings are sealed (no bass ports), yet only carry an IP54 (Ingress Protection) rating, which isn’t great for an outdoor product. They’ll be under eaves and they won’t be getting hit with a hose or splashes from a pool which should help their longevity. Only time will tell how well they’ll hold up.
Best Value
Disappointingly, my search results didn’t reveal a lot of reviews of the AP650. I found a couple of reviews on YouTube but they were for OSD’s Bluetooth version of these speakers. On Amazon, the AP650’s are rated 4.6 out of 5 stars with such positive comments as, “I would buy this setup again 100 times over”, “these speakers sound amazing”, and “bass is much tighter.” OSD’s website also had reviews but I suspect they only posted the positive ones. Comments ranged from “awesome sound” to ” very happy with them” to “exactly what I was looking for”. The New York Times compared several different outdoor models and rated the AP650’s their best buy, calling them “the best value we’ve found in an outdoor pair. Their clarity beats anything we’ve heard from other models priced under $200 a pair. And they have a full, powerful sound that can easily fill an outdoor space, up to about 1,500 square feet. The AP650 speakers have enough bass for R&B, hip-hop, and rock music…This pair is also better made than most under-$200 outdoor speakers, with a thicker enclosure and a sturdy, powder-coated mounting bracket.”
I should point out that the AP650’s are listed for $195 per pair on Amazon which was almost double my budget. I ended up purchasing mine on eBay directly from OSD for $110 for the pair including shipping. I don’t understand why Outdoor Speaker Depot significantly undercuts their own prices on their website and in their Amazon listing, but ours is not to reason why. Outdoor Speaker Depot also offers the AP850 which boast 8” woofers and bass rated down to 32Hz, but at $300.pair, that wasn’t going to happen.
DIY Speaker Install
You can tell I’m not married because this mess would rate a zero on the Wife Acceptance Factor. Photo by Peter Skiera.
As I awaited the arrival of my new speakers, I set out to get my wiring in place. I wasn’t able to run speaker wire direct to my source, so I dug out my Rocketfish RF-WRSK18 2.4GHz wireless audio transmitter which I had packed away in my garage and connected it to the speaker outputs of my Dayton Audio HTA100 hybrid vacuum tube integrated amplifier. I used the HTA100 because it was my only option, not because I wanted a tube sound outdoors. I wall mounted the companion Rocketfish receiver (which has its own volume control) 19’ away from the transmitter and ran 16-gauge speaker wire from it to the places where I was going to mount each speaker outside. This required drilling a 5” deep hole through an exterior wall to get the speaker wire outside (which I later sealed up with caulk).
Hang In There
A pair in the open air: The OSD AP650’s. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Once I received my speakers, I installed the included wall mounts into studs and then mounted the speakers making sure to position them so they flooded the seating area with music. This wasn’t easy because the speakers weigh 9 pounds each, so juggling one in one hand with a screwdriver in the other while standing on a ladder was somewhat precarious. At nearly a foot tall and 8” wide, these speakers aren’t compact, so be certain your space will accommodate them. If you want outdoor speakers that blend into the background, these aren’t for you.
It’s A Cover Up
A binding post cover on the backside of the AP650. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Interestingly, both speakers came supplied with matching removable rear plastic covers with an exit for the speaker wire to help protect the binding posts from the elements. They also lent the speakers a nice clean look even though no one will probably ever notice them. Of course, the covers make no contribution to the sound quality, but it’s these little touches that let you know OSD’s designers were paying attention. I’ve never encountered such a feature on any other outdoor speaker, at least not in this price range.
Photo from outdoorspeakerdepot.com
My speakers also came with a 70 volt adjustment just above the biding posts which is typically reserved for commercial applications where many speakers are daisy chained together to cover very large spaces. There’s an 8 ohm setting if you’re just using one stereo pair, as in my case, but you can buy the speakers without the 70 volt option if you prefer.
Hi-fi outside: The AP650 outdoor speakers. Photo by Peter Skiera.
After breaking the speakers in for a couple weeks, my overall impression is very favorable. My Rocketfish transmitter is probably a weak link in the audio chain, but for my purposes, the sound quality is more than acceptable, including the bass. My HTA100 has Bluetooth 5.0 so I’m able to stream from the Spotify app and hear it on my outdoor speakers, but mostly I take the audio from my cable’s commercial-free music channels. This also allows me to listen to baseball games, news, etc. while outside. My patio is about as modest as they come…no hot tub, no in ground pool, no outdoor kitchen, no motorized awning, and no outdoor TV, but I still enjoy relaxing outside. Being able to listen to music on quality stereo speakers takes it to a whole other level. Considering what I paid, I think I got a bargain, which doesn’t happen very often in consumer audio. Ready, set, summer.
Full disclosure: I didn’t get the OSD AP650’s for free or at a discount in return for my review nor do I receive a commission should you buy them.
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In Have A Strange Christmas Part 1, I examined 5 strange holiday CDs. In Part 2 I give equal time to 5 strange holiday records. You’ll find links at the end if you want to add any of these oddities to your holiday music library.
Scrooged: Danny Elfman (Enjoy The Ride ETR096; 2022)
My “Scrooged” snow globe variant soundtrack illuminated in blue by my Vylumi Shine Pro. Note the sparkles inside the record. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Scrooged, starring Bill Murray, debuted in November of 1988, and is the kind of film that you either liked or didn’t. This Danny Elfman soundtrack, which is completely different from the original motion picture soundtrack, doesn’t feature any strange material, although the music ranges from creepy to full orchestral holiday numbers. Nonetheless, I’m including it in my article because my vinyl pressing itself is strange.
For one thing, it’s the thickest record I’ve ever owned…1/4” thick! This makes 180 gram vinyl look like paper. The thickness is because, sandwiched in between each side of the clear vinyl, is liquid with sparkles. Move the record around and it creates a kind of snow globe effect, perfect for a Christmas soundtrack. It’s the world’s first now globe record. And yes, you can actually play it.
The other odd thing about this liquid-filled record is it’s refillable. If any of the liquid should evaporate over time or change color, I simply ship it back to the record manufacturer and they’ll replace the liquid and sparkles for a small fee. It’s the world’s first refillable liquid record!
This Scrooged variant took 6 months to make and each one was assembled by hand. It was limited to something like 100 pressings and sold out in less than 15 minutes. You’ll blow your entire Christmas gift budget on one of these records now, assuming you can find one.
2. Switched on Santa: Sy Mann (Pickwick SPCX 1007; 1969)
Santa’s in the Christmas Moog. Photo by Peter Skiera.
The Moog synthesizer is an electronic, modular instrument invented by Robert Moog in 1964. It has the ability to replicate the sounds of other musical instruments as well as create unique sounds that no other instrument can produce. Early models were large and intimidating and required hours of programming by an electronic engineer. The 27 minutes of music on Switched on Santa must have taken forever to program. The liner notes claim it took 1 hour of Moog programming to yield 30 seconds of usable music!
The Moog wasn’t a musical curiosity. It was used by The Doors, The Beatles, The Monkees, Rolling Stones, The Byrds, Grateful Dead, and Stevie Wonder. But this strange musical monstrosity wasn’t limited to just rock and pop music. The Moog found its way onto jazz and even classical records, too. Switched-On Bach from 1968 was a huge hit that went on to sell over 1 million copies and win 3 Grammy awards. Johan was probably spinning in his grave.
With success like that, it was only a matter of time until another “Switched On” title followed. Enter Switched On Santa from 1969, the logical follow up. Who could resist 13 holiday classics including Angels We Have Heard On High, Silent Night, and White Christmas performed on the Moog? The music sounds like the soundtrack from a low budget 1950’s sci-fi Christmas movie.
Manning the Moog was Sy Mann. Mann served in the army during World War II, mostly conducting army bands. In 1953 he joined CBS-TV and replaced Dick Hyman as pianist and arranger for the Arthur Godfrey Show. He later went on to work with artists like Barbara Streisand, Melanie, Connie Francis, and Tiny Tim.
I doubt this is the record you’d play while trimming your Christmas tree, but you might play it while you burn your real tree in the backyard after the holiday is over. Merry strange Christmas from Mann and the merry Moog.
3. Merry Christmas…Have A Nice Life: Cyndi Lauper (Real Gone Music RGM-0930; 2022 (original released in 1998 on Epic))
And what do you want for Christmas, little girl? Photo by Peter Skiera.
That Cyndi Lauper, she’s so unusual. But that’s not the only reason I’ve included her first Christmas album on my list, or because this vinyl variant is festive red and white candy cane swirl color. I’m including this title mainly because she recorded all of her vocal tracks from inside her cedar closet! I’ll refrain from any coming out of the closet jokes.
The music is also unusual, not for Lauper, but for a Christmas album. Eight of the eleven tunes she wrote or co-wrote and they’re all over the place. Some have a tropical vibe like Christmas Conga, or a Cajon flavor like Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree. Still others are folk-inspired with Lauper playing the ukulele, dulcimer, and recorder. Then there’s the wheezing bag pipes on Three Ships. I don’t know what the hell Minnie and Santa is all about. Since she recorded it at home you can hear her young son, born the year before, in the background on New Year’s Baby. Perhaps mommy’s singing upset him.
Admittedly, there are some very sweet tunes like December Child, In The Bleak Midwinter, and Silent Night, featuring New York’s Chatterton Elementary School Choir. Basically what we have here is a very mixed musical bag, which is just fine for celebrating a strange Christmas.
4. Bonanza: Christmas on the Ponderosa (RCA Victor LSP-2757; 1963)
Merry Christmas from the Cartwrights. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Bonanza holds the title for the second longest-running TV western (Gunsmoke is number 1), lasting 14 years and 430+ episodes. TV Guide included the show in its list of the 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time. The series starred Loren Greene as Ben Cartwright and it revolved around the dynamics within the Cartwright family, their interactions with the community, and operating their ranch called “Ponderosa”. A young and relatively unknown Michael Landon played “Little Joe” Cartwright.
You’ll hear Landon, Greene, and the other two Cartwright brothers belting out Jingle Bells, O Come All Ye Faithful, Deck the Halls, and 25 minutes of other holiday classics you’d expect any family from the 1860’s to be singing around the Christmas tree. There are also heartwarming stories about the first Christmas tree and why we light candles on a tree. The songs are presented as if someone recorded the audio from a never-broadcast Bonanza Christmas episode, complete with cast banter and clapping at the end of the songs. If you loved Bonanza, you’ll love this record. Here’s an excerpt from a review someone wrote about the record on Amazon: “I cry when I listen to it. Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to such simpler times. I just love Bonanza. What a loss when it was cancelled.”
Speaking of crying, if you’ll allow me to digress a moment, I recently caught the Bonanza episode, A Christmas Story, and it had me in tears. It starred a baby-faced Wayne Newton who played a wannabe singer, and his shifty Uncle who defrauded the town out of thousands of dollars. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but if you have the opportunity to watch it, it’s well worth tracking down even if you’re not a Bonanza fan.
When one thinks Christmas songs, one usually thinks Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Andy Williams, and the like. The cast of Bonanza doesn’t usually come to mind, which puts Christmas on the Ponderosa firmly on my strange Christmas list. Let’s be honest. This album only exists because NBC wanted to milk every last penny they could from this extremely popular TV show, and after all, isn’t that what Christmas is really all about?
5. A Twisted Christmas: Twisted Sister (Rhino 563173; 2017 (originally released 2006))
Have a twisted Christmas. Photo by Peter Skiera.
So far, I’ve explored Christmas records with liquid + glitter inside, music performed on the Moog, songs sung in a cedar closet with a baby gurgling in the background, and songs sung by the cast of Bonanza. I conclude my list of strange Christmas music with this holiday gem by Twisted Sister.
Even if you’re not a heavy metal head banger, you should know the name Twisted Sister and its big hair and makeup-wearing leader, Dee Snider. You should also be familiar with their one big hit, 1984’s We’re Not Gonna Take It.
In this outing from 2006 (reissued on limited edition green vinyl in 2017 for Record Store Day), A Twisted Christmas features heavy metal versions of songs like I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Let It Snow, and The Christmas Song. The band also puts their own twisted take on We Wish You a Twisted Christmas and The Twelve Heavy Metal Days of Christmas. Lita Ford even dropped by to do the honors on I’ll Be Home for Christmas.Oh Come All Ye Faithful is performed in the same style as We’re Not Gonna Take It. The group performed it on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Scanning some of the A Twisted Christmas reviews on Amazon: ”the whole thing is just a bad idea”, “Horrible. Please do an album of your own material”, and “Makes a great joke gift”. You get the idea.
I guess if you’re looking for some completely different holiday music, you should consider this A Twisted Christmas. Just be sure to pick up a bottle of extra-strength Tylenol while you’re in the store in case you get a twisted headache.
Regardless of what music you listen to this holiday, I hope you have a wonderful time and are able to be with the people you love. Happy holidays and I’ll see you next year.
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Last year I wrote an extensive article about strange holiday music. It focused on several vinyl records and one CD. It got a lot of reads and positive comments. I decided to do another, but this year I’m doing a two-part series. This first installment focuses on strange holiday CDs while Part 2 looks at strange holiday records. Whether you still play CDs like I do, or you just fancy the unusual, I think you’ll enjoy reading about these odd discs. I’ve included links at the end should you be brave enough to want to add any of these titles to you holiday music library.
Cocktails with Santa: Richard Cheese (Coverage Records IDTCR27CE; 2013)
A little Cheese with Santa. Photo by Peter Skiera.
If you’ve never experienced Richard Cheese’s music then you’ve been denying yourself a unique listening experience. You have to start somewhere, so why not with this holiday CD, 2013’s Cocktails with Santa?
If you don’t know Cheese (Mark Jonathan Davis), he’s a deliberately cheesy lounge singer from Los Angeles. He writes some original material but is mostly known for taking pop songs and “louge-ifying” them as only Cheese can do. He’s had several songs make it on Billboard’s Comedy Album chart and performed briefly in the movie Barb And Star Go to Vista Del Mar.
On Cocktails with Santa, he transforms (or butchers, as you prefer) Jingle Bells, O Christmas Tree, Deck The Halls, Little Drummer Boy, We Wish You A Merry Christmas, and other classics,into swinging, smoky Vegas lounge songs. If this is cheese then cheese me up, baby. His original Christmas in Las Vegas is my favorite track from this CD:
Christmas in Las Vegas / Decorate your tree with chips / Let’s roll a yo beneath the mistletoe / While that angel strips / Rudolph sold the sled, now he’s betting on red / In a casino made out of gingerbread / Christmas in Las Vegas / It’s a trip!
Having been to Las Vegas many, many times around the holiday season, I can confirm it is indeed a trip, and Cocktails with Santa brings you there.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two… Photo from richardcheese.com
This music might be strange, but that doesn’t mean it’s not popular. The Cocktails With Santa CD and 2020 limited edition colored vinyl record are both out of print. I bought my used CD for an inflated price on eBay. However, if you’re intent on having a cheesy Christmas, you can buy the digital album download through Bandcamp for just $5. As the Cheese himself would say, please lounge responsibly.
2. Luau in December: King Kukulele and the Friki Tikis (Friki Tiki Records FT-003; Released 2008)
A Hawaiian Christmas with the King. No, not that King. Photo by Peter Skiera.
I’ve never been to Hawaii, but without exception, anyone I’ve ever known who visited has described it as paradise. So, what better place to celebrate Christmas than in paradise?
You may not have heard of King Kukulele (Denny Moynahan) and the Friki Tikis, but they’ve played at Disneyland, Universal Studios, Hollywood, and indeed all over the world. Their songs feature the ukulele, marimba, Hawaiian lap steel guitar, and vibraphone, with drums and bass in the rhythm section. The band performs in 1940’s Hapa Haole Hawaiian tradition for a truly authentic listening experience. The King even dresses the part with a bold Hawaiian shirt, straw hat, and a grass skirt.
Hitting a high note: King Kukulele from his Facebook page.
On Luau in December, the group’s 3rd release, the King and his Frikis apply their exotic island treatment to 14 vocal tracks, including 3 holiday classics. It’s certainly different hearing Hawaiian versions of You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, The Night Before Christmas, and Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. Some of the originals, besides the title track, include Hooray For Santa Claus, Thirty-two Feet and Eight Little Tails, and Santa’s Menehune. The cool retro cover art was designed by the artist Shag.
If you think of Bing Crosby’s Mele Kalikimaka when you think of Hawaiian holiday music, this isn’t that. Don your hula skirt, pour yourself a Mai Tai, pop this disc into your CD player, and have a Friki Tiki strange Christmas.
3. Tales From The Crypt: Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas (The Right Stuff T2-31330; 1994)
Carols From The Crypt. Photo by Peter Skiera.
If you’re a horror geek like me, you’re familiar with the Emmy-nominated Tales From The Crypt series which aired for 7 seasons on HBO between 1989-1996. The host, the Cryptkeeper (voiced by John Kassie), was a wisecracking, animatronic skeleton with a super annoying, high-pitched cackle.
In the fine tradition of record companies, The Right Stuff, a subsidiary of Capitol Records, put out this holiday gem to milk as much money out of the series as possible. These 15 tracks are sure to warm the cockles of your heart with little ditties like Deck The Halls With Parts of Charlie, We Wish You’d Bury The Missus, ‘Twas The Fright Before Christmas, and Should Old Cadavers Be Forgotten. Of course, no album from this period would be complete without a horror rap song. Yes, a rapping decomposing corpse. And you thought you heard it all.
To complete the theme, the included booklet is a “special collector’s comic re-print” of And All Through The House.
I think it goes without saying, this title is long out of print but it can be found on used record sites like eBay where I scored my copy (minus the slime green-colored jewel case). A word of warning that this CD might cost you an arm and a leg (no pun intended).
As a side bar, 6 years later Capitol Records came out with Tales From The Crypt: Monsters of Metal. These were real songs by real metal bands tied together with narration by the Cryptkeeper.
Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas is a must for horror buffs or anyone looking to have a scary strange Christmas.
4. White Trash Christmas: Bob Rivers (Atlantic 83591-2; 2002)
Not Bing Crosby: I’m dreaming of a White Trash Christmas. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Having worked in radio, I was familiar with Bob Rivers, but you don’t need to be a former broadcaster to know his work. If you were a regular listener to pop, classic rock, or even some talk radio, then chances are you know Bob Rivers, too.
Rivers was a popular radio host who began writing and performing his own parody songs. His best-known release was his first, 1987’s Twisted Christmas, which went gold. You’ve probably heard the track Twelve Pains of Christmas which received a lot of air play. A Message From the King is another classic from this album that will have you in stitches. Thank you, Mama.
Bob Rivers and crew. Photo from Rivers’ twitter page.
Rivers went on to release six holiday comedy CDs including What Trash Christmas, his last, in 2002. This disc has 13 tracks of humorous holiday-spoofed tunes. Some of the songs include Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer, The Little Hooters Girl, Shoppin’ Around For A Christmas Tree, and I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas, sung by a dead-on Dean Martin imitator named Scott Burns. I think my favorite from this CD is Me And Mrs. Claus, which isn’t particularly funny, but it’s a great holiday take on Billy Paul’s Me and Mrs. Jones.
Like some of the other CDs on my list, White Trash, along with Rivers’ other holiday CDs, are out of print, but can be had very reasonably on eBay and elsewhere.
Today, Rivers is semi-retired living in Vermont where he makes maple syrup with his wife and often flies out to California to visit his grand kids. How life changes.
You’ll have a merry strange Christmas listening to White Trash Christmas, or pretty much any Bob Rivers Christmas CD. Just be careful not to cough up eggnog through your nose as you laugh out loud.
5. Surfin’ Kitty X-mas: Mark Malibu & The Wasagas (Sharawaji Records SRW 135; Released 2020)
Surfin’ Kitty X-mas CD Volume 1.
I’m not sure what surfing has to do with Christmas, but I suppose if surfing is your bag, then Mark Malibu’s got a brand-new bag. Surfin’ Kitty X-mas is stacked with 18 tracks, 5 of which are Christmas standards plus a “public domain holiday medley”. All of the songs are instrumentals performed in bold surf music style.
Surfin’ Kitty X-mas is a compilation CD of surf bands like Underwater Bosses, The Breakers, Voodoo Surf Tribe, Urban Surf Kings, and The Terrorsurfs. Mark Malibu organized the project and he and his Wasagas contributed 2 tracks of their own. Mailbu is a self-described Canadian surf-punk instrumentalist and formed his Wasagas in 1979.
Mark Malibu and the Wasagas rockin’ out at sea in 2022. Is that a huge wave in the background? Photo from Malibu’s Instagram page.
Frankly, it’s weird hearing surf versions of sacred classics like O Little Town of Bethlehem, Silent Night, and O Holy Night. Then there are the original songs like Christmas Twist, A Voodoo Xmas, and Cuckoo for Christmas. Try as I might, I just wasn’t able to picture Jesus hanging ten. This is definitely not your father’s Christmas music, unless dear old dad was a surfer dude.
The other odd thing about this CD is it was released to benefit the Pinetree Stables/Cat Sanctuary in Grand Bahamas which spays, neuters, and feeds all the abandoned cats on the island (thus, the origin of “Surfin’ Kitty”in the title). The Sanctuary also benefits from the sales of Surfin’ Kitty Volumes 2 and 3. The Sanctuary’s mission isn’t what’s odd, it’s the location. With the organizer being Canadian, you’d think all the proceeds would benefit a Canadian animal shelter, eh? Well, it all goes to a good cause wherever it is.
If you’re looking for totally different holiday music this season that will knock your Christmas stockings off, Surfin’ Kitty X-mas should just about do it, and it’s only 10 bucks.
In Part 2 of Have A Strange Christmas, I give equal time to 5 strange Christmas records. Remember to come back here in a few days to unwrap it.
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September marks 15 years since Randy Van Horne passed away. I can hear many of you imitating an owl. Who? Yet you know Van Horne even if you think you don’t. Did you watch The Flintstones or The Jetsons as a kid? Those theme songs, among others, were sung by the Randy Van Horne Singers. The group also sang in TV and radio commercials.
Randy Van Horne. Photo used with permission.
Van Horne was born in 1924 in El Paso, Texas. He was a World War II veteran, studied music after the war, became a session musician, and started the Van Horne Singers in the late 1950’s following the breakup of his first group, The Encores. Known for their easy listening but uplifting compositions and singing, the group recorded several albums including a collaboration with Esquivel. The group performed on a few national television shows and member Marni Nixon later became a break-out solo artist. Original member Thurl Ravenscroft became the voice of “Tony the Tiger” and was the uncredited singer on You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch.
By the early 1970’s the group had dissolved, only to be revived by Van Horne in early 2000. The New Randy Van Horne Singers formed to keep his legacy alive. Earlier this year, some in the group lent their composing and vocal talents to the jingle for my Internet radio station, Wind Chime Radio. I was fortunate enough to connected with several of the members via email to find out more about the group, the music, and the man. Below are their collective answers reported by group member Lynn Keller.
Peter: What made the original Van Horne Singers different from other vocal groups at that time?
Lynn: There were a number of popular quartets and singing groups at the time that Randy’s singers performed. What made his group unique is that he used some of the best session singers in Hollywood and he did his own arranging. Randy’s arrangements were unique as his style was to often write tight, 8-part vocal harmonies that were designed to sound like the different sections of a full 17-piece big band. This means the quality of the vocals often mirrored the trumpets, trombones in tempo, color and dynamics. Singers vocally produce the different sections of the band. Additionally, singers are accustomed to 4-part singing or soprano, alto, tenor, and bass (SATB,) arrangements. Having 8-part singing means the vocal lines are closer together so there is more chance of dissonant harmonies among the sections. Randy used the top session singers who were prolific at reading charts, as his unique style brought often unexpected notes and dynamics to a vocal part.
“Sleighride” re-issued on CD. Photo by Peter Skiera.
Peter: What was the appeal of this music back in the day and why did it decline?
Lynn: Randy worked with Hanna Barbera arranging The Flintstones and other cartoon themes; these familiar themes have become part of our collective pop culture. The themes were memorable and were connected to popular TV shows. Randy’s group was also featured on TV variety shows with guest performances on the Nat King Cole Show and Mel Torme’s show for example. When the variety shows became too expensive and challenging to produce there were fewer options for Randy’s music to be heard by a wider audience. However, during these years he continued to product albums with a number of noteworthy artists. Finally, the music itself (the great American Songbook) and much of the music of the 1st [half] of the 20th century became less popular with the advent of rock and other forms of popular music. Here is a list of Randy’s recordings:
The Clef Dwellers, RCA Victor LPM-1751
Sing a Song of Goodman, MGM SE-3720; 1958
Sleighride, Everest SDBR-1112; 1960
Rollin’ West Everest SDBR-1071; 1960
Swingin’ Singin’ RCA LPM-1321
The March of the Regiment, Everest 19399
Moments to Remember, Sunset SUS-5151
Our Magic Moments Everest SDBR-1089; 1961
This list does not include selections from albums produced by other artists with Van Horne’s singers.
Image from recordstoreday.com
Peter: Is it true the original group sang on Bob Thompson’s RCA albums and on Martin Denny’s “Afrodesia” album? And that they were occasional backup singers for Dean Martin and Mel Torme?
Lynn: We often hear that his group was featured on different variety shows. We have verified their appearance on the following shows: Nat King Cole, Mel Torme. I’m not sure about Dean Martin. The members of the group like Marni Nixon, Gene Merlino, Marilyn King, Harry Middlebrooks, Sue Allen and more were back-up singers and overdub singers on many albums. It’s difficult to track down all of their jobs because they didn’t get credits.
Peter: How many singers are in the new group vs. the original group and what is the age range?
Lynn: The original group had a minimum of 8 singers. Randy reformed the group in the early 2000’s. Since that time the number of singers in the group has varied. In the early 2000’s there were about 20 singers then the number went up and down. Since the pandemic, there are somewhere around 8-10 which varies with singer’s comfort with singing in a group.
Peter: I know it changes but I’d like to identify the group’s current line-up.
Lynn: COVID has reduced our ranks for the time being. We have the following folks currently performing with our group:
1st Sopranos Lorelei Finch, Franny McCartney
2nd Soprano Lynn Keller
1st Alto Sara Taylor (Our newest member with an impressive background)
Tenor, Alan Wilson (Also conductor,) John Schroeder
Baritone, Bill Havis
Bass, Steve Grant, Michael Alexander
Piano Accompanist, Marty Rosen
Peter: The group may have changed over the years, but when and how did the new group form?
Lynn: Randy brought the group together and directed it. When he retired from the group, he asked Alan Wilson to conduct. New group members are recruited sometimes from the audience when the group does shows. Often singers ask if they can join the group. Also, occasionally members are recruited from singer’s networks.
Peter: What’s the new group’s mission?
Lynn: We continue to perform Randy’s music and to produce shows that reflect his style. Over time we have added other arrangers- Anita Kerr and Ed Lojeski to name a few. We do themed shows so we often perform music that fits a theme and we add music accordingly. Additionally, our shows include solos, duets, quartets and other songs that require different combinations of singers. We follow our theme, but always include Randy arrangements.
Peter: In general, what’s the background of the members?
Lynn: Singers should have live performance experience and they should be able to read music. One of our strengths is that we care about and respect each other. This comes across when we perform. Audiences often say they appreciate our ability to connect with them and that we demonstrate our love for what we are doing in our shows.
Peter: When you sing live are you typically accompanied with just a piano?
Lynn: Yes, we always use piano accompaniment. This presents a challenge because Randy’s music isn’t that easy to play.
Peter: Have you ever taken any contemporary songs or pop hits and Van Horne-ized them?
Lynn: No, but we use other arranger’s charts. We also strive to stay true to Randy’s musical ideas and don’t make changes to his work. We apply the rule of staying true to whatever arranger’s ideas we select so we don’t modify their music. We perform it as it was intended. For example, recently we used TV theme shows in a performance entitled “We Love To Laugh”. We incorporated themes like “Gilligan’s Island,” and “The Addam’s Family,” replicating the music as the themes were performed in the TV show
Peter: Does the group have a favorite original Van Horne non-Christmas song they like performing?
Lynn: We love a few of them. “The Hucklebuck” is a fun arrangement that bounces around quite a bit. We have typically done it in shows. Additionally, many of Randy’s charts include sections where the vocals sound like different instruments of the orchestra. We practice these sections so we do in fact sound like the different sections of the orchestra. We also regularly perform “My Blue Heaven,” “Devil and the Deep Blue Sea,” and “My Foolish Heart, (a ballad).” These are all great Randy arrangements.
Lynn Keller (center) in the spotlight. Photo from lynnkellersmusic.com
Peter: Are there members who can speak to what it was like to work with Van Horne?
Lynn: Yes, some of us have stories about Randy and his ways. We share them regularly. 3-4 of us worked with him directly, me included. He was much like many arrangers. They continue to “tinker” with their music. He would make changes to his charts nearly every week and tell stories about his experiences. He loved to hear the recordings of his music so we often sang to them to get the feel and nuance of how they were originally performed. He told us stories about his life. For example, for a period he made his living writing jingles. Sometimes he would have 30 minutes to write a jingle and then hand it to the singers so they could learn it on the spot. It would be recorded at the same time. He spoke of how challenging it was and the pressure he felt.
Randy handed the baton to Alan Wilson a year or so before he passed. Alan is a fabulous tenor and had extensive background in choral groups. Randy had a lot of confidence in Alan’s ability to carry his legacy forward.
The New Randy Van Horne Singers’ holiday concert at Bolton Hall in Tujunga, CA circa 2012. Photo from the New Randy Van Horne Singers Facebook page.
Peter: Is the new group active mainly during the holiday season?
Lynn: We are active year-round. Whenever we can do a show, we try to do it more than once. It takes a lot of effort to coordinate the music, the singers, the accompaniment, the sound and other aspects of a fully-produced show. Before the pandemic we were doing 5-6 shows per year. This included 1-2 shows during the holidays. The pay-off for all of us is the joy of doing the music before a live audience. There’s nothing better!
Peter: Do you hope to record an album in the future?
Lynn: Currently, there is no plan to do an album. However, we do videotape our shows and sometimes share them on YouTube.
Peter: Do you think Van Horne would be pleased with your group?
Lynn: Yes, he would be happy that his music lives on. Over the years, he continued to re-invent the group. I believe this is a clear testament to him wanting to keep the music alive. We are also in touch with his son and his son continues to support our efforts.
One of Lynn Keller’s CDs.
Peter: What are the individual projects some of you have been/are involved in?
Lynn: We all have prior performance experience. Some of us sing with bands, some have CD’s, some sing in church choirs or other singing groups. Some of us have been background singers with famous performers. In these cases, the singers have been on the road with the popular artists like Bette Midler, Tanya Tucker, Glenn Campbell, Elvis, etc.
Peter: What music have some of you been listening to lately?
Lynn: Our members are familiar with all types of music and often refer to pop music. As a genre, many of us appreciate selections from the Great American songbook so we tend to listen to current and vintage recordings of this music. However, it’s safe to say that we pull music from all types of genres.
Peter: How was it to work on the jingle for Wind Chime Radio?
Lynn: It was challenging and it was fun. We wanted to get the idea of wind chimes in the recordings. We experimented with the accompaniment to increase the authenticity and finally chose the vibes as the accompaniment because they sounded more like chimes than the piano. It was a kick to do original music for the radio.
Peter: Any final thoughts?
Lynn: We are looking forward to rebuilding the group once the pandemic is well behind us. We just added a new member and will do more recruiting when potential members and prior members are more comfortable singing in a group.
Harry Randell Van Horne passed away at the age of 83 on September 26, 2007 in Los Angeles. He was active almost until the end, leading a big band that performed around Los Angeles.
My profound thanks to New Randy Van Horne member Lynn Keller for coordinating the responses to my questions and to her and the group’s superb work on the Wind Chime Radio jingle.
Trivia (provided by the New Randy Van Horne Singers):“A fun fact is that the original singers were each paid $50 at the time for the recording of The Flintstones theme….no other payments or royalties were provided!”
For the last couple of years to compensate for the economic impact of the pandemic on record stores, Record Store Day was celebrated 2-3 times per year. It should have been temporarily renamed Record Store Days. This year, since life is returning to normal (knock on wood), RSD is back to its normal single day, April 23rd, plus Black Friday. That doesn’t mean it’s any less exciting. If anything, RSD 2022 gives us more reasons to get excited.
One reason is Record Store Day is celebrating 15 years of supporting independent record stores around the world. Another is the appointment of Taylor Swift as RSD’s Global Ambassador. Yet another is the over 400 special titles on vinyl released for RSD 2022, including one specifically to benefit women in the music industry. Just the fact that this will be the most “normal” Record Store Day we’ve seen in a couple of years is reason enough to celebrate.
Before I take my shoes and socks off and dive into RSD’s record bins, as I did last year, I called a handful of Record Store Day-participating MA record stores and asked them what platter they were spinning on their turntable at that very moment. Here are the results:
Purchase Street Records, New Bedford, MA. Photo from PSR’s Facebook page.
Purchase Street Records, New Bedford, MA: Seemless (self-titled)
Joe’s Albums, Worcester, MA: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Unlimited Love
The Nevermind Shop, Upton, MA: Spiral Staircase, I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
The Record Exchange, Salem, MA: 3 Mustaphas 3, Heart of Uncle
Sunset Records, Somerset, MA: Aquarius, Let the Sunshine In
The Vinyl Vault, Littleton, MA: The Groundhogs, Blues Obituary
Vinyl Index, Somerville, MA: Octahedron, The Mars Volta
The Record Spot, East Bridgewater, MA: The Beatles, Abbey Road (picture disc)
Village Vinyl & Hi-Fi, Brookline, MA: Discharge, Never Again
Inclusion Records, Norwell, MA: North American & Friends, Going Steady (reissue)
Dyno Records, Newburyport, MA: The Police, Synchronicity
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. I got in contact with Record Store Day Project Manager Rick Johnson to set the stage for Record Store Day 2022.
Portraits Of Her LP. Image from RSD’s Facebook page.
Peter: 2022 marks the 15th Anniversary of Record Store Day. It’s hard to believe it’s been 15 years. What’s happening this year to commemorate the occasion?
Rick: 15 years and things keep getting bigger and better every year. It’s a worldwide celebration of music and independent record stores. This year we are partnering with VANS [shoe and apparel designer] to celebrate women in the music business with a special release Portraits of Her, featuring many diverse female artists. We are also presenting a panel at SXSW [South by South West music/film/tech conference] in March, focusing on women in the music industry. There will also be a celebration at the Grammy Museum in LA of some of the past RSD ambassadors and early supporters. There will also be many, many other smaller celebrations at local independent record stores on and around Record Store Day. It’s going to be a big year for sure.
Peter: Is RSD celebrated worldwide? On the same day?
Rick: Yes, RSD is celebrated on every continent except Antarctica and it is celebrated on the same day by everyone. Adjustments are made for time zones of course, so some countries get a few hours head start, but we all end up at the same place in the end. Sitting at home in front of our turntables with a stack of great music and cellophane all over the place!
Peter: All Record Store Day releases are special, but are there a few titles you are particularly excited about?
Rick: I am excited about a lot of the titles this year. Everyone at RSD has been working very hard to make sure we have great releases and something for everyone. What’s important to remember is that every release on RSD is SOMEONE’S favorite release. Some of my personal favorites are the RSD curated Patti Smith record, the Lou Reed 1971 Demos and the Ramones box set The Sire Albums (1981-1989). Kirk Hammett from Metallica has his first solo record Portals coming out on RSD22.
Peter: For the last 2 years, RSD was celebrated multiple times a year due to the pandemic’s impact on record stores. You’re back to an annual event for 2022?
Rick: We’re back to RSD in April and then RSD Black Friday on the Friday after Thanksgiving. A lot of fans enjoyed the different “drops” that were done for safety, but we are back to two a year.
The waiting is the hardest part: In line on Record Store Day 2017. Photo by Rick Johnson courtesy of RSD.
Peter: Do you have a Record Store Day-related anecdote you can share?
Rick: I still remember the first time I walked into Rough Trade Records on Record Store Day in 2017. There was a line literally around the block of customers waiting their turn to shop. I saw a guy in his 30s with his young child who was maybe 4 years ago, standing in line waiting to buy their favorite release. They were creating an experience together that was unique to them, and one they would never forget. If you have to wait in line for something, let it be music! I also took a photo inside of the Ramones Singles Box Set in the foreground with the rest of the store in the background, with the vinyl seemingly going on forever! It was beautiful.
Goin’ out of my head: Wayne Coyne of Flaming Lips with his King’s Head installation at Rough Trade Records in Brooklyn for RSD 2019. Note the sneakers. Photo by Rick Johnson courtesy of RSD.
I also remember in 2019 Flaming Lips front man Wayne Coyne spending several days at Rough Trade [record store] building a huge interactive installation for his LP The King’s Head. It was in the shape of a king’s head, and you could crawl inside his mouth and hear a song that was not on the record. Wayne spent days on this one installation that was just a cool tribute to Record Store Day.
Mike Peters from the Alarm celebrated RSD a few years ago by playing concerts at local record stores in London, NYC and LA, all on the same day! He started out early in London, hopped a trans-Atlantic flight to New York, played an in store gig there. Then he flew to LA and finished up his long, long day with a final show at a record store there. AMAZING!”
Artist Kim Radford. Photo from RSD’s Facebook page.
Peter: Why was Taylor Swift chosen as Record Store Day’s Global Ambassador for 2022? What is her RSD offeringthis year?
Rick: Taylor Swift is one of the biggest global superstars and she has built her career from the ground up, doing it the right way. Taylor has reissued almost all her albums for RSD in the past, bringing new vinyl buyers into independent record stores for the first time. She was also very supportive of independent record stores during COVID, even paying the health insurance for workers at her favorite record store in Nashville. She supplied independent stores with signed copies of her releases to sell during the shutdown. Taylor has also contributed a track to the special 2022 RSD release Portraits of Her, celebrating women in music. She is also contributing a 7” single of the lakes for RSD 2022. I couldn’t think of anyone better to select as RSD’s very first GLOBAL ambassador.
Peter: If you could only give 1 reason why people should go to their participating record store on RSD, what would it be?
Rick: Independent small business owners are the life’s blood of any town and community. These small businesses have been hit hard the past few years, yet they are still there every day, working hard and making sure they have what you want when you walk in the door. We HAVE to support our independent record stores and other small businesses in our communities to make our local world a better place. Plus it’s fun! Music is universal and makes people happy.
My generation: NYC’s Generation Records. Photo by Rick Johnson courtesy of RSD.
Peter: How has COVID-19 impacted vinyl record manufacturing and record sales?
Rick: The music industry was not immune to the temporary plant shutdowns everyone experienced. It created bottlenecks of course, and you just have to fight through those like every other business. Record people are very tough though and extremely resourceful. I was amazed by the ingenuity I saw displayed by the record stores. Lots of stores increased their on-line presence, shipping orders to customers’ homes during the crisis. I even saw stores personally DELIVERING orders to their customers by car. Dropping off the vinyl at the doorstep, creating their own version of “touchless transactions.” Many stores reported doing a stronger business than normal as more people stayed home and had time to curate their collections. I know everyone is happy to be getting back to some sense of normalcy, but I believe the resilience and tenacity shown by everyone in the music industry has been nothing short of incredible
Peter: I know you’re not clairvoyant, but how do you see record sales performing over the next few years?
Rick: Actually, I AM clairvoyant. I KNEW you were going to ask that question. Seriously though, I see record sales rising as more and more music enthusiasts buy turntables and youngsters become old enough to buy their own music. It keeps getting bigger every year. Many younger fans who have bought turntables this past year and are buying vinyl and supporting their local shops. It’s great to see. People still stream or listen to the radio, but there is something so satisfying about buying tangible music and playing it at home on your turntable. I think the trend will continue for many, many years.
Peter: What records have you personally been spinning lately?
Rick: When listening for pleasure I tend to go back to the roots of punk rock. The Velvet Underground- Live At Max’s Kansas City is a timeless classic. I’m listening to it right now. Same for the first New York Dolls LP. It turns 50 in 2023. I hope they get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. I’ve also been listening to a stack of old rap 12” records I recently bought. Kool Moe Dee, Doug E. Fresh, Eric B., Count Coolout, Duke Bootee, etc. Lots of amazing music I’ve never heard before. Then some old Ministry, Wire, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. My favorite new group for the past few years has been Starcrawler from LA. Amazing female lead singer, Arrow de Wilde. Great bunch of young kids with two records out and another coming out soon.
Peter: Do you remember the first record you ever bought or listened to?
Rick: One of my very first was Hot Rocks, the double LP compilation by The Rolling Stones. I bought it at our local K-Mart when I was about 10. Loved it! Bought the Beatles Red and Blue albums in 1978 when Capitol re-issued them on colored vinyl. Bought the Beatles White Album on white vinyl and freaked myself out by playing “Revolution #9” backwards! Spooky!!
Peter: Why are you a vinyl geek?
Rick: I’ve always loved the sound and the feel of vinyl. Being able to hold the record carefully in my hands and sliding it on the turntable. Listening to the needle drop and find the groove. Love it! Plus holding the jacket and looking at the cover art while listening completes the experience.
Peter: Any final thoughts?
Rick: Record Store Day has something for everyone. Come out and support your local independent record store on April 23rd for RSD22. Discover your new favorite record and your new favorite local independent record store!
Image from RSD’s Facebook page.
The Flip Side Of The Record
As exciting and profitable as Record Store Day is for store proprietors, it’s not without its critics. It may surprise you to learn that a few of those critics are in the very business RSD was designed to help…independent record stores. Long time UK independent record store owner Rupert Morrison wrote a story in The Guardian in February advising that COVID supply chain issues continue to make obtaining records for his customers very difficult. Morrison said he has customers who are still waiting for records they pre-ordered a year ago. He said adding another 411 new titles in the pipeline this year for RSD will only exacerbate the problem and suggested Record Store Day be postponed until the vinyl backlog gets cleared.
Supply chain issues aside, getting the RSD titles you want in general can be difficult. Two years ago, I called a record store a few days ahead of RSD to ask if they’d be stocking a certain record I wanted. They told me they weren’t allowed to give out that information. Apparently, they’re not allowed to give customers advanced notice of which RSD titles they’ll be carrying. I knew there would’ve been little point in calling the day of because the staff would be too busy, so I drove to the store the morning of Record Store Day, only to be told upon arrival that the record I wanted had already sold out. The clerk suggested I go to another one of their locations, but it was quite a distance away and I didn’t plan on spending the day on a treasure hunt. It’s hard to get excited about a record you really want if your chances of actually getting it are akin to winning the lottery. It also doesn’t help when record some stores hold back certain titles to later sell on eBay or their own website at inflated prices, a practice Record Store Day strictly prohibits. Thankfully, this doesn’t seem to be a widespread problem.
Speaking of record prices, I’m an old enough fossil to remember when CDs first came out. In an effort to win the music buying public over, the record companies promised CDs would cost less than records. With few exceptions, that never happened. Forty years later, it’s finally come true. It isn’t unheard of to drop a hundred bucks or more and emerge from the record store with only a handful of records. I’d be interested to learn what percentage of 12″ albums released for RSD are priced under $20.
Don’t get me wrong. I love records. If I cut myself, I’d probably bleed red liquid vinyl. But if Record Store Day’s price of admission gets too high, it risks alienating music enthusiasts who don’t have that kind of disposable cash. The current economic situation only makes it worse. At the rate things are going, gas to get to the record store and back again might cost almost as much as the records themselves!
Phonocut: Cuts like a knife.Photo from phonocut.com
Phono what? Phonocut
Speaking of cutting, and this has nothing to do with RSD, but wouldn’t it be cool if you could cut your own records? In October of 2019, the introduction of Phonocut practically gave vinyl enthusiasts an analog orgasm. Phonocut is a fantastic plastic machine that allows you to cut your own 10” vinyl records at home with the mere press of a button. Two and a half years later, the Austrian company that invented it has yet to ship a single Phonocut, and their latest update says not to expect one until the end of 2024 at the earliest. The company’s website states they’re “truly sorry that we have over-promised so profoundly”, and to their credit, are offering refunds to any of their crowdfunding backers who want one. I came very close to becoming a backer myself, but frankly, I was turned off by the fact that Phonocut only supports 10” records and you can only buy the “blanks” from Phonocut. If you failed to get in on the ground floor at the bargain basement Kickstarter starting price of $1,089, be prepared to shell out $8,000-$10,000 for one Phonocut, which is what the company estimates the retail price will be when the vinyl dust finally settles. That’s what I call a deep cut.
Happy 50th Anniversary SL-1200M7L. Photo from technics.com
The Legend Keeps Spinning
If you’re in the market for a special turntable to play your special Record Store Day acquisitions, you’re in luck. Yesterday, Technics announced a pre-order for its limited-edition version of their legendary SL-1200M7L in recognition of its 50th Anniversary. The Anniversary Edition of this iconic direct drive turntable will come in 7 different colors and include an etched number, an anodized gold-colored tone arm, a custom slip mat, and a couple of Technics stickers. It’s very rare for a consumer electronics model to remain in production for 50 years, so that says a lot. Over its long history, the SL-1200M7L has earned respect from both DJs and audiophiles alike. I used a similar model when I was a DJ at my college radio station over 30 years ago. Many radio stations used them because they were a workhorse and very reliable. But you better hurry. Only 12,000 in total will be made available worldwide. Note the $1,100 sticker price doesn’t include a stylus and it isn’t expected to start shipping until July.
APRIL 23, 2022
Mark April 23rd on your calendar and be prepared to arrive early at your participating record store to get the Record Store Day releases you’re coveting. Before you leave the store, make it a point to stop and take in the moment. Look around you and appreciate the many music lovers of all ages happily exploring the record bins. It just might bring a smile to your unmasked, naked face. It’s one sign that life is gradually returning to normal. It’s time to treat yourself to some special music. After what you’ve been through, you deserve it.
Major thanks to Rick Johnson of Record Store Day for answering my questions and providing me with his exclusive snaps. Thanks also to all of the MA record stores that participated in my informal poll. I’ve listed their links at the end. Please support your local record store.
Trivia (from Wikipedia): “Record Store Day 2020 was scheduled to take place on April 18, but was postponed to June 20 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. On April 29, it was announced that Record Store Day would be postponed again, and spread across three dates called RSD Drops: August 29, September 26, and October 24. A fourth date, RSD Black Friday, occurred on November 27.”
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